Since the relationship future is kind of always questionable, anything you do or don’t do could be the end of it. Should we then leave things be? Definitely not. If something is essential to you; you work for it. Even if the chances of a desirable outcome are not too favorable, you still try to give it your cent percent. Despite how difficult things get or how many mistakes you make; just keep working on your relationship. Now there are things everyone could adopt to have a healthier relationship; but a few things that should be avoided at all costs are:
1. Taking sex out of the equation:
Why would anyone want to do that! Sex isn’t just about getting each other off. It creates a very special bond between two people. All your physical flaws are exposed to the next person and they accept you; in fact love you for them. You achieve a level of comfort not possible any other way. It shows how much you want the next person. You find them desirable and what better way to show them. It keeps the relationship alive and if you have a different opinion you’ll see how keeping sex off the table would affect things. If you keep your partner deprived from something they want they might do the same to you in frustration.
2. Gradual decrease in intimacy
There are so many elements in a relationship; and taking any one out of the picture disturbs the balance. Be it your open and honest conversations, your desire to know everything that goes on with them, the physical intimacy among and several other things. Anything in your relationship that holds you two together, increases your affection for each other; if stopped would have devastating results. Be close to each other; physically, mentally as well as emotionally.
3. Keeping your feelings to yourself
You’re not doing anyone any favors by not voicing your opinions. You might save yourself from an argument then; but it is going to stay with you; nagging you all the time probably leading to a later blast of feelings. Hold things from coming to that. In a relationship; both the partners should feel free to tell the other one if they’ve been hurt in some way or aren’t particularly happy with something. You’re not being the person by allowing a monster to grow inside you. Unless you are actually willing to let go of something; don’t suppress your feelings.
4. You start slacking once you have them
That’s the most difficult part, right? You’ve already put in so much to get them. You shouldn’t be expected to do more. Getting in a relationship isn’t as hard as maintaining a healthy relationship. You cannot, at any cost, take them for granted. Display them how much you want them and how lucky you’re to have them as often as possible. Don’t stop doing the same things you did to get them. no one likes to be taken for granted; you wouldn’t either.
5. Bending over backwards for them
Yes you love them, and you want them to have everything they’ve ever wanted and you’re willing to do just about anything for them as well. But, you have to put yourself before everyone else. Even the love of your life. And you don’t have to feel guilty about it either. A person who knows himself/herself and knows exactly what they want and actually finds a way to get the things they want; happens to be one of the most admirable thing ever. Don’t lose yourself in trying to love your partner.
6. Do not confuse them
You either want to be with someone, or you don’t. It’s that simple. If you’re telling someone that you love them, and not acting like it; you’re making a fool out of them. They won’t be able to trust you. And if you’re acting smitten for some time and then out of the blue you act all detached; that doesn’t help either. Design sure you want them and want to keep them. Only then can you prove it to them and gain their trust. Please refrain from the mixed-signals game. You don’t want to be playing with someone’s feelings.
7. Don’t stick to the routine
It’s alright to have a couple of lazy dates where you just stay in and watch a movie or even nap together and nothing else. But don’t overdo it. Go out. Do things together. Otherwise the next person is going to think that this is the only thing you’re ever going to do together; which would naturally make them question the future of the relationship. A good thing to do is experiment when it comes to planning your dates. Do something they’re always talking about some time; even if you’ve never done it before and vice versa.
8. Don’t patronize your partner
This shouldn’t even need to be said. It’s downright insulting. You of all the people shouldn’t be the one making your partner feel like they’re not good enough or insignificant. There are going to be things they don’t know of or are not so good at doing; but you should be helping them out with it rather than making them feel like an outcast. Aid them grow and better themselves. They’d not only love but also respect you more for it.
9. Trust issues
Don’t ever give anyone a chance especially your partner to lose trust in you. It takes a lot to place your trust in someone. It’s always a risk, you know that too. Don’t give them any reason to doubt you. If you say something; stick to it. Hold your promises. Of course there are going to be times when even while you don’t mean to break your promises, it is bound to happen. Elaborate yourself and make up for it afterwards. Things happen and it’s understandable. It’s how you deal with them that matters most.
10. The sex is all about your pleasure
Relationships teach you not to be selfish about anything. Everything is about shared interests; and that does not exempt sex. You shouldn’t ignore your partner’s needs and just focus on yours. The experience is so much better when both of you are satisfied. If they’re doing something you like, don’t hold back in returning the favor. Moreover, be generous!
11. Not acknowledging your relationship and your partner around other people
Unless you’ve been forbidden to see your partner by their family or something; you have no excuse to not be open and admitting to dating them. When you don’t accept them as your partner in public, the only ideas you’re giving them is that you’re probably not sincere or are ashamed of them. You don’t see it going anywhere, so why tell anyone and then answer their unending questions as to why things ended between the two of you. If it isn’t either of the two, then you should have no troubling owning them in public.
Something bothering you? Talk about it. Get it out in the open. Discuss it. Deal with it and move on.В Don’t carry that sort of baggage around with you. Bringing up things of the past in some later argument does no good. Things tend to escalate. What could’ve been dealt with at the beginning may get out of control. The damage control becomes much more difficult. Resentment changes your attitudes towards them and everything they do seems to bother you and you start feeling differently for them. All these are signs of some major trouble. Don’t let it get to that.
13. Contrasting plans for the future
You’re both allowed to pursue what you want. But if it’s something that cannot be managed while being with each other and neither of you is willing to give up what they want; then you’ve reached an impasse. You’d both need to go your separate paths, literally. This isn’t something that should be taken lightly or put off to be discussed at a later stage in a relationship. You’re aware of what the two of you want. Try coming up with a practical solution which doesn’t affect only one of you. And if you can’t find anything; you’d have to the thing you dread the most.
14. Never letting go of an opportunity to argue
Arguments are healthy for a relationship. But when you start picking up fights with them for no reason at all; it isn’t healthy anymore. All you’re doing is pushing them away. They’d start questioning your interest in them. Where you don’t necessarily have to be on the same page with them; you shouldn’t try to counter every single thing they say.
15. The never ending whining
If it’s not work, it’s something related to your family, or the traffic, or the neighbors or even the economy. Something is always bothering you and you make sure that your partner knows that too. You complain about the most insignificant things and do it most of the time. You need to stop immediately! It’s irritable. Not even the most patient person in the world could keep up with that amount of whining.
If something is meant to happen, it will happen sooner or later. There’s no escape. Relationships that are bound to be doomed will face it and the one’s bound to last will get through anything and everything. All you can do is to try to make the best of what you have. And if you can’t make them better, don’t make them worse either.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé