Breakups are unfortunate, may it be a mutual decision or one-sided. Parting with someone you had planned your future with, someone you are used to having by your side all the time. Suddenly, you feel there is huge vacuum in your heart, life, daily routine and special occasions. It hurts because you tried so hard but you couldn’t take it anymore or maybe your partner just didn’t feel like they could get enough out of you to keep them happy or maybe it’s both. In any of these three, it still hurts like hell and to ease that pain, to soothe that part of your memories, you end up taking them back!
It’s something we all have done or at least have thought of doing. В I’ll be honest, I did take my Ex back even though I had been through a bad rollercoaster ride in my two years long relationship. In fact, I often feel ashamed in saying this but I actually took her back twice.В So, the lessons that anyone learned once I was unlucky enough to learn twice.
But now that I have, there is no way I can or will go back!В And here is why:
1. What You Consider May Not Always Be Excellent For You
I know, I always thought I knew what was best for me as well but that’s not always the case. Sometimes, it’s just better to let go and see what life has in store for you. I staunchly believe that whenever you feel you missed an opportunity or someone amazing, know that it’s just a way of life trying to make space for something better.
This doesn’t mean that you stop trying to make your relationship work every time you fight. Try hard, fight hard but if you can clearly see it not working out, do not give yourself and your partner the gift of prolonged misery. It’s better to accept the reality.
2. Both Should Compromise Equally
If there is one hard way I learned all these lessons, it was the way I compromised. In love, you need to compromise and you should, there is nothing wrong with that. Building a relation requires effort and often sacrifices, that’s how you truly know that your partner is more essential to you, so much so that you would choose their happiness over your own. But when does it all get a little too much?В When it’s only one of you constantly compromising. Efforts in a relationship need to be from both the sides or else one will always feel rewarded and the other will continue to feel dissatisfied.
3. At Times You Need To See Things From Other’s Perspectives
When we are in a relationship that will eventually end, others see it happening even before we can imagine it happening. If you hear too many friends and family telling you the same thing about the relationship or your partner, don’t just disregard it as soon as you hear it because not everyone can be wrong about one thing. Listening to them will either help you fix something that might cause your relation to break or help you realise the reality before it breaks you!
4. If They Love You, It Will Display And You’ll Know
You cannot exactly define which actions can tell you exactly how much your partner loves you. What maybe tell signs for you could mean nothing to another person, so know your tell signs when they happen. В Maybe it’s the way they plan things involving you or how they act when you are around or simply how they behave with you. Concentrate on the tell signs of your relationship only. No one can be a better judge of this than you!
5. Go Ahead Only If You Can Hold The Past In The Past
There are three kinds of people;В The ones that keep connecting everything to their past, the ones who live in the present and don’t remind themselves of the past nor do they ponder over their future, then there is the third kind that keeps on thinking of the future. If you are the first kind, taking back your Ex could be the worst thing that you can do to yourself and your partner.For you, forgetting and letting go of what has effected you in the past is the hardest thing and that’s why even if you take your Ex back every fight will act as a reminder of all the crappy things you and your partner have gone through. So, unless you can keep your past detached from your partner do not make yourself go through the same turmoil again.
6. Doubts Will Always Linger On
When you give yourself and your partner a second or a third chance, you often find yourself standing against your own thinking. Anyone who has given themselves a second chance are fighting with constant insecurity, consciously or subconsciously. For a relationship that can break once, can break again. Unless you know you are strong enough to fight this off, do not let yourself in into this dark insecure area of your mind.
7. Eventually, It’s All About Trust
Ultimately, it comes down to the amount of trust you have in each other. At times, many couples break up but when they try and give each other another chance, they become unbreakable with the kind of understanding and trust they build between each other. For me, it was the other way around. I trusted twice and thought I could do it again. Thought that maybe, just maybe she has changed but I just couldn’t bring myself to trust her anymore. My trust had been bruised too many times that I giving her a third chance was nothing but me in denial, trying to hold on to something that only existed in my memories. If you can’t trust someone, you can’t be with them all your life.
Go with your gut, evaluate and make yourself understand the reality. If it is worth a shot, do it! But if it is not, be brave and know it’s time to let go.
Talk to me
How was your experience after you took your ex back? Was it good or bad? Did you two end up being stronger than ever or did you two hate each other more than you ever did before? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé