It is such an amazing feeling that you get when you look at someone, and you find yourself imagining a future with them. I’m not asking you to ignore that feeling; acknowledge it by all means. But before you impulsively act on it; just pause and think, as you might either end up with that beautiful picture you painted or a hasty disaster. Everyone hopes for the former, but there’s an equal chance of the latter happening as well. So it is always a good idea to consider a few things rather than blindly rushing into even asking them out.
Is it merely a passing infatuation?
Just because you are helplessly attracted to them doesn’t guarantee you a potential future with them. There is a pretty good chance that it turns out to be just a fleeting fascination, which inevitably fades away over time. And how exactly do you judge that? Well in all honesty, your better judgment betrays you in such situations, yet you need to figure it out. Consider about what draws you to them; if the only thing that you come up with is the way that they look, then maybe you need to reconsider your plans for them. Don’t give up on them entirely; get to know them a little better, in a non-dating scenario of course; because there is no such thing as trial-dating. Always choose someone you can actually have a future with, pursuing someone to no end is neither fair to you nor to the next person.
Do you have anything in common with them?
This isn’t completely necessary, but it is a sort of an added advantage, especially in the early stages of a relationship; maybe even helpful in planning the first date. For instance, if you’re both into sports, or like the same movies, or have similar taste in music etc., you will know exactly where to go and what to do, immensely easing off the pressure of a first date. This proves to be considerably helpful, as the things you have in common allow you to bond over them and spend more time together.
Do you two have any threatening differences?
Differences can be as harmless as supporting different teams in a game or as huge as contrasting ways of life. Differences don’t get in the way as long as you ensure that. No two people are exactly alike, which is why you are always going to encounter opposing viewpoints, and that is completely normal. Now this is something that you usually come to know at a later stage in a relationship, but in some cases you may come to know even before anything has begun. You shouldn’t be scared by any such thing, because in most of the cases, you can live with the differences and work around them. But if you’re not sure of it, then maybe it’s best to lay off the whole idea of even giving it a shot. There is no point in starting something only to end it over an issue you were aware of all along.
Are they on the same page as you?
This again is not essential, yet it is better if the feelings are mutual. Having said that, even if the feelings are not mutual; doesn’t make it a deal breaker. Just make sure that they aren’t interested in someone else, because that naturally won’t work in your favor. There is also a possibility that the person you’re interested in, might not be looking for a relationship. In that case, there is no harm in pursuing them, but know the difference between pursuing and smothering, and NEVER cross over to the other side. What might help here is getting to know the reason behind their reluctance and finding a way to reassure them.
Can you make it last?
If you think this isn’t even a concern when asking someone out, maybe you should reconsider it. Don’t get yourself into something temporary, if you can’t see a future with them, then maybe you shouldn’t be with them to begin with. Spending enough time with someone, you develop emotional dependency on them among other things. The other things may be coped up with, but emotional dependency is very difficult to recover from, if things go south. It may be so that you were never sure of what you wanted from a sure relationship, but your partner is already planning way ahead of you, which would scare you off and leave them confused and disappointed. So again, I cannot emphasize this enough, if you can see them in your future, only then should they be a part of your present.
It may seem unnecessary to some people to even consider these things before asking out someone, but it might actually save you from making wrong decisions, keeping in mind that these decisions never affect you alone; but also the people involved. All said and done, if you’re still unsure, trust your instinct in such matters and you might eventually end up with who you ought to be.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé