Congratulations, you are a wife. Welcome to the school where you are handed your certificate at the beginning of the journey and not at the end like others. For better for worse, till death do us part. I’m sure those words ring a bell as they are the Clichés that resound in most marriage celebrations.
Every woman looks forward to exchanging those vows and heads straight for how to keep her man immediately after tying the knot as they don’t want to lose the wifely feeling and all they want to do is give their man the best. And until it is done, they keep putting all their best into their relationships.
Now, you are where you have always wanted to be, but why does it seem the love you once felt for your mate is out of the window? Are you stressed or burned out with the burden of being a wife and mother, amongst other things?
Sometimes we indeed get busy trying to live up to our roles as we get drawn in different directions. We try to gain balance in them, but it seems difficult to attain, and you find yourself falling short in your wifely duties because you feel your mate will understand.
Other times we may get engrossed in or even overtaken by our struggles that we forget the men in our lives. This is so true, and I’m guilty of it too, so you don’t have to beat yourself up.
As women, we are quick to scream and speak out at the slightest form of neglect, and this means that in most cases, we tend to be more open than our men. We need to be cautious, especially if our men are not the very open type that expresses themselves easily.
You will be surprised when you learn about some things that may be going on in his mind that he finds difficult to speak with you about. This is why we should step up our game of being a good wife. So, I pose a question, want to know how to be a good wife?
Being a good wife entails a whole lot of things. First, you need to understand a man’s basic needs, which are respect, the desire to win at whatever they do, not just at work but with you, and then being satisfied in bed.
Knowing this, you have to realize that just as we have fears, insecurities, and struggles, our men also go through the same. That your man doesn’t mention, it doesn’t erase the fact that he’s going through stuff.
Some men find it difficult to talk about their challenges, and it may be hard also to try to get him to talk. Please don’t blame it on him; it’s the male ego; blame it on biology.
If you want to know how to be a good wife, you need to come to terms with the fact that your man has fears and challenges, and you have to find a way to help him. Now, how to be a good wife?
1. Be An Encourager
Men deal with self-image issues just like we sometimes do. Most men battle with low self-esteem, weight problems, and the need to meet their contemporaries. Some get into unhealthy competitions to prove a point and feel good about it. This is where we come in as wives, and being an encourager is one of a good wife’s qualities.
Do you offer encouraging words to your mate?
Do you give him compliments?
Do you make him feel like you still feel butterflies in your tummy when you lock eyes with him?
Your man needs to be told how you feel about him, and he needs to hear you say those words.
Remember, there’s so much on his shoulder; you need to offer him some relief sometimes by letting him know you appreciate all he does. Sometimes help him solve the puzzle of your emotions by telling him what you need and not giving him the silent treatment when he falls short or even leaving him to figure out where he missed it.
Don’t make life more complicated than it is for him already. He may not know what to do in certain situations; he may find it difficult believing in himself; tell him he’s the best man not just with words or empty flattering but be intentional with the words you say to him.
He may be overwhelmed with so many responsibilities. He may not have a 9 to 5 job, but he is definitely out there, doing something to cater for you and the kids, be appreciative.
Most men are afraid of not being able to live up to societal expectations, so most times, they end up becoming over-ambitious, getting involved in bad practices, or give up and run away. That is why this post is here to help you know how to be a good wife by understanding your man’s basic need to be respected and the need to win in whatever they do.
Trust me when I say they need our applauses as wives. They yearn inwardly for our “thumbs up,” pat on the back, and that voice that says to them, ‘you are doing great, you may not have gotten to the prize or hit the mark this time, but I trust you will do better next time. Our men long for this even when they don’t say it.
I remember the story of a couple I read a long time ago of a woman who had problems in her marriage, and after seeing a counselor, she was told to have a heart-to-heart talk with her spouse and appreciate him for times he has been a good man to her.
She summoned up the courage to do this at dinner with her husband, and the result was mind-blowing. As soon as she began talking to her man, he froze, and tears began to well up in his eyes. The story had it that it was the first time she ever said anything appreciative to him in all their years together as a couple.
Wives, men are not robots, they are human, and they have feelings. I can only imagine how many men out there need to be encouraged some more. Many need to be cheered up; they need to be told they are loved.
A little assignment:
Try doing something special for your man today. Appreciate him by thanking him for all his efforts to pay the bills, encourage him and spur him on with your words.
2. Respect Him
Being a good wife means you should be respectful. Yes, he may be egotistical and exhibit some manly traits and ego towards you, but please blame it on biology. Being respectful doesn’t change you. It doesn’t demean you either. Reverence and be submissive to him too.
One lesson I learned from my mum is this “A man becomes putty in the hands of a woman who knows how to respect him’. Better put is “A satisfied man will do anything for his wife.” Showing respect to your husband doesn’t make you a doormat, as some ladies erroneously believe.
Want to know more about how to be a good wife?
3. Don’t Speak Ill Of Your Man
Imagine taking out the trash and emptying the contents in the bin. What does it smell like? Is the smell pleasant to the nostril? Can you water it as a fragrance on your clothes? Definitely not. That’s how repulsive some words we speak to our men are.
Our goal should be to build up our men and not tear them down with words. How do we then communicate when there are issues? Do we report them to all and sundry or try to resolve issues amicably without a third party? Do you trash talk your man to anyone that cares to listen? Do you expose his weaknesses when he offends you? Do you yell at him? Do you threaten him with the “divorce ” word?
4. Talk The Talk
This is one vital point on how to be a good wife. Do you hide from your man? Do you keep secrets? I understand that sometimes it’s wise to stay silent and overlook some things for peace to reign, but it should not always be so.
Remember, you are dealing with someone who has a past; he was a child, did some growing up, evolved, and is currently a build-up of so many events and experiences.
Don’t forget that your man has been through thick and thin that has formed his opinion, ideas, and even the way he sees things. These and many more are the reasons why you both may never agree on some issues as your view of life is through a different set of lenses.
The question now is how to be a good wife when communicating with your man the right way?
I greatly emphasize that couples are friends before they settle in as lovers because friends will always talk about things. Talking goes beyond words but includes body language also.
Let’s begin with the eyes. Looking into the eyes of your spouse when they speak tells them they have your attention. It goes a long way to convey some warmth across, too, knowing they are safe with you. When they say something funny, wink at them; when they break the good news, let your eyes light up.
Do something with your body that passes across a special kind of message. Please don’t listen to them absent-mindedly, don’t keep looking at the phone or watching Tv when there is a discussion going on between you two; it sends a signal of you not being ready to listen to them.
Not paying attention to your mate could still enter your bedroom as your mate may not respond to your touch. Next is to let them know you are following the conversation by responding while they speak.
Can you keep a secret? If yes, then your mate will never wear a mask when with you, but if you have a leaking bag, your mate may find it difficult being open to you about essential matters, and I’m sure you know that this means that someone else may be giving him that attention outside.
Don’t disseminate unsolicited advice. Allow your mate to give their thoughts, then politely give your input. Don’t jump to conclusions; your mate may have it all figured out and may only need a listening ear, so don’t ruin things.
Ask questions when you don’t understand what has been discussed, and ask open-ended questions that would make it easy for your mate to open up to you.
Don’t attack them even when wrong. Please don’t bring the past issues; let them go. Whenever you are angry, try to simmer down before speaking so you don’t vent; try to also agree on word boundaries, mine with. My husband is never to allow the word “divorce” to come up in any of our misunderstandings with each other.
5. Get Personal
Most women are quick to ask if getting intimate with their husbands is food? And I say yes, it is to the majority of men. It doesn’t just begin from the bed but what he sees. What do you wear when you are with him? Want to know how to be a good wife and improve your marriage? Scrutinize for ways to seduce him, make him deliberately chase you.
Some wives have failed in this aspect as some use it as a manipulative tool to get things from their husbands, while others, when not in the mood, deflate their husbands’ ego by responding when he gets close to them in bed.
Some others misinterpreted every show of affection by the man to mean he wants to get down and dirty, and this pushes the man away into the waiting arms of another woman out there. Yet another set of women leave their personal hygiene unattended to, and when the man comes knocking, he gets turned off just merely looking at his wife.
Imagine a wife unshaven, not well trimmed in her armpits, wearing old and dirty underwear and bad-smelling odor oozing out of her buccal cavity. Meanwhile, her husband has hot chics all around him at work with well-made hair, groomed nails, lovemaking triggering perfumes, and well-packaged bodies; tell me why the men won’t go after them?
Note that I’m not trying to sponsor cheating here as no one should cheat on his or her spouse, but all I’m trying to drive home here is to stop sponsoring such affairs with our men’s attitudes.
Wives, it’s time to step up your game! Get well-fitting clothes and underwear, let your fragrance do some introduction, and your look send a statement of “come grab me.”
What happens when it’s time? Do you just lay like a log of wood? No, you try to participate; take the lead sometimes. Ask what he wants and give it to him. A good wife doesn’t wait to be invited for fellowship with her husband but initiates it and tries some sweet relationship rituals to help her love last.
Don’t be a boring wife; get some mouth-opening lingerie and make your man go crazy even before he reaches out for you. Be adventurous and try out new things. Watch his reaction whenever you touch him and note his susceptible spots.
6. Set The Atmosphere
Every man wants to return home at the close of work to a calm and serene environment. If there’s any noise at all, it should be a welcome home party for him as the king of the house with the kids running out to welcome him home and cheering him with “welcome dad.” You also meet him at the door with some show of affection and not a yelling wife asking where he has been or a wife who refuses to serves him dinner after a hard day at work because of an offense he committed earlier in the day. No man wants to return home to a nagging wife who complains about everything.
Another lesson I learned from my mum is to allow him to cool off before telling him about your day. I also learned not to break bad news too early but allow him to settle in, shower, have dinner, and while it’s time for pillow talk, you can then rub minds with him.
Men love to be pampered, so take advantage of offering him body massage; it could be a foot or back massage, just something to take away the stress and help him relax. Men seek and pursue peace, and they run towards wherever they can find it. Dinky wonder there are mistresses everywhere.
Ex contacted me about 9 years after he had gotten married and was so full of complaints of how she ignores him, how he has never sent a single text message saying “I love you” to him. Instead, she snoops around his phone, constantly checking to see who he’s seeing.
I know this ex of mine to an extent, and so I could feel his pain knowing his kind of personality. I only advised him to try and be more loving. He’s presently enduring his marriage and wishes we were together. I can imagine the number of men in these same shoes out there.
Wives, let’s take our positions and learn how to be a good wife by making the home a haven for them. Let us be an oasis of peace and a place where they can run to and unwind after facing the world.
7. Feed Him
A good wife cares about her husband’s nutrition. Even when you don’t have so much, you can improvise and prepare highly nutritious meals for your man. If need be, go to catering school, join cooking groups online, and try to offer some very nice varieties to his taste buds. Watch out for his favorite meal and look for several ways to prepare it.
I understand that men can be difficult at times, but you will be termed a good wife by your man when you discover his needs and seek to meet them. If you find it hard to try any of the aforementioned tips, don’t be hard on yourself or try to beat yourself up, it’s a continuous cycle, you will keep learning and unlearning. I’m not perfect, too, but as you strive on, you will get there.
8. Support Him
Go through thick and thin with him. Every man’s journey in life is laced with ups and downs. There are times and seasons where things will not go how he planned or expected things to go with him. Will you be there during those times? Will you wade in the water with him or abscond when the challenges arrive?
The starting point of learning how to be a good wife is knowing from the beginning that life is not a bed of roses, and despite these challenges, a marriage can still work when there is a great deal of understanding between the parties involved.
Life is filled with bittersweet experiences and so also is marriage. Challenges come to test your resolve and also offer you in disguise an opportunity on how to be a good wife.
Is this all it takes to be a good wife? Definitely not, there’s the need to be patient, the need to praise your man, the need to give him some space and not overcrowd him, and the list goes on. This is just a starting point on how to be a good wife; you can add yours.
Note that all the change you desire both in you and your spouse may not show up immediately, but you will see changes as you continue.