Since breakups can be a whirlwind of confusion, betrayal, and heightened emotions of all kinds, figuring out how to proceed afterward can be just as tied up with angst.
For the first week, you don’t even recognize the person you are. When you share your life with someone, some of your identity becomes intertwined with them. When they are gone, your whole reality shifts.
What can make that process even harder is when your ex decides to muddy the waters by showing signs he wants you back. You’re left to wonder if he’s just going through the same turmoil of the breakup you are, or if his actions are legitimate.
How do you know when, or if, you should act on some of these potential “signs?” Are they even real signs? Here are 6 telltale signs he/she is pretending to be over you:
1. They try to make you jealous
This applies often if you must see them quite a bit such as in situations where you work with them, own a home together, have children together or run a business with them. In that situation, the rules of no contact are somewhat different.
Maybe they flirt with someone in public. You might notice that they cut their eyes at you to see if you are watching them with someone else or post pictures of them on a date with someone else
There’s all kinds of ways your ex could try to make you feel jealous, but the key is that they want you to worry that they are involved with someone else.
2. Your ex tries to convince you that they are doing great
Your ex wants you to think that things are going so well in their life and that they are so happy – without you of course. They tell other people who know you so that hopefully the message will get to you.
The goal is to cause the perception that your ex is happy with the breakup. And often, over-the-top happy as though they are trying too hard to convince people, especially you.
3. They ask how you are doing, but don’t mention how they are doing
That doesn’t mean that if you ask them that they won’t tell you. They might even pretend that they are doing well.
The underlying sign is that their curiosity is in how you are doing. This is most likely to see if they are losing you and to see if you are still wanting them back. They are looking for signs and clues that you still find them irresistible.
4. Your ex posts memes/graphics about happiness
You know, those peppy and sometimes cheesy memes about joy, who they can “really,” trust, what they’ve learned, and that they have arrived to this area of happiness and contentment.
The idea is that your ex has reached a new level of enlightenment without you. At least, that’s what they want you to think! They do this, often, because they want a reaction out of you.
5. Your ex hasn’t gotten their stuff
This is especially true in the case of it being significant things that have monetary or sentimental value. For example, if your ex left socks, that’s not a big deal.
But if your ex left nice clothing, an instrument, electronics, a collection, a pet, jewelry, golf clubs, or anything that you know means something to them, that could be a sign that your ex is pretending to be over you.
It could mean that your ex is using this as an excuse to reach out or come see you.
6. If they remove all the photos of the two of you on social media
Though such an action might take your breath away because it seems like such a bad sign, it is actually usually a good one.
The reason it’s a good sign is because your ex is pretending to be over you. In other words, your ex tried to erase you from his/her history, but couldn’t.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé