Not All Sex Experience Is From A Romance Book
Growing up you see sexy and romantic sex escapades and scenes in movies and in novels and end up thinking that’s how sex is. But when you start getting down and dirty you soon realize things do not always go to plan. Sex is first and foremost a vulnerable moment for every couple, when you throw in little accidents and embarrassing moments into the mix the outcome is bound to be hilarious.Especially when the passion and sexual tension are at their peak.
We have all experienced something embarrassing at some point in our lives, but when it happens in the bedroom it’s on a whole new level of blush-inducing. We have searched the internet and compiled some of the most hilarious and gut-wrenching embarrassing ‘’sexcapades’’ couples confess to on platforms such as Quora, Wattpad, and on podcasts
10 Hilarious Sex Stories Collated
One thing is certain, these stories will have you cracking up every single minute, they’re shameless, ridiculous, daring, hilarious and true. They’ll remind you that whatever flops you may have experienced with your significant other during sex, you’re not alone. Others have had it worse and still find the humor in it, so you can thank us later:
1. A Volcano of Semen
So, my wife and I work opposite shifts and hardly saw each other for a while. I had managed to ‘’hold out’’ and not jerk off for close to 2 weeks. We both managed to be at home at the same time for once and were furiously going at it, her on top. We were on top of the bed our bedroom door was closed. We hear the front door open and her sister called out that she was there. My wife did not stop and kept going. Sister opened our bedroom door and my wife rolled off me just as I came.
I came a LOT. With great fury. Probably an all-time distance record. Hands-Free. With her sister staring in disbelief as a volcano of semen spurted from my penis. She was too shocked to shut the door. We all just started laughing.
— by Anonymous
2. The Height of Sexual Embarrassment
I was young and at a girlfriends house. There used to be a magazine for teenage girls in the UK called More! That always featured a “Position of the month”. The month in question’s position was Reverse cowgirl and my girlfriend at the time and I decided to give it a go.
From what I remember it all went well and we finished without a hitch. She was just dismounting when it went wrong. Her bedroom door swung open and in walked her mum. I remember making eye contact with her mother through the triangle made by my pelvis and the girl’s thighs!! The look of shock on her face was unbelievable and probably mirrored my own. My girlfriend screamed for her to get out which she hastily did before calling through the closed door in a very angry tone “Why isn’t he even wearing a condom” Mortified.
— by Dave Jones
3. The Sex Triangle
Back in the ’70s, I was working on a film that was being shot in a brownstone in NYC. While waiting out the long-time between setups, I was summoned to a bedroom on the fifth floor. When I got there, a beautiful female production assistant and the sound man were lying naked on the bed. The situation was this: I lusted after the PA, she lusted after the sound man and, unfortunately for her, he was gay and lusted after me. At the time in New York, there was nothing hipper than bisexuality and, being boringly straight, I saw this as my golden opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. I would get to have sex with the girl and be able to claim a homosexual experience. What could possibly go wrong? Everything. Each of us was trying clumsily to have sex with someone that was only interested in someone else. And an assistant director came barging in to ask questions about the camera setup. It was so comically awkward that we just gave up, laughed our asses off, and jumped in the shower together.
— by Denis R
4. Sexy Pun
“My wife was trying to perform oral sex from my right side rather than on my left, as she normally would. After about 30 seconds of uncomfortable shifting, she asked to move to the other side. I immediately asked her, “You aren’t ambi-dick-serious?” She snorted and before long we were both crying from laughing so hard.”
5. ‘‘Blood orgy’’
I was having normal regular sex with my girlfriend at the time. Though I suppose she wasn’t exactly wet, neither was I. So we were going at it and all of a sudden I feel a kind of pinch. I thought that was weird. Then liquid, so I asked her, do you feel something odd? She thought I came. I hadn’t yet, so far it had been really uncomfortable. So I pull out. All of a sudden blood is squirting from just under my penis, all over her vag, stomach, bed, etc.
I jump up and the blood goes on her floor, chair, myself. I freak the fuck out half yelling ‘’ WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?’’ She freaks out, eyes wide in shock. I run to the bathroom and just stand in the bath clutching tissues to my penis waiting for the blood to stop. Eventually, I get flaccid and the blood flow stops. We immediately google what the shit was going on. I’m clutching my dick through my shorts the entire time as we look for an answer to how this spontaneous satanic blood orgy started and if anyone has had the same.
Turns out you can tear the webbing under your penis, the ‘frenulum’ I believe. Who knew. I couldn’t have sex for 2 weeks and then the next month after I was too paranoid to do much anyway. Hilarious to look back on though.
— by skelly
6. The Squeeze
“I have the tendency to squeeze my pelvic muscles (really hard) during sex and the guys really [like] that. I must’ve squeezed way too hard because the condom stuck to me as he was thrusting in and out. After we were done, he pulled out, and there was no condom on his dick…
“We freaked out for a sec, and I was like, ‘Are you SURE you put one on?!?!’ and then I realized (lol) and dug my fingers in…really deep too…and pulled it out.”
— by Y_x_n
7. Screamer Girl
“I was dating this girl in my early 20s. We went to her house, one thing lead to another, and we began to have our first sexy times together. It was a hot summer day in a shitty apartment with no AC. All the doors and windows were open. We were going at it, and that’s when I (quite happily) found out she is a screamer. It was intense and passionate; we lost ourselves in each other… About halfway through, a neighbor suddenly shouted out, ‘Get enough for me too girl!'”We erupted into laughter for a long time. It still makes me giggle.”— Miral
8. Hair day
“Had my hair tied in a bun, with a hairband with fake hair on it wrapped around to make my hair seem longer. Like this, so it looks like a messy bun.
“The guy I was with thought it would be a good idea to grab my hair whilst we were doing it and got a bit of a shock when it just fell off in his hand. When I say ‘bit of a shock’ I mean he yelled ‘Arghhhh, what the hell?!’ and threw it across the room whilst I almost died with laughter.”
It was early morning and I was in bed with my boyfriend. I got woken up by his movement, which turned out to be him jacking off. I told him I was right here and I’d be happy to help but he was so into it on his own. I got a bit upset about my rejection as I was half asleep, so tears were shed. Turns out he was completely asleep at the time, hence his lack of response. My boyfriend sleep-wanks.”
— user BadassMuffins
10. Counter sex
“Sex in the shower is always fun, sex out of the shower and on the counter is even more fun…that is until you fall into the sink (which is small, to begin with) and your ass gets stuck in the sink.”
— user nightbird1
These are the moments that make life worth living, when you experience something like this you’ll remember it for the rest of your life, if you and your partner in crime are still together or end up getting married it’s even better. It may not be an appropriate story to share with your kids but it often becomes a side joke between you and your significant other. What do you think of these stories? Can you top them?
What’s the funniest thing that happened to you during sex?
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé