I am sure many of you have been through situations where you meet a guy, and it’s all butterflies and fireworks. You just click like that. You meet this amazing guy who seems like he’s been made for you. It’s a rollercoaster ride and you find yourself spiraling, falling head over heels for him. You blink and things move faster than you thought they would, you can’t even get a chance to breathe. You can’t get enough of him; he’s all you think about, all the time. You have the same taste in everything, if not, you find yourself falling in love with everything he loves because that’s how it was in the books and movies, right? You talk on call for hours on end and time flies by in a blink.
You find yourself obsessing over him when he’s not talking to you; he’s taken hostage of your thoughts and mind. You feel like an addict, like he’s gotten under your skin and flows in your blood, and all you need is a hit of him to make everything okay. You feel consumed by thoughts of him and make every effort to be the epitome of perfection he’s looking for. But he keeps you on your toes all the time and you’re always left with a feeling that he could do better than you and can leave you. And that fear keeps you from thinking rationally about anything, because hey, that’s what love is and what love does, right? It says so in the books, anyway.
Then there’s another situation, where you meet a guy, and he’s alright. He doesn’t give you butterflies in your tummy, doesn’t make your heart flutter, but he’s nice, he’s sweet, you’re happy. You talk to him on and off whenever he calls, but don’t obsess over every teeny tiny minuscule detail. You have a good time with him; you guys have tonnes of things in common. You hang out and find out a bit more about him, he seems interesting enough, and he catches your attention. He’s a gentleman, things are going nice and at a reasonable pace, and you feel good about the two of you. There’s no crazy passion where you feel you’re going to rip each other’s clothes off, no breathlessness, but a more mature relationship where you take your time with getting to know the guy before jumping into bed with him at the first chance you get. You feel like he respects your space and you’re comfortable knowing that.
Which one of these two do you think are going to be your happily ever after? I’m positive you’re going to say it’s the second one where you take your time figuring things out in your head. But sadly, it’s actually the first we’re going to fall for. Us females are programmed to be emotional creatures. We tend to act first and think later. That’s just how we are. Plus hey, we’ve read countless books and seen innumerable chick flicks where the girl meets a guy and they fall in love! Why would real life be any different than our fantasy? Didn’t the Disney princesses just meet their princes and fell in love as soon as their eyes met? Continue reading…
If you feel that magnetic pull towards a person, it’s bad. The reason you feel that pull is because that person stirs up feelings in your subconscious mind. Acceptance is one thing that may attract you towards a guy. People whose parents are overly critical of their ways, or if their parent abandoned them, they may crave for their partner to protect and adore them, to provide them the affection they missed in childhood. Others may end up being very clingy because they are afraid of being left or become extremely cynical because they grow up with the mentality that essential relationships will last. Strangely, these people usually end up being attracted to partners who cannot be there in a committed way. This is by no means a coincidence and that sometimes we’re even attracted to someone subconsciously without knowing that that person has the same character flaws as our parents. Sometimes we even end up falling with a person who is your complete opposite, or has qualities that you find yourself lacking in.
These are some of the psychological reasons for the attraction you feel towards a person. The reason we do not think of them as bad or unhealthy is because we grew up believing in fairy tales. You may be wondering why these sorts of relationships are unhealthy, this is because we start thinking from our hearts and completely disregard our minds. You start overlooking all the characteristic flaws in that person and start becoming afraid to be your true self, because hey, you’re oh-so-ordinary self can’t compete with all that perfection!
In turn, you transform yourself into someone you’re not. You turn desperate for his approval and get clingy and needy, because you’re scared that he’s going to leave you because you aren’t up to mark or aren’t good enough for him.
A healthy relationship is something you grow into; it’s not love at first sight’. It’s not an emotionally roller coaster but something you develop over time. Its building blocks are understanding, compatibility, respect, interests, common values and acceptance of each other’s flaws and choosing to overlook them for the good characteristics traits. In healthy relationships, you don’t have to choose one person over the other, you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not, you don’t rely heavily on your partner. You love that person, but you don’t make your world revolve around them and their decisions, you both compromise and work on making it work when things go south. It is an adult and mature relationship in which you use your head, and not just your heart and emotion. And I am not saying that it’s all rational thinking. When you’re in a healthy relationship, you are in love, that means, there is going to be passion and butterflies and fluttering hearts, but you grow into these feelings eventually after you get to know that person. It is a connection you have with a person on another level, not just physically, but mentally.
There are chances that you may fall head over heels, going gaga in love with a person and he will turn out to be the one. There’s also a possibility that the guy with whom you took time to get to know, turns out to be a complete jerk and waste of time, but at least you’ll have saved yourself from all the heartbreak. Either way, you should know that you will find the one’ and when you do, you’ll just know.
So, to save yourself from a heartbreak; try to think, take a step back, and breathe. Give yourself some space and think rationally, because this way you’ll be able to keep check of your emotions, have a grip on them and not let yourself be swayed by charm and infatuation.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé