I thought of writing about this after having a very mind-boggling conversation with a very close friend of mine. As you all know, I’m not one for having one relationship after the other. I’m 26 years old, and I’ve been in four relationships in total (all very serious and mature). But this friend of mine is just something else.
He’s notorious for dating one girl after the other, “flings” is the word I’m looking for. So I finally sat down with him and asked him about it, about how he manages to find happiness out of these flings because I don’t see a point to them, something so temporary and shallow can’t bring joy to anyone’s life. The conversation went from very casual to very heated, very quickly.
After a good two hours of disagreeing and face-palming myself, I concluded that some people don’t want to be in serious relationships. The girls he has been with are the same as him, they don’t want anything serious either, they wish to short-lived flings, there’s no guilt or pain involved whatsoever, and that’s what baffles me the most.
After a thorough analysis of what goes on in the minds of people who do this, I’ve made a list of things that happen when people get into a relationship with someone with no worries of the future. This may sound a bit harsh to some of you, so read it with an open mind.
You’re not scared of breaking up with them
When I’m in a relationship with someone, the thing that scares me the most is the thought of disconnecting from them, the notion that maybe one day we may have to part ways (for one reason or the other), and then I start thinking of the trauma and pain that comes with it, but it’s an entirely different scenario when it comes to flings and non-serious relationships. When you’re in a fling with someone, you don’t care about breaking up with them.
This is because there isn’t any real emotional connection between two people when they’re non-serious about each other and are just “having fun.” There is no deep emotional attachment; there are no romantic memories to be made; there’s literally nothing to miss when the person is gone because it was all very shallow, to begin with. So the thought of breaking up with that person doesn’t matter to you because the person doesn’t matter to you either.
You very quickly make up excuses
When you’re in a non-serious relationship with someone, they’re never your top priority; you have other more essential things to do and more talented people to spend time with. So it’s straightforward for you to cancel on them and tell them some lame excuse as to why you can’t meet, and they won’t get upset about it either because they’d do the same to you in a heartbeat.
When you’re genuinely in love with someone, you try your best to spend as much time with them as possible; you cherish every passing moment with them because you LOVE being around them and you can’t get enough of their presence. The case is the exact opposite in non-serious relationships. Sad. Well, not a lot of people.
You flirt with anyone, anytime
When you’re in a non-serious relationship with someone, you aren’t exclusive with them. As I said before, it’s called a “fling” because you’re just having fun with each other with no plans of having a future together, so you aren’t bound to that person whether emotionally or physically. You will check out every other cute guy or hot girl you see, and you will also find yourself being more flirtatious around people because you don’t have any responsibilities with the person you’re with.
In all of my past relationships, I did not flirt with anyone else, because I was exclusive with the person I was with. The mere thought of doing it used to make me feel disgusted with myself, so I never did it. But it’s much more open and shallow when it comes to non-serious relationships.
You don’t care about meeting any expectations
We all have our expectations when we’re in a relationship with someone, we have our demands and requirements, and we take them very seriously. Expectations are taken very seriously in every real connection, as long as they are realistic expectations, we all have them.
This isn’t the case in non-serious relationships, because there is an absence of that emotional bond that makes a relationship real and pure. When you don’t care about the other person that much, you don’t have that many expectations from them. It says it in the name – “non-serious.”
You quickly get bored with them
When you’re in a relationship where the emotional bond is absent, you can very quickly get bored with the person. For example, I talk to my girlfriend for hours without even the slightest hint of boredom, because I have actual feelings for her which make me pay attention to what she’s saying.
We sometimes forget where we started and how long it took us to talk about something because we are that lost in each other’s eyes during our conversations. Such is not the case in non-serious relationships because you don’t care about what the other person has to say, you’re just there for the heck of it.
You dive deeper into a darker form of yourself
This is going to be the scariest part of the article because this is where I stopped talking to my friend about this topic. When you’re in too many “no serious” relationships, you slowly become someone who can’t have a serious relationship with anyone even if you tried your best to. Because you’ve been so accustomed to being this way that you don’t know any other way to be with someone.
When real life happens, a lot of real-life problems come with them, and you’re just not used to the severe side of things because everything came so simple and easy for you. This is the most significant blow of being in too many flings in your life, you lose the ability to fall in love or be happy in an actual relationship with someone, and that’s the saddest and scariest part of it all!
Talk to me
Have you been to a fling in your life? Or do you know someone who’s been in flings? Let me know in the comments below and share your experiences with me. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé