The most essential promises!
The kind of relationship you have depends on how much effort you put into it. The requisites of a happy and healthy relationship include love, respect, trust and faithfulness among other things. All of these need not only be cherished but also be fostered. This is undoubtedly demanding, but absolutely worth it! The journey may inevitably hit a few bumps every now and then but if both of you are willing to work together, you can get past them.
We tend to make promises based on transient feelings of bliss or even rage. Although very commonly observed, it doesn’t have the best outcomes. The promises made, even with good intentions, if impractical are no good to the relationship. Since you never know what the future has in store, there is a possibility that the prospective circumstances might render your promises unfulfilled, regardless of your intent. When you fail to keep a promise, the next person feels betrayed and starts questioning their choice to trust you. This is detrimental to a relationship; if trust starts slipping away, the relationship would as well.
Don’t ever promise more than you can deliver, but always deliver more than you can promise
This is something one should live by. You need to keep realistic expectations of each other and make promises that you can keep, which could result in a healthy and happy relationship. Following are a few such promises:
1. The promise to listen to each other
This is something most of us are not good at. There’s a difference between simply hearing someone out and listening to them for the sake of understanding. We fail to see the difference most of the times. When they’re pouring their heart out to you, they don’t necessarily expect a solution or advice in return, they might simply want you to hear and be supportive. So instead of being distracted by the search for a response, just listen to what they have to say, even if it’s the same thing over and over again.
2. The promise to be yourself
At the start of a relationship, you either intentionally or unintentionally try to impress your partner. In doing so, you may often be pretentious or at times may withhold the truth from them. This is never healthy for a long term relationship, because there’s only so long that you can keep up with the image you built. And when you fail to live up to it, it creates misunderstandings.
Always be yourself, right from the beginning. You shouldn’t be misleading them. Don’t keep anything about yourself from them, even the parts you’re not proud of. You might think that it’d scare them away, but it would only strengthen your bond with them and would also encourage them to be completely open with you.
3. The promise to let them be their true-selves
Despite the contrasting personalities you both have, never try to force them to act a sure way or keep them from showing parts of them you don’t like. This isn’t healthy for them as a person and they’d feel suffocated in the relationship. If anything, support them for who they are without any judgments.
4. The promise to enable their growth as a person
Not only should you support them with their vision, but also help them in all possible ways to make it a reality. Let them chase their dreams even if it isn’t something you’re particularly a fan of. Seeing them grow would make you happy as well and being a part of their journey, brings you two even closer.
5. The promise to deal with conflicts calmly
It’s probably one of the hardest things to do. It takes a lot of self-restraint to hear opposing views, and criticism, and responding to them in an acceptable manner. The key is to keep the argument from escalating. Display them the courtesy to share their stance on an issue. Listen and respond patiently and carefully.
There is a possibility of an exchange of a few harsh words during the argument, so be willing to apologize and make amends. Don’t let anything said in that period of time get to you, and be forgiving towards them.
6. The promise to always find time for them
Design it your priority to spend quality time with them. Explore new options together. Engage each other in the things that you both like. Do things that are as pleasant for them as they are for you. You making time for them proves to be reassuring. Whatever you do together might help reveal parts of you two that neither of you knew about.
7. The promise to work as a team
Working in a team means working together towards a common goal, which for a couple is a healthy, happy relationship. No one is in charge. Both of you are equal partners. Deal with everything that you encounter keeping all this in mind. Do not try to undermine the other. Respect each other’s opinions.
8. The promise to never compare your relationship with another
Every relationship is different from the other. They can’t possibly be alike because the people involved, their circumstances, their attitudes toward the relationship etc. are all different. Just like we’re taught to never compare our lives to others’, same goes for relationships. There is no point in setting someone else’s relationship as a standard to match up to. You can never know what goes on in a relationship unless you’re a part of it. The couple that appears to be happier than you two might actually be going through distress.
Appreciate what you have and try to improve it.
9. The promise to work together for a healthy, happy relationship
Whatever is it that you want from your relationship, work together to achieve it. Be accepting of the differences. Be patient when times are tough. Display each other support. Find a midway in situations where you both want different things. Design each other’s happiness your priority. The content of both the partners ensures a healthy, happy relationship, so keep working towards it.
Do your part in making the relationship healthy. Never fall short of delivering what you promise. It leads to the next person losing faith in you. As long as you under-promise and over-deliver, you’ll not only surprise your partner pleasantly, you’d never lose their trust either.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé