When you are in a relationship, all you can think of is giving all that you have to your partner. Giving them anything and everything that could possibly make them happy. In this normal and initial process of letting yourself go in a relationship, many of us, including me, forget to strike a balance. We forget to set limits, limits that protect us from bending so much that we end up hurting ourselves. Hence, we keep on letting ourselves go in order to make that one special person happy and satisfied with us. Till we realise all of this, it is impossible for us to rise, also, it is then impossible for our partners to understand that we have done too much and can’t do anymore.
Such relationships often break but with such relationships, the break up might not hurt as much as the after thought for people like us. Where people cry over memories of the good times they had with their exes, we cry over the regrets of letting them treat us the way they have. We cry over our lost identities and our bruised souls. Nothing can ever compare to the pain of letting someone you love treat you like you would never treat them.
Here are all those things I regretted when I let my ex treat me bad and here is what I learned from those regrets:
1. The Compromises
Immediately after you break up, in fact even sometime before the breakup, when you can see where the relationship is heading, you stop compromising and start regretting all the compromises you have made as of yet.
You regret because you slowly realise that it’s been only you or mostly you who has been letting go of themselves bit by bit to make this relationship work. I felt the same way and I realized how essential it is for two people to strike a balance in their compromises, not just how they distribute their household chores or finances. It is equally essential for them to share the burden of compromise.
2. The Efforts You Made
The little things you kept on doing, pushing harder every time to see your partner smile. Every time their happiness required more effort and you kept on putting more and more in till it became the only efforts being made in the relationship. Soon, you were the only one expected to make efforts whenever they were required.
Being taken for granted to do something is the most unappreciated feeling in the world and if you are out of this kind of a relationship, well, good for you! There couldn’t have been a decision wiser than this.В It is essential that both the partners appreciate what their partner does for them. Appreciation is the most effective and assuring way of telling your partner how much you value them.
3. The Respect You Lose
This is the worst among all the five things. It’s like a little voice in your head that keeps on reminding you how badly you have let yourself be treated. How you have disrespected your own self. Soon, you don’t even feel like it is your ex’s fault anymore. All you can think of is how you made them treat you. If you are thinking this way, STOP!
And breathe for a second.В You did not do anything you should be ashamed of. You just loved a little too hard and a little too much, it is their loss that they couldn’t appreciate or handle this kind of relentless and devoted love. Trust me, one day, there will be someone who will see the way you love and will not let you give yourself away. That’s the day you will be at peace with yourself. I did and so will you.
4. The Confidence That You Will Be All Correct On Your Own
Your life has become so much about your ex that it is hard for you to even walk out the house on your own. You are more of your ex than you are of your own and that takes a toll on your confidence. You feel like you have lost your true identity so much so that even when asked what’s your favourite place to hang out, all you can utter are the names of your ex’s preferable places. It is human nature that we don’t realise the gradual changes that come in us day by day but when we look back we see such a drastic change in ourselves. This is exactly what happens in relationships like these, it changes you so much that you begin to wonder if you can actually survive on your own or not at all.В Well, you can!
You were fine before them and you are going to be perfect without them, don’t let yourself think otherwise. Take it as a chance to rediscover yourself, explore a little, and go on an adventure. Find your confidence and never let it go again.
Most importantly, have don’t lose hope. Such relationships make you thin as if true appreciative love doesn’t exist, but it does. It does and it will find you, just hang in there and forgive yourself. Don’t hold any of it against yourself!
Talk to me
Have you been in a similar situation where you loved a little too much? Where you didn’t know where to limit yourself? I know how it feels to be that person and I know how much it hurts when you don’t get the same or even remotely close love in return. Share your experiences with me in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé