The Definition Of Healthy Intimate Relationships
Intimacy, a bond, and a connection that travels beyond the physical and spiritual realms. Physical intimacy alone is called FWB (friends with benefits). Spiritual intimacy alone is called BFFs. Creative intimacy alone is called the best colleague ever. Only when you find all aspects of intimacy in one person, then can you call the person you love.
A healthy intimate relationship is like lasagne, in the common term. It’s got layers. A one-layer lasagne is not a lasagne, it’s just…pasta. So it is an intimate relationship. Having trouble to have intimacy in one aspect often reflects the problem in another. Everything falls into places when peace is found in various aspects combined.
The Types Of Intimate Relationships
First off, we have physical intimacy. The frontier to all desires in love, the raw sexual desire to have the other person’s body, purely for their attractiveness. Physical intimacy is temporary, you won’t stay attracted to someone physically if you don’t try to keep it that way.
On a higher mental level, we have the emotional and spiritual intimacies that deal with our inner needs. Our emotional intimacy lets us express ourselves true thoughts care-free as we know we’re loved and cherished, while the spiritual intimacy lets us rest assure we share the same fundamental values that hold us together.
For personal growth and development, we have the intellectual and creative intimacies. Intellectual intimacy guides us to an easier path down the road, finding more effective solutions to problems as we’re compatible learning buddies. Creative intimacy takes us to the pool of infinity wonders and ideas where we blossom together and light up new ideas as we bring out the best in each other’s brain.
Characteristics And Traits Of An Intimate Relationship
1. You get jealous but you trust each other
Getting jealous and getting suspicious of your partner are two opposite things. It’s okay to be jealous when your partner wants to stay over at a colleague’s place for the night to finish work. You get jealous because it’s inappropriate for a partner to stay over at another girl’s place all night when he has a girlfriend, not because you think he is going to bang her. You dislike the idea of him staying over, yet it has nothing to do with any misplaced suspicions.
Jealousy, to a good extent, is a sign of a healthy intimate relationship because you care about the other person and make the effort to lay out ground rules to make things clear. Suspicion, however, is a sign of mistrust and that is not healthy.
2. When one aspect of intimacy is missing, you try to compensate it with another
When your partner is feeling blue and doesn’t feel like talking, the level of emotional intimacy drops. Don’t sit this one out, keep it going by compensating this with more physical intimacy such as hugging and cuddling. You can’t have physical and emotional intimacy 50-50 of the time. Sometimes it’s 30-70, sometimes it’s 80-20. Learn to adapt and adjust so your overall intimacy level doesn’t drop.
3. You continue to inspire each other
A healthy intimate relationship takes you further down the road. You feel fresh and new and always have a bucket of notions to put forward. Being intellectually stimulated is proof of a healthy relationship. You tend to have more time to brainstorm new ideas when you aren’t busy fixing and worrying about your own relationship.
4. You work on to keep the temporary attraction going
Physical attraction is only temporary, sad but true. As mentioned before, physical intimacy is also part of the puzzle to complete the healthy relationship circle. Give your best to stay sharp, be as attractive as you want the world to see you when he first laid eyes on you.
Staying hot for your partner doesn’t equate to flaunting your external values, but rather, why should you stop trying to impress yourself and others by trying to look good after getting into a relationship? Why should a relationship take your attractiveness away? That’s the real question to think about.
5. You know when to make compromises
There are times you know you just need to shut up and there’re times you need to stand your ground. Your partner holds a strong view of living in the surburb whereas you don’t care too much. Make that compromise for him as long as your city dream isn’t something that floods your dream every night.
Couples need to stand their ground when defending things they don’t want to live with, but should also learn to make compromises and ask yourself, do you value this issue as much as your partner does? If you both value this the same, do you value him more in order to make this compromise or not?
6. You know to steer away from all the lures
There’re 7 billion people on this planet. It’s very true that you might meet someone just as, if not more, compatible with you as your partner. The key is to learn to steer away from temptations and not let it sink to this.
Love doesn’t skyrocket from one aspect of intimacy. You see someone and you find that person attractive doesn’t mean you immediately want to spend the rest of your life together. Things accumulate and escalate. Your brain will tell you when something bad might happen so you would know when to stop. People in a healthy relationship know when to stop things from escalating to the point of no return.
7. You care about each other’s well-being in all aspects
Taking care of each other’s needs and wants nourishes intimacy. Keep the mind stimulated and the heart beating fast. A truly healthy relationship is all-rounded, not one side less.
8. You encourage your partner to share a certain level of intimacy with others
Some intimacies are meant to be shared, such as emotional, creative and intellectual ones. Encourage your partner to share views with the like-minded fellas. Sharing the same intimacy with others improve your intimacy by bringing it up to the next level as you learn to improve yours with others.
Avoidant Personality Disorder And Intimate Relationships
People suffering from avoidant personality disorder are often socially-isolated and have low self-esteem, an obstacle to securing an intimate relationship. They struggle to hang on to any intimacies, blocking mutual development of the bond.
In most cases, seeking professional help with a therapist helps a great deal. Personal effort and those nearby also serve a huge role. Being willing to accept and be patient that this could take a while, and letting yourself to open up, knowing the reciprocated love might come a bit late shoots tremendous effect.
An avoidant personality disorder is an obstacle, not a venom. It doesn’t pull you back from receiving or giving love. It poses challenges that you need to get through. When you eventually do, you will see you know how to appreciate and love more than those never understood how difficult it is to get love. That’s how you make your love lasts, by knowing how difficult it is to come by in the first place. Don’t let this be an excuse to back down or to give up. Strive harder until you make it.
Books On Intimate Relationships
1. Intimate Relationships
Let’s dive into the theories of love. The book discusses various theories of love, from the beginning of civilization to modern times. Have the theories of love changed, or evolved, for better or for worse? Authors share their exclusive views on these theories. Love theories are based on observations in our society, that’s why they are often the basis for them and they hold in the real world.
2. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Crowned as the best book for couple therapy with the highest success rate, this book is a gem and a must-have in every household. Sometimes we forget how to love and be compassionate in the heat of the moment. We don’t do things rationally at all times because we are humans and have emotions. Don’t forget to take out a book and read to calm your mind before doing something you know you will 100% regret.
3. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
As the author says, falling in love is easy, staying in love is the challenge. Falling in love takes one second, staying in love takes forever. There’re many levels to an intimate relationship that all aspects of personal needs are considered and discussed. It delves into a deeper and more meaningful perspective of your relationship, macroscopic your relationship inside and out, before zooming out to look at things from a broader point of view. Your savior to love with a 360-degree of intimacy.
Intimacy encloses more levels than one would assume. Don’t look down on the power of any side. One missing level of intimacy could lead to the downfall of the whole relationship. With our comprehensive guide to securing an intimate relationship, surely you’re less troubled by now! Follow these tips through and make your love lasts!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé