We’ve all been there, we’ve all had those sleepless nights and seemingly meaningless mornings when it’s only been a couple days since you got your heart broken. It genuinely feels like nothing’s right, and nothing really matters, and even though it’s an extremely cliché line, but time heals everything. It really does, people get over all sorts of unbelievably deep sorrows in life, whether it be the death of their parents, closest friends, their own child, or having a close family member diagnosed with a fatal disease. It all seems unbearable when it hits us, but we tend to underestimate how strong we are as humans. This article is meant to answer heart-crushing questions like how long will I stay in this state? What should I do to make it easier? Keep reading, you’re in the right place.
Heartbreak follows the same pattern as any other healing process, it’s the worst in the beginning and takes time to bring the pieces back together one by one. One thing’s for sure though, despite what you may feel like at the moment, you WILL get over it, it’s just a matter of how long it takes you. When people tell you this though, you’d always feel like they don’t know what you’re feeling. But, believe it or not, they’ve probably been in your position too. Love really isn’t a one-time thing, it’s an emotion and there are just way too many people in the world to lose hope in finding the right one for you again.
On Average, How Long Does It Take to Get Over A First Heartbreak?
We’ve already made a pretty powerful claim that one way or the other, you really will get through this, it’s just a matter of time. This raises the obvious yet alarmingly difficult question; how long? Now that depends upon a number of factors; things like how long your relationship was, the reason behind the heartbreak, and whether you got dumped or cheated on. But it also depends upon how you choose to plan your action plan ahead after you’ve cried your eyes out for a few nights.
If you actually believe in yourself to find a way out of this tunnel of hopelessness, you can go on a mission to help yourself with the tips we’ll provide in this article, instead of just being a hot mess wasting your days away. If you play your cards right, it should only be a matter of a couple of months before you get back on track being the “Wolf of Wall Street” in your life. For serious cases though, it’s possible to see no major improvements until four months – but that’s the maximum.
5 Signs That You Are Experiencing A Severe Heartbreak or A True Heartbreak
Before we get to the ways to solve the problem though, it’s vital to identify whether you really are suffering through it or not. The diagnosis needs to be precise before the treatment begins, so here’s a list of signs that point towards a state of heartbreak – see if you fit the category.
1. You Can’t Seem to Think about Anything Else
It’s pretty understandable to have wandering thoughts about your ex after an end to a long relationship, but if their memories are all that go through your mind through day and night, that’s a serious sign of heartbreak.
2. You’ve Started Staying Distant
If you’ve stopped talking to your relatives, and you’re choosing to stay away from friends to completely stay alone because all you need is isolation, then that points toward heartbreak as well. Your friends may not be experts at comforting you, but not choosing to vent to anyone isn’t advisable.
3. It’s a Robotic Feeling to Work or Study
If you go to work, you feel numb doing your tasks and completing your workload. There’s no emotion involved in the activities you do out there at your workplace, or your institute (if you’re a student). Feeling robotic doing the things you do daily means you have a broken heart.
4. Saying No to Dating Anyone Again
It can sometimes be a healthy choice to decide that you’re not going to date someone at the moment, but only if it’s for the right reasons – such as understanding you’re not ready for a relationship yet, be it because of your finances or just have limited time. But if you’ve made up your mind against dating again because of an inner fear of losing a partner again, that’s a problem. Also, if you feel like no one in the world can make you happy except your ex, that’s also a problem.
5. You Just Can’t Fall Asleep
It can be genuinely hard to get some shuteye after you’ve gone through a crushing break up, and it can be extra hard if your ex used to share your bed. However, if you’re just crying the whole night, tumbling and turning but just can’t fall asleep – you’re heartbroken. But it’s time to fix that now and keep reading ahead to find out what you should do to get over it.
10 Ways to Cope and Recover from Heartbreak Depression
1. Remember that what you felt was real
Even if it didn’t end up working out the way you’d have expected, it doesn’t mean your feelings weren’t real. You weren’t delusional, it wasn’t just hormones, it was a real connection. Don’t let other people invalidate your feelings, even if it’s their attempt to help you get through it.
2. Find reasons to be thankful for love
Even if it has to end with a painful emotional blow, love is still a blessing. Think of all the lessons you learned through the relationship that’s now ended, there’s always wisdom to be found within heartbreak – remember that.
3. Everything really does happen for a reason
The Universe has a weird way of teaching us what we need to learn to open newer and better possibilities for us in the coming future. Life goes on, and your ex isn’t the last person who is going to please you. The end of a relationship isn’t always the result of failure or mistake.
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” – Eckhart Tolle
4. Live in the ‘Now’
Make an active effort to stay away from wandering deep into your past, especially in memories of your ex. It’s equally bad to be worried about what will happen in the future, such as thinking whether your ex will find someone better than you. That’s just going to spread more darkness inside you, and you definitely do not want that when you’re looking to recover. Stay in the present, think about the current moment, that’s all.
5. Get rid of the negativity
Holding grudges against your ex, even if they’re totally justified, isn’t going to affect them or hurt them if there’s already been a breakup. Hoarding those emotions will just harm you, no one else. They’ll hinder your psychological recovery, your peace, and your sleep. Say it in your head that you forgive them and you choose to let them go.
6. Do not check their social media
You don’t want them to do well without you, we get it, no one wants that. But this is an extremely important tip to heal from heartbreak, you’ve got to cut away the sources that show you the face of your ex or tell you what they’re doing right now (and how happy they are). Social media does exactly that! So, the next time you feel tempted to unlock your phone and visit their page, don’t, seriously.
7. Get support
This tip links to one of the signs of the heartbreak mentioned above about isolation. That’s a no-no, you can’t be isolated from the world around you if you expect to recover from your depressed state. Talk to people, give them a chance to hear you out, you’ll feel like a weight is lifted off your chest, even if they don’t say much back to you. Tell them what you need from them at the moment, and they’ll do it because they care about you. That’s what friends and family are for!
8. You’re lovable
Just because your ex didn’t fall in love with you, obviously doesn’t mean you’re not capable of being loved, because that’s a dangerous misinterpretation of being dumped or cheated on. No matter what you feel like at the moment, don’t let anyone make you think you weren’t ‘enough’. You’re lovable, just like every other person on the planet, don’t forget that.
9. Learn to love yourself
It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-harming behavior patterns when you’re going through a serious punch in your emotional guts, but you must recognize when you feel them kicking in and kick them out. You deserve all the love you can give yourself because the world comes second, you should come first in your priority list. Get enough rest, water, food, and nutrition – that’s key to fighting heartbreak.
10. It’ll pass, trust the process
Baby steps, one day at a time, and let the passing weeks heal you as they go. You might not be able to imagine yourself feeling truly happy again, or capable to love someone else, you definitely will. As said above, we underestimate our capabilities and our spirit, so it’s best to trust the process. It works for everyone.
You have to go through heartbreak yourself to understand what it can do to someone, and it really can be emotionally crushing when depression kicks in every day and night regularly. It’s just you, and the walls around you. People may come up with stupid ways to comfort you, saying “Are you still upset about that boy? Look around, there are plenty of boys!”, but it’s not that simple, we get it. You’ll need time, and you’ll need to make efforts to take care of yourself. What will matter the most in this time period is your belief in the fact that things WILL go back to normal again, you will find happiness again, no matter how hopeless it may feel right now. All the best!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé