How to Avoid and How to Handle Relationship Arguments
Squabbling is a part of every relationship, from the most random to the essential things, arguments are part of the relationship package. It all boils down to how often you and your partner argue and how you react to disagreement and conflict. Constant arguments and poor management of random outbursts will affect your romance in so many ways; that’s why it’s essential to be able to navigate them properly.
When it comes to knowing how to handle and avoid relationship arguments, having the right attitude is everything, it will determine if your love story goes the distance or not. Check out several healthy ways in which you can handle and avoid relationship arguments.
Usually, when you argue, you are both focused on talking; everyone wants to talk more, yell louder, or have the last word. Both partners speak at the same time over each other, but no one listens. To avoid long and frustrating arguments with your partner, listen, and pay attention to what they’re saying. Take the time to reflect on what they said and let them know their perspective and consider their feelings. This will shift your partner’s stance from a position of defense to a place where they’re open to listening to your views too.
2. Say, Sorry
As we were taught back in kindergarten, sorry is a magic word that goes a long way. A genuine apology seems to have the superpower of calming down most situations. When you do something that hurts your partner, take ownership and responsibility for your actions, and apologize to your partner. The best approach is to be genuine, sincere, and reassure them that it won’t happen again. This will stop lots of arguments with your significant other on their tracks.
3. Set Ground Rules For Arguments.
When a person feels hurt, they say things they later wish they could take back. You resort to low blows and make things even worse. The best way around this is to set boundaries and ground rules you and your partner have to live by when you argue. This will help you not get carried away by your emotions and say or do things you’ll regret later.
4. Don’t Raise Your Voice.
Lowering your voice will resolve many arguments between you and your significant other; communication is never possible when you’re yelling. So, make it a habit to express your feelings in a calm and low voice if you want to be heard. Whatever differences you have with your partner could be discussed amicably. When trying to resolve a conflict, you could do so over dinner in a restaurant or any other public place that stops you from yelling. You’ll be amazed at how this trick works.
5. Pick Your Battles
Not every fight is worth the trouble unless your name is Petty Betty; there are things you have to let slide. Your partner will often get on your nerves, but you have to learn to ignore some things. If it’s not a big deal, then don’t sweat it, focus on issues that matter, and watch your arguments with Bae reduce by half. Make a conscious effort to stick to what is worth fighting for, not the small and silly ideas.
6. Don’t Stockpile.
Stockpiling and bringing up issues from the past is the easiest way to prolong an argument, don’t dwell on past mistakes or pile them up; this could lead to resentment and bitterness. Deal with the issue at hand as soon as you can to avoid constant arguments. Stockpiling issues until they become unbearable will only lead to many outbursts that would be messy.
7. Know What Ticks You Off
Like it or not, your partner will push your buttons at some point in your relationship. They’ll do things that will drive you crazy and make you lash out instantaneously. But you have to learn to control your response, hold back and don’t react immediately, let the urge pass, then you can respond calmly or not at all. It’s up to you to decide on a coping mechanism; you could count from 1-10, take deep breaths, or bite your tongue. It doesn’t matter as long as you stop yourself from lashing out. This will not only minimize arguments, but it will also prevent a lot of them.
8. Learn How To Cool Down
When a discussion starts getting out of hand or on the slippery ground, get a grip on your emotions. You could take a time out and continue the conversation later, or one partner can go for a walk before things heat up. When you and Bae can’t agree on something, suggest that you sleep over it and revisit it the next morning. Couples should be able to acknowledge and respect each other’s emotions without being ruled by it. In other words, if your partner is yelling, it doesn’t mean you, too, should shout. Instead, take a step back and let things die down before you try to make your point.
9. Don’t Blame
It’s effortless to allocate blame when you feel wronged and hurt, but this is never a good idea when you’re trying to avoid an argument. Instead, abstain from using phrases like” You should have…, You always…, You never… etc. They’ll only make things worse; pointing fingers will aggravate things as your partner will feel judged, accused, and violated. Say how you feel instead of what they did or didn’t do. For example,” I was so worried when you didn’t call to say you’ll be late.”
10. Don’t Threaten Your Relationship.
Using your relationship as leverage to get what you want from your partner is always toxic. Emotionally blackmailing your partner puts them in a constant defensive mood, and this is the last thing you need if you want to avoid arguments. Threatening to leave or break up puts both of you on edge and makes both of you depressed. A heavily charged atmosphere only leads to more fights. So, cut your partner some slack, don’t use your relationship as a bargaining chip.
Why Are We Constantly Arguing?
It’s OKAY to disagree and argue with your partner now and then as long as you don’t make it a habit. When it becomes constant, you have a problem, and it should be addressed before it gets out of hand. It’s first of all essential to know why this is happening; check out the following reasons if they apply to you:
1. Trying To Avoid Your Anger
Anger is a normal emotion like love, sadness, happiness, and excitement. It has to be expressed, burying anger within sooner or later leads to a massive explosion. When you suppress your feelings, they add up, and this leads to resentment, which is manifested through constant irritation over every little thing. For a healthy relationship, anger is managed, not avoided.
2. Bringing Up The Past
What’s more annoying than a partner who always dredges up the past? Nothing, I bet! Bringing up all the mistakes your partner made in the past is one of the main reasons couples always argue. Focus is shifted from the issue at hand onto something else that isn’t even still relevant. This tells your partner that you are keeping scores and bearing a grudge, leading them to do the same.
3. Taking Each Other For Granted
When a couple has been together for a long time, they start taking each other for granted. You no longer express gratitude or appreciation for the things your partner does, which leaves your partner feeling unappreciated. Your partner doesn’t feel valued, so they pick fights over small issues. Try to compliment your partner, be his/her number one fan in whatever they’re doing, thank them for cooking dinner, changing your tire, going with you to the doctor, etc. We all retaliate when we feel undervalued.
4. Failure To Acknowledge Each Other’s Feelings
Not acknowledging and taking into consideration your partner’s feelings and views put them on the defensive. You may disagree on somethings, but listen to their perspective and bring it into account. As the saying goes,” agree to disagree,” being dismissive of your partner’s views and emotions are the fastest route to constant arguments.
5. You Forget You’re A-Team
During a disagreement, we usually want to prove we’re right and the other person is wrong. We’re so focused on winning that we forget we are a team; couples forget that they have to go back to being together regardless of the argument’s outcome at the end of the day. They want instant satisfaction at the expense of the future of their relationship. Keeping in mind your couple’s values will stop you from saying things you’ll regret and causing lasting damage.
Is Arguing in a Relationship Healthy?
Disagreement is often seen negatively; people think when you argue your relationship is on the rocks or conflict is a threat to your romance, that’s not necessarily true. Claiming is sometimes useful for your relationship; it helps it grow and evolve. Experts say a little conflict with your significant other is healthy, and like it or not, you and your partner are bound to disagree from time to time. The good news is, conflict reveals a lot about your partner and helps you know yourself better. Here are some of the reasons why arguing is beneficial to your relationship.
– Arguing allows you to communicate your needs to your partner, air your frustrations, and say things you might not have stated otherwise.
– Arguments prevent resentment from building up in your relationship; it’s therapeutic as it allows you to say what’s on your mind.
– Disagreements can help you see things from your partner’s perspective; you become flexible enough to acknowledge your partner’s point of view.
– Arguing reveals your partner’s true motives, sometimes you can’t tell why your significant other is acting the way they do, but a good old fight will show the reason he/she is angry or what the argument is truly about.
– You learn restraint and self-control; in the heart of an idea, you are usually tempted to say hurtful things, but when you realize the damage that can be done, you eventually refrain from getting to the point of no return.
Quotes about relationship arguments
1. “Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.”
– Andrea Wachter, marriage counselor
Simply put, this means you should express how you feel in the most excellent way possible without hurting the other person’s feelings. Wise words! If only we could all live by them.
2. “Silence is never more golden than when a quarrel is brewing.” – Clifford Adams
Well, what else can we say? Other than an argument is one of those situations where silence is golden.
3. “Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.” ― Oscar Wilde
During an argument, you get carried away in the heat of the moment and say things you don’t mean, but you can’t take them back. The damage has already been done. So better avoid them altogether.
4. Let’s not forget it’s you and me vs. The problem… Not you vs. Me. – Steve Maraboli
It sounds like the lyrics of an 80’s band, but no words were ever more real. If you keep this in mind, your arguments with Bae will never get out of control.
5. “Let the angry word be answered only with a kiss.” —Thomas Hill
Are you searching for world peace? This is the answer! A kiss at the right moment has been known to shut us up in more ways than you can imagine.
You could be one of those couples who argue non-stop or the ones who avoid confronting each other at all costs. It doesn’t matter. Just remember that relationship arguments are not the final nail in the coffin of your relationship. On the contrary, if well handled, they could be the lifeline you need to preserve your romance and grow closer to each other as a couple. As you can see, there are many benefits to arguing, as long as you and your partner do so lovingly and constructively. After all, you’re both on the same team, and at the end of the day, you’ll go and grab dinner together and sleep in the same bed.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are.