Honey, stop being so hard on yourself.
Relationships don’t always work. No matter how hard you try to make your relationship work, it just falls apart, and what’s even worse is that sometimes, you just can’t come to terms with the fact that it’s not working, and it’s just not meant to be. You choose to live in denial, but things can’t go on like that for too long. There are moments in your relationship where you can feel it in your bones that you have let it go, but you don’t, you keep trying.
Maybe it’s because you’re curious about the future, perhaps you want to give it one last chance, maybe you want to watch your efforts bear fruit and finally make a real change or perhaps because you’re just not ready to walk out of your relationship. You might be feeling too weak to take a stand and to do something about your dysfunctional, hurtful relationship here, and there are some signs that you simply can’t ignore because a relationship that is unhealthy and unstable must be put an end to. If you see any of these signs occurring in your relationship, then you need to read into them, view them as a red flag, and know that it’s time for you to move on from it.
1. You’re making excuses for them:
If he puts you in a position where you find that your making excuses for him, understand that you need to ditch this relationship you’re in. If you have to blame his wrongdoings on yourself, on someone else, or other circumstances, they are the relationship worth your time and energy at all?
If you hear yourself saying something along the lines of “it’s my fault that he cheated on me, I should’ve spent more time with him, been around him more often,” “it’s not his fault that he’s lying to me about every other thing, maybe he’s just in an awful place right now,” “I can understand why he did what he did, I must have pushed his buttons when he hit me,” “he had his reasons for making me feeling the way he did, he’s only human” then you need to know that you’re in a relationship that you should have gotten out of long ago. Making excuses for someone is a toxic way of dealing with things, and it is truly one of the biggest reasons for leaving them because, for exactly how long do you think you can keep sugar-coating the truth about him?
2. You feel alone when you’re with them:
Do you feel lonely on the inside even while he’s sitting right next to you? Does he make you feel like you’re on your own, with no one turn to when you’re in need of a shoulder to cry on? Does he make you feel like you’re forcing your presence onto him? Like you’re unwanted? If you never see him making efforts to make you happy and if you feel miserably alone around him, then leave him. Don’t just ignore this sign.
3. The relationship rarely feels like a normal, healthy one:
Every relationship naturally goes through its fair share of ups and downs, but do the two of you rarely share moments of pure love, happiness, trust, and all the other good stuff? If your relationship is always going through a rough patch, if the never-ending cycle of fights and negativity has started to seem reasonable and if it never feels healthy and happy except maybe once in a blue moon, don’t try to justify it. It’s a sign that should make you rethink your choices and run from that kind of mental pressure and emotional abuse.
4. You’re pretending to be happy:
You know that on the inside, you’re not satisfied in and with your relationship, it’s sucking the life out of you, it’s making you doubt your decision. You lie to yourself about being content, happy, and at peace, whereas you’re just struggling to run from the truth. When your heart is always telling you that you’re everything but happy and that you wish you weren’t made to feel this way then know that something is wrong with your relationship because a man who’s making you lie to yourself about being truly happy instead of making you happy is not the kind of man you, or anyone for that matter, should waste time on.
5. He can’t understand your silence:
There comes a time when you’re so hopeless about the crumbling relationship that you choose just to be quiet and hide away from the misery instead of confronting him about the things that are killing you. You just can’t handle another fight, another blame-game, so you only become silent, hoping he’ll realize the reason behind your silence or at least he will try. Still, if your boyfriend never asks you what’s keeping you from being your usual self, he doesn’t say something like “what’s wrong, why are you so quiet?” “Why are you so sad, is it me?” “can we figure this out because I want you to be okay again” then he does not understand your silence.
Your silence doesn’t bother him, your absence doesn’t bother him; he doesn’t care if you’re not talking to him, and ultimately it doesn’t matter to him whether you’re there or not. His insensitivity and carelessness are something you should never have to put up with. It’s a massive, glaring red flag. Leave him.
Talk to me
Do you agree? Talk to me in the comments below!