Type Of Break Ups Suitable For The “He Will Come Back” Contrarian Approach
Breakups are a hard thing to deal with and can leave you feeling more than a little confused and lost especially if you’ve been hit out of the blue by the decision.
What happens when you still want him and try to get him back, what are the rules then?
The main rule is, LEAVE HIM ALONE!
I know what you’re thinking. If you do that he’ll move on faster than it takes to pronounce your name. No, leaving him alone is exactly the remedy to your situation because if you don’t pester him he’s going to bring himself to you. Instead, focus on making yourself better and let him watch this from a distance.
He is confused just as you are
Fire and Oxygen
Fire needs oxygen to survive and without it, it will eventually die out. If a fire was burning in a burning building with all the windows and doors closed, the fire would be starved of oxygen and begin dying out. But if you opened a window, it would grow exponentially towards the open window and ultimately the oxygen it craves so much.
The ‘No contact’ rule works in the same way. Your ex’s advances are the fire and your attention is the oxygen. If you apply the ‘No contact’ rule and starve him of the attention during this period, when he eventually gets it, he’ll be so overwhelmed he’ll feel like he needs to earn you back.
Before you rush off to get the love of your life back, check this list of breakups suitable for the ‘he will come back’ approach cause we definitely don’t want you barking up the wrong tree.
a) Mutual decision breakup
If you both sat down and came to the conclusion that your relationship wasn’t working out the way you hoped and you both feel that you could use a break to work on your individual selves, then there’s a chance that you might find your way to each other again.
b) The circumstantial breakup
A close relative of the mutual decision breakup, this breakup is due to some seemingly unavoidable circumstances like distance or disapproving sides. You could choose to cross these barriers between your love if you work on it. Although it won’t be easy, there is still hope for you.
Fixable breakups are not limited to just these three. In truth, any relationship is fixable if both of you are willing to overlook the mistakes made or both make a commitment to fix it and move on.
c) Petty disagreements and lack of proper communication
Fighting and disagreement are common in any relationship but sometimes it gets too much and one or both of you start feeling like it would be best to call it quits. A breakdown in communication will put a strain on the best of relationships but if you learn healthy ways of communicating and letting your feelings known, then there is hope for you.
3 Contrarian Approaches To Make Him Come Back
We’ve already mentioned that you need to leave him alone if you want him to come back and some of you went into a mini panic attack at that, so we’ll tell you exactly how to leave him alone while also drawing him in.
1. Leave him alone
Can’t stress on this enough. Most of us (me included), tend to go a little psycho immediately after a breakup and we start stalking his every move. I don’t think I need to say this, but you need to hear it so here it is. This is crazy town behavior and if he ever found out he’d most likely get a TRO. So please stop.
Respect his need for space and do not pester him, beg or cry at his feet or whatever other things you have up your sleeve as this child-like behavior will push him even further away. Staying away is the right thing to do and allows your relationship to stand on its own two feet.
i) Avoid his social circles
Avoiding him also includes avoiding the same social circles he runs in. That means, do not talk to his friends on purpose and definitely avoid family members if you knew them.
For couples that had been together for a while, this may be a little harder to actualize because of the division of ‘assets’ namely the grocery store you both used or the coffee shop that gets your order just right, down to the division of friends (family doesn’t count).
ii) Give him a chance to miss you
By the definition of human nature, he cannot miss you if you are constantly there all the freaking time after the breakup so putting a little distance between the two of you will give him the chance miss you. You were after all in a relationship and he’ll be having flashes of the good times you spent together.
By giving him space he’s asked for, you’re giving him the chance to compare the relationship to what he’s not getting and his mind will do the rest of the work for you and eventually he will feel the need to earn you back.
iii) Handle it with class
Sometimes a breakup can be as nasty and bloody as a divorce and these ‘assets’ are the kids that both parties lay claim to. For this reason, you both need to man up or woman up a little bit and decide what you’re willing to give up for the other and what you’re going to get joint custody of.
We are going to play a little mind game here, after all, this entire ploy is a mind game, and make sure that he retains access to some of the places you both frequented together as this will activate his ‘good’ memories and it will help him remember how much he loved you in the first place. So if he says that he wants the same coffee he’s been getting, then just agree with a sad face because you both loved the coffee there but you like the peace more.
This will show him that you are indeed taking the breakup serious and even though your heart is bleeding you are woman enough to take in stride and hold your head high in the turbulent waters that you’ve been thrown in. He will respect you a whole lot more if you handle yourself with decorum and he will think about your breakup more than he cares to admit. And that’s just the first step.
2. Don’t talk to him
You have the first step down, you’ve left him alone and are dealing with the breakup on your terms either by the help of some good friends or however else you deal with stressful situations such as this. It’s okay, we don’t judge here.
The next thing you need to do is don’t under any circumstances initiate communication.
We understand your need to want to talk things out, and in an ideal situation that’s usually the way to go but this is a less than ideal situation and insisting on talking to him will do more damage than good for you in the long run.
Realize that he ended the relationship and for him, that means that you aren’t talking to him anymore if you insist on talking you just might make him move to another universe altogether. Not good.
If he drops you a text once in a while, keep it casual and don’t lead him in any particular direction no matter how tempting it is.
3. Make it look like you have let him go
Show them that you are moving on with your life. Here, social media will be your best friend. Move on with your life in the best way possible. Get that edgy haircut you’ve been talking off or change your wardrobe. Make new friends and go out, take spontaneous trips and smile and laugh a lot. And while you’re doing all these things, take great photos and post them on social media.
As much as you want to stalk him, seeing you moving on with your life in such a positive way will make him have a stalking thing of his own. He’ll go through your social media just so he can get his ‘fix’ of you and he might even start commenting under a few pics here and there.
Dealing with a breakup: @young_help.ig/ Instagram
And then the jealousy that you’re experiencing all these new things without him and possibly with a ‘new catch’ will drive him crazy enough to want to meet and talk and who knows perhaps all these little things you’ve been doing will pay off and you can reap the results of your extremely hard word of patience and resilience.
A breakup doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship and if you play your cards right, it won’t be. Employing a contrarian approach, meaning do the opposite of what you feel will get him back because I promise you, acting like a baby, stalker/crazy person will not get him back. In fact, it will push him so far away you’ll wonder if you imagined your entire relationship in the first place.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé