Superstitious beliefs are in existence and they will continue to be. Certain things happen to people and people around them use it as a standard for themselves. Some people go through trying times and come out of them unscathed and people take the same steps and because it worked, they make a rule out of them making it compulsory for others to do the same.
This is the same in relationships also. People manage their relationships based on their parent’s experiences or based on what their friends or someone close have been through. They feel some basic rules and regulations make relationships work and this makes them have some ideas preconceived by others. A word of advice here: there are no rules or regulations anywhere.
Relationships thrive when two partners understand each other and treat each other with respect. what works for another may not work for you as you are different individuals raised differently with entirely different opinions and ideas of life.
No two unions are alike. Our decisions when it comes to our partners shouldn’t be made based on what we see around, our parent’s experiences or advice from relatives or even the media. The advice you receive may just be assumptions as no one knows the peculiarity of your union except you.
If you are not careful, you may have a fixed mindset and it will make you rigid to your mate. It may also mislead and influence you into making the wrong decisions. Scrutinize for what works for you based on the issues you are confronted with and you will be fine.
Myths are a set of ideas believed by a lot of people but are not true. There are a number of them in relationships but in today’s post, we will be exploring a few, please feel free to add yours as there are a huge number of them.
Myth 1: Soul Mates Exist
This is one myth I disagree with so much. Religion has made it worse also as there are beliefs that our creator has made specific people for specific sets of people and whenever I ask questions regarding this subject, they are quick to refer to the story of Adam and Eve. Since the creator made Eve from Adam and brought her to Adam, it is believed that there is a wife factory fitted and made for every man and failure to mêet that special one will result in chaos.
This is sad as some people have been brainwashed into remaining in wrong and abusive relationships. Love is a choice and is solely dependent on you. There is no such thing as you finding your soulmate and all will be well.
All relationships have challenges. What of people who lose their spouses and end up enjoying their later relationship than the former? Are you then saying they have two soul mates? No, I beg to disagree. Find someone you are happy with and work on bringing out the best in each other. Remember love gives, it isn’t selfish, it considers the other too.
Myth 2: Both Partners Must Agree On Everything For A Relationship To Be Noteworthy
We are different people from different backgrounds with different upbringing and way of life, you have been moulded by sure rules and laws, even biologically. You definitely cannot see eye to eye on sure issues.
Being in a relationship should afford you the opportunity to contribute your quota and also you should be able to express your displeasure when situations that are not comfortable with arise. Only robots conform to the status quo without voicing out.
You and your mate will rarely see eye to eye on issues, you may need to bend sometimes and compromise. It’s okay to want to be able to understand and do all you can to please your mate, but note that it won’t be easy.
You need to have a large heart to do so, even at that, it will come with a price of having to ignore or be hurt. Holding on to this particular myth may lead you into delusion. Be realistic.
On the other hand, I am not trying to say that you shouldn’t try to agree with your spouse in decision making, I’m only saying it may not be possible sometimes.
Myth 3: For You To Have A Noteworthy Relationship, You Have To Be Excellent At Conflict Resolution
I’m sure you are beginning to wonder where I am headed, as I am debunking myths that are so true. That is why they are called myths. They are popular and look so true yet if you look closely you will discover the loopholes and downside of it if you choose to adopt it as your relationship goal.
You will agree with me that there are some negative traits of your mate that you have chosen to live with because you keep disagreeing with always. We are told by relationship experts that we need to master the art of conflict resolution to be able to manage our spouses but this is not true as you will always be you and your mate will always remain the same.
You can’t change them and please do not try to do so. Myths tell us that you can’t be happy in a relationship if you keep having issues. Truth is, Issues will always come up and some may never be resolved. If they will ever be resolved, it means either of the couples will have to shift grounds for peace to reign.
Ask your parents or couples who will be willing to tell you the truth and you will be shocked to discover that there are truly unresolvable issues, yet you can still be happy in your relationship in spite of them. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you are in a wrong relationship just because you don’t agree on some issues.
How do you handle issues?
Don’t take it too personal or resort to name-calling.
Never get physical.
Talk it out lovingly.
Learn to meet in the middle sometimes.
Once done, do not refer to it again.
Set yourself free from that particular hurt, move on.
Don’t let issues linger, resolve them as soon as they come up. Don’t bottle them up, it could lead to resentment, bitterness and hatred.
Myth 4: You Must Have Common Interests For Your Relationship To Thrive
This makes me laugh a lot because I have got some funny memories when I was Growing up with my parents as I saw so much love between them.
Dad loved football a lot and mum supported dads favourite team but I hated football with a passion, in fact, I still do when I began to prepare for marriage, dad began to emphasise on this myth, he used to say I should try to love watching football else I will have issues in my marriage.
It later became law that whenever there is a match, I must stay awake and sit beside him to watch the match. It was unbearable for me, I saw it as torture.
After my marriage, I tried to sit with my husband as he watched football matches, yet I couldn’t bear it. I began to excuse myself or feign illness whenever there was an upcoming match.
My husband discovered I never loved football and decided I watch movies in the room while he stays in the sitting to watch his matches. It came as a great relief to me, he was able to see right through my body language and he found a way out for me.
Some couples believe that they have to engage in some sort of activity together to be happy but this is not true. Some pretend like I used to and it drives some level of tension and unhappiness into your relationship. Please be free and do what makes you happy.
There are certainly some little activities you can do together or perhaps you are even doing together that makes you happy, don’t be burdened if you don’t have one or begin to think that you must have one for your relationship to thrive. When it comes to bigger things like taking a dance class, attending a music school or even drawing, if you don’t feel like it, please let it go.
Myth 5: Your Partner Has To Be Straightened Out For Your Relationship To Thrive
No one is perfect including you. It takes two flawed people to make a relationship, yes you read correctly. It is true because you are as flawed as your mate because you both are not perfect, the difference is in the fact that your areas of strengths and weaknesses differ.
A lot of couples feel only their partner can make them happy and as a result, they depend heavily on their partner to achieve that.
Happiness is a state of mind and it’s something you can achieve without depending on your spouse. Note that your mate is only meant to complement and not complete you.
If you are naturally an unhappy person, your spouse cannot change you. In fact you will be bringing some negative vibes into the relationship and it may end up frustrating your partner if it is not managed properly.
Some think their life would have been better if they had not married their mate or if only their mate can just change, all will be fine. Note that you are responsible for yourself as much as your mate is responsible for him or herself too. You are a team and as such you are both responsible for the way your relationship turns out.
Instead of waiting for your mate to change why not look inwards, your decisions, habits and even opinions may have led you to where you are. If you keep looking at your spouse, you may end up being frustrated.
I remember late Micheal Jackson’s song, if you need to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change. This is about the man in the mirror. look inwards and you will find the answer. Take your eyes away from your spouse and start working on you.
Myth 6: Relationships That Are Meant To Be Will Be Easy
I laugh again. Relationship is work. It requires tending and nurturing. It’s normal to experience some level of friction in the initial phase and as the relationship continues you get to discover things that you won’t be comfortable with. How do you handle this? You don’t need to pretend, you need to voice out.
Ask people in relationships that appear to be calm and peaceful, you will discover that one of the partners are either pretending or are in abusive relationships and have to put on a facade in public to hide what they are going through. No relationships are alike and they all have peculiar challenges. there is none without issues.
Myth 7: Making Love Is A Bonding Factor In Relationships
I wish this were true. If it were, your first relationship would have ended in marriage or the first person you slept with would have been your spouse now. But you know that is not true. Making out is good and essential in a relationship but it doesn’t stand alone. There are other things that make a relationship work.
Myth 8: Couples Should Design Out On A Fixed Number Of Times In A Week
I wish this were also true. I always advise people to do what works for them. Some people run their relationships based on what they hear from people forgetting that their schedule and way of doing things differently.
While dating, you may have made love three times a week but now you are married and there are kids, it may not be realistic to continue in the same way.
You may have to work out the time for that so you don’t neglect the kids. This may make some couples think there’s something wrong somewhere. Remember there are bills to pay now and times have changed compared to your dating years.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should neglect making love totally, all I’m saying is don’t be conformed to the idea of making love on a fixed number of times in a week. Be innovative, work towards what works for you and enjoy your relationship.
Myth 9: If My Partner Loves Me, They Will Be With Me Only
We are all intertwined and connected in life. Secluding ourselves just because we are in love doesn’t make sense. You would not have found each other if you were lone rangers. There should be freedom to engage in other relationships and hang out with friends sometimes. They have their place in the life of your spouse.
You should have couples night out where you mix with people. Business hangouts where you engage and create good relationships. Your mates world isn’t centred around you only, they have family and friends and they were there long before you came into the picture. please live and let live.
Myth 10: Withholding Erotic Activities From Your Partner Will Design Them Do Whatever You Want
This is a dangerous belief to hold on to. Making our is cheap and can be gotten anywhere. Why deny your partner that erotic satisfaction? This is manipulative. It may work for some but not everyone. Even if it does, why think of doing it at all? Your mate may discover and find an alternative.
Note also that it’s possible for erotic activites to be withheld perhaps for health reasons or mutually agreed issues. Please, it should not be used as a weapon against your spouse.
The myths are not limited to the above-mentioned. Thanks for staying with me as I blew up the myths There are a whole lot of them. Please stick with what works for you. As long as you and your mate are happy, that’s what matters.
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The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé