Many of us have considered getting back together with an ex who we still have feelings for – even after years of being apart. But is it a good idea? And do people ever rekindle a relationship with an ex successfully?
Here, in this article, we look to answer those questions, as well as discussing what we should consider when thinking about getting back with an ex after years. We also explore whether getting back with an ex ever works out for people in the long term.
What To Consider Before Getting Back With An Ex After Years
So do you still look back at your ex and your relationship and wonder if you did the right thing in breaking up with him or her? Here, we investigate what you should consider before getting back with an ex after years apart. It is important to be honest with yourself – and your ex. If you don’t, you stand to hurt each other all over again.
1. Are The Reasons You Broke Up Still An Issue?
It is imperative to revisit the problems and issues you both had that caused you to break up in the first place. If you think that they are no longer issues, then getting back with your ex could be a good idea if you still love him or her.
However, if you don’t think that those issues have been properly addressed, then you need to look at how to resolve them before you even consider getting back with each other. If you don’t address them, all they will do is appear again and cause problems for you again. In fact, you risk hurting each other even more as those issues could be even more painful now all these years or months later.
To do so, ensure that you talk with your ex about why you broke up initially and see whether they have managed to move on from the problems you had too. It may be that he or she still harbors a great deal of hurt regarding what transpired between the two of you. Or, they still may not want to take ownership of the wrongs that they did when you were together.
It could be from that point that you realize that if you got back together, your old problems would still be causing you issues. Or it could be that you are happy to try again while doing the necessary work to help solve those very issues that are still problems for you.
Without a doubt, the key point throughout all of this is that you both need to communicate with one another at a much deeper and frequent level than you did before. In doing so, you will give yourselves a fighting chance of making things work this time around.
2. What Has Changed?
So often when we want an ex back we are not willing to admit what has or hasn’t changed. Even though you still love him or her, even after years apart, it can be beneficial to question what has changed in that time, and why would it be different this time?
The reason being is that just because you want things to be different, it does not necessarily follow that things will be this time around. We always want to hope for the best, but when it comes to relationships, it isn’t always enough.
Either someone has had to fundamentally change or admit their wrongdoings, or someone has to change their perspective on what has happened in the past. This can take a long time, which may be why getting back together after years apart can actually be very successful.
Changing your perspective on something can really help with forgiveness and can give you a real fighting chance of success if you get back with an ex. It means you can move on from situations that have happened in the past and understand why you both acted as you did.
3. Do You Love Him Or Her?
This is such a crucial question to ask yourself, and you really need to take the time to answer it honestly and openly. You don’t even have to tell your ex what your thoughts or feelings are with regards to the answer. But you definitely need to know whether you still love your ex or not.
The reason that answering this question is necessary is because a lot of why we miss an ex is out of habit, not love. By this, we miss a person because of the routine that we got into with them and we simply get used to their company all the time – as and when we want it. When that is gone, it is the habit we miss and we can struggle with how to fill that void.
However, that void is not necessarily loving feelings. So ask yourself whether you miss your ex because you actually love them, or you just prefer being in a couple with someone. Many exes try a relationship again for reasons of fear of being on their own, as opposed to ones of love.
Therefore take the time to answer whether you want this relationship because you enjoy being with your ex specifically, or you just enjoy being with someone, even if it was actually someone else. If the latter is the case, it could be that getting your ex back is not the best step forward for you at this moment in time.
4. Are You Looking Back With Rose-Tinted Glasses?
The last thing that you need to answer honestly is whether you are looking back on both your relationship and also your ex with rose-tinted glasses. It is such an easy thing to do and we can often look at the past and feel like life was better then.
However, we all naturally look back and forget all the bad things that happened too. It’s a way of coping with bad situations and feelings that occurred to us in the past and as such we often look back on an ex – even from years ago – and remember that time far too fondly.
Bearing this in mind, try to remember all the bad points of your relationship too, therefore. It will help you confirm to yourself whether you are willing to try things again with him. If you still want your ex back, then that is great and you stand a good chance of having a successful relationship again.
However, if you look back on years ago and remember all the bad that happened and come to the conclusion that things may not be rosy for you in the future, you then need to ask yourself and your ex, whether you can work through those issues now.
Is It Possible To Get Back With An Ex Years Later?
Often, when we think about getting back together with an ex, it is in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. However, for some, we may look back on a relationship that happened years ago and wonder whether it is possible to get back with them now. Here, we investigate in detail whether you can indeed get an ex back after years apart and what you need to ensure for the relationship to be a success this time around.
If You Are Both In Love.
You need to confirm to yourself and your ex whether you both still love each other. If you do, then you could well get back with one another and make a real go of things now. You may still have to do some work to ensure the success of your relationship, but if you do still have these strong feelings for one another, then you already have a strong basis to get back with each other.
However, if you don’t love each other, you need to start questioning why you want to get back with your ex at all. When you find the answers and reasons for this, you may find out deep-rooted issues that you need to work through so that you can move on from the relationship as a whole. Many of us look back at old partners with fondness that forgets all the bad that has happened – and importantly how those bad situations or character traits impacted us and our happiness in the past.
For example, are you conveniently forgetting your ex-partner’s nasty temper? Or are you forgetting your ex’s forever wandering eye? Have you forgotten that you used to bicker all day every day which used to turn into full-blown arguments?
All of these things are acceptable to some people, while not to others. Either way, what always needs to be present in a relationship to work when people have shortcomings (which we all do), is love. In fact, we need to adore those shortcomings of the people we are in a relationship with and love them more because of those traits – not in spite of them.
If You Have Solved Your Issues.
So often when breaking up with a person it is because the issues that are causing us to be unhappy seem far too large to overcome. Bearing that in mind, why is that different for you and your ex now? Have you both done work to resolve the issues that caused the break down of your relationship the first time?
As mentioned above, it could be that while you were apart, you have had time to cool down and the issues you had may not be quite such huge problems for you now. It could be that your perspective on them has changed and that you have more understanding of what caused the issues in the first place. That understanding can really help people move on and the issues may not have been resolved, but they just are not as problematic at this point now.
However, it could be that those issues are still present. If that is the case, and you still want your ex back, then it may be a good idea for you both to have an open and honest conversation with one another. In that conversation, you need to explore what needs to change in the future for your relationship to last if you were to give it another go.
If you don’t, you run the risk of giving it another go yet causing each other more pain when those issues inevitably come about again.
If You Have Forgiven Each Other.
In addition to resolving problems that caused you to break up is the fact that you both need to have forgiven each other so that you stand a chance of reconciliation.
For example, if your ex had an affair with someone else when you were an item, have you forgiven him or her? If you haven’t forgiven your partner for something like this, or anything else that caused you to separate then you need to address this with him or her before you start up again.
The reason being is that if you haven’t forgiven each other for things that happened in the past, then they could cause problems for your future. Forgiveness is the key to having a successful relationship again and without it, you are not likely to stand the test of time.
If Other Issues At Play Are No Longer Present.
In the main, we have discussed issues and problems that come from situations of a person’s doing or character. For example, a person cheating or doing some other thing that has caused so much pain and suffering in a relationship that caused a breakup.
However, sometimes there are more practical reasons why people break up and if you are both thinking about whether it is possible for you to make a go of things after years apart, those practical issues have to have been resolved too. In fact, this is imperative as otherwise a relationship simply won’t work.
For example, did one of you have to move away with work causing your relationship to become long-distance? Or did one of you want children? Or was there something else that caused you both to drift apart?
If these are the case, what is different now? Has one of you changed your mind about starting a family? Do you both now live local to one another? Whatever it is, something needs to have changed or been resolved in this issue for you and your ex to stand a chance should you start up a relationship again.
Do People Ever Get Back Together After Years?
Now that we have looked at whether it is possible for two people to start up with each other after breaking up, we investigate whether it does actually happen.
The short answer is yes, people do get back together after years of separation. The processes and journeys they have all taken however to get to that point will all be different. No two people are the same and for that reason, no one relationship will be the same, so the ways that they rekindle their romances will all vary in some ways.
It is important to realize this so that should you harbor hope that your ex will want you and him to start up again, that you don’t pin all your hopes on something that may never happen. For, just because you want to try again, it does not necessarily follow that your ex will – even if you were the one who broke things off initially.
For that reason, there will be many people around the world who argue that people don’t ever get back with one another after years apart. There will be some that hope that one day that could happen and that they will get their ex back. However, a great deal of the time, people do not manage to start up again as, so often, the problems that broke them apart initially are still present. The result is they don’t even manage to become a couple again to see if things can work out differently – they fall at the first hurdle.
So many people will, therefore, tell you to be very wary about trying to start up again with an ex. The likelihood is that those people are ones that have tried to do the same in the past and have been hurt.
Does Getting Back With An Ex Ever Work Out?
Trying to go out again with an ex is not usually a trouble-free journey, but if you manage it, will it even work out? Is it possible to be happy with an ex years after you have initially split up? Or are you just sentencing yourself to more pain and hurt further down the line?
As ever, there is no easy answer to this. The reason being is that relationships are so incredibly different each and every time – not only do they vary from couple to couple, they can vary enormously at any one given moment or place.
Timing can be everything with a relationship and can make or break two people’s affection for one another. So if you do manage to rekindle things with your ex, it could be that things will be different this try around. It could be that you are both simply ready to admit that you want to dedicate your life to each other and get married, whereas when you first got together you were much younger and didn’t want to tie yourself down.
However, there are instances where patching things up with an ex definitely does not work. It can be hard to tell, obviously, whether this will be you if you don’t give things a go. However, you need to be aware that your feelings could get hurt all over again if relations break down in the future between the pair of you.
It is possible to get back together with an ex if you both make sure that you have moved on from the problems that caused you to break up in the first place. Plus, you need to ensure that you both still love each other even after all the time you have been apart has passed.
Many couples get back together after years of being apart. Sometimes it doesn’t work out for everyone, but for some couples, it does materialize into a happy new relationship again where both people feel good about being back together.
Getting back with an ex can be a risky business. For some couples, it can seem like a good idea, but in reality, the problems that caused the first breakup start to rear their ugly heads again. However, for some, the time apart can make them see they both have feelings too deep to give up.
If you want to get back with an ex, make sure that you do so with a clear mind and that you do not have rose-tinted glasses on. So often, our brains are hardwired to remember the good stuff and forget the bad. It means that getting back with an ex can seem like a much better idea than it really is.
Putting figures on exes getting back together is tough as there are so many variables at stake at any one moment. Plus, just because exes get back together, it does not necessarily mean that you and your ex will be able to stay together if you give your relationship another shot.
The Bottom Line
Restarting a relationship that broke down in the past is a hard thing to do. For starters, the two people involved both need to want to try again and become a couple once more. What is harder yet is to become a couple again and stay a couple.
The reason being is that all the pain and hurt that came from the first break down of the relationship, is most likely still going to be there. While this can be managed and worked through, it takes a lot of work and an excellent level of communication between two people to make that happen.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé