Be sure to sort these things out before tying the knot!
One might think that unconditional love is what takes to make a relationship last. It does; but it’s not the only thing. You need to trust each other with some many things and understand each other. Most essentially you have to accept each other and come to terms with any differences the two of you have. Instead of rushing into a life-long commitment out of love, it’s better to make such a life changing decision rationally. Try to get to know what the two of you want out of a marriage.
Here is a list of a few of the questions you should ask your partner before getting engaged or married;
How do you act when you’re mad?
For better or for worse, right? People tend to act so differently (a bad kind of different) when in a fit of rage; at times it’s even difficult to recognise them. You need to be able to put up with them even then. You need to know how to handle them when they’re just about to explode, or when you’ve had an argument. They could either give you the silent treatment or lash out or worse. It’d help you decide if you can or cannot deal with the ugly parts.
What is your love language?
Everyone expresses their love differently and there is no right or wrong way. For some it could be reassurance from their partner, for others it may be spending time together, and yet for others it may be expressed through physical intimacy. All of these are different things, but at the same time, they are ultimately acts of love. You and your partner could either have the same love language or it may be different. In either case, try and understand and appreciate it. Just because they express their feelings differently doesn’t mean they love you any less.
What are the rules that govern your life?
There are things that people practice religiously, things that they never give up on, even in the most difficult of situations. It could be something like being honest at all costs, even if it gets you into trouble, or never turning down someone in need, or placing your family ahead of everyone else etc. Again, these rules vary from person to person. You may even have contrasting rules, but can you accept them and adjust?
If needed, what will you sacrifice?
No relationship survives without sacrifice. And it’s nothing you shouldn’t be able to talk about. At some point or another you’re going to have to choose one thing over another. You might get a chance to study abroad, which you’ve always wanted, but which at the same time means distance between the two of you. Will you be able to make a long-distance relationship work? Or will you give up your dream for the sake of your relationship?
How will you deal with the difference in taste?
Differences should be appreciated as they add more colour to everything. But there is a thing like being also different. If one of you cannot stand the very same thing that the other one just absolutely cannot get by without, you might have a problem. One can’t just give up something like that, but one can’t just all of a sudden begin to find something bearable either. What if you can’t find any common ground? How will you come to an agreeable solution then?
How will you react to trust betrayal?
Trust is fragile, and you can never be also careful with it. One wrong move or even a mistake might be the end of it. Your partner may intentionally or unintentionally break your trust. Although it’s a difficult topic, but what if it happens? You should be prepared for such a situation. Set grounds for what is forgivable and what isn’t, and what would drive the relationship to the point of no return.
What do we have besides love?
As already mentioned, love is one of the many things leading to a successful relationship. You may love someone beyond imagination, but you might not have different mental frequencies, and when you talk about something essential, it becomes more of an argument than a conversation. You need to be open to each other’s differences. Try to understand them, accept them and also respect them.
Talk to me
Did you ask any of these questions before getting engaged or married? Will you ask them when the time comes? Is there anything else you think should go on the list as well? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé