We’re all guilty of comparing our relationships at some point or another. And yes the differences can be very disappointing at times. The thing is; you just can’t help it! More so when things are a little rocky. We all know that it’s unhealthy and so very damaging to the relationship, yet we keep looking for signs of trouble even when there aren’t any.
Don’t be deceived by appearances – Men and things are not what they seem.’ William Booth
Nothing is ever as it appears to be. You never know what the seemingly perfect couple might be dealing with. Here are a couple of reasons why you should get rid of this habit of comparison:
В 1. Not everyone’s going to give you the truth:
You know it; yet you allow yourself to believe anything people tell you. Even the people closest to you will keep the horrific details of their relationship from you. And you can’t judge them for doing so. They’d pretend that everything’s breezy just because their relationship means a lot to them and despite everything they wouldn’t want other people thinking that it’s simply no good. You too keep your struggles to yourself and smile through everything just because you don’t want to give the impression that you can’t handle things on your own.
В 2.Don’t be fooled by the social media hype:
Each one of you must know at least one such person who posts every single detail of their relationship on social media. Not only are they annoying (they’re very annoying!), but believe it or not they’re overcompensating for all that their relationship lacks; in their own manner. If you still choose to believe that your colleague has never been this in love with someone; it’s totally up to you. Just because they’re facebook says so; doesn’t make it true.
В 3. Everything happens in its own time:
So your best friend’s getting married over the weekend and you haven’t even exchanged those three words with your partner. Not to forget; many of the people you know are going to be there and to make things more interesting; most of them are married too.
But don’t freak out! You can’t rush into something like marriage. And you most certainly can’t rush into making any long-term commitments until you’re ready. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Allow things to work out on their own; you won’t be sorry.
В 4. Total waste of time!:
Wouldn’t you rather spend your time doing something that makes you happy rather than finding reasons to be depressed? Even if you have a lot of time a hand; do something productive, or spend time with your partner, or just zone out! You do not need unnecessary negativity. Regardless of what you do, your relationship is always going to be different from others. So it’s better to use your time to work on your relationship rather than worrying yourself over things you have no control over. – Continue reading on the next page
В 5. It brings you down:
What do you usually notice about other people’s relationships? It’s usually the good things. You don’t even acknowledge the bad things even if they’re right in front of you. And then you want all those things for yourself. You spend a good deal of time asking yourself why does your relationship lack all these amazing qualities and will you ever be able to have them or not. Ultimately you convince yourself that your relationship is never going to be good enough, even though in reality you’ve never had anything better. So stop tormenting yourself and if you do think that your relationship needs a little work, then get to it.
В 6. You don’t even compare the right things:
You just fixate around the highlights of other relationships while conveniently ignoring the highlights of yours. If the next couple doesn’t argue as much that doesn’t mean they’re perfectly happy with each other. It could also mean that they’ve probably given up on each other and are not even bothered to settle their differences any more. You might argue often but you might be head over heels in love with each other and the arguments never drive you apart; but bring you closer each time.
В 7. Maybe it isn’t the right time yet:
When you rush into things you just as easily rush out of them. The same applies to relationships as well. Although there maybe exceptions but a very few at that. So even if you and your friend started dating around the same time and they’re already planning a wedding, it shouldn’t bother you. You’ll only find it troubling if you weren’t sure of where your relationship is going. But as long as you know there’s a promising future, the time it takes to get there wouldn’t be an issue.
В 8. Cease reading into everything:
Sometimes, just sometimes; things are simply as they appear. No underlying hidden meanings or reasons. If you and your partner aren’t big on words, it’s not because of a lack of feelings; it’s just the way you two are. The married couple next door might never shut up but there’s no reason you two couldn’t have a deeper connection than them. Calm is not always followed by a storm. So if your relationship is going well don’t be out looking for reasons to worry, make the most of what you have.
В 9. You’re ridiculing what you share with your partner:
Let’s face it; things aren’t always going to go well. There are going to be times where you’d feel like you’ve no clue at all about where your relationship is headed. Even worse; there are also going to be times where you might even want to completely give up. But you can never compare what you two have with anyone else’s relationship. Only you know what your relationship means to you and the importance it holds in your eyes. Even in the darkest of times; you’d still wish for things to work out.В – Continue reading on the next page
В 10. Don’t be complacent:
There are going to be relationships worse than yours, but at the same time there are going to be better ones too. If you shouldn’t be comparing your bads to their goods, you shouldn’t be comparing your goods to their bads either. Things could go surprisingly wrong at any given time and you could be wishing for a relationship like that couple you thought had no hope at all. What works for you might not necessarily work out for someone else. Just do what feels right for you; and mind your own relationship.
В 11. You’re distracted by competition:
Instead of trying to adopt a couple’s good habits; you want to leave them far behind in some imaginary race. You don’t want to do things like them; but better than them. This keeps you from tending to the parts of your relationship that actually need to be worked on. You could be spending all your time to outshine that couple you envy, while not doing any good to your own relationship. This again only wastes time that could be used in many better ways. Focus on what’s essential for your relationship.
В 12. You can’t foresee the future:
Just because you didn’t start out hot and heavy doesn’t determine the strength or future of your relationship. It doesn’t dim your chances in the slightest for a happily ever after. There are people who are nauseatingly lovey-dovey since day one; but break up in a snap. No matter how badly you screw up things, you could have a potential future with someone. And no matter how careful you are and even if you try doing everything right; there is still a pretty good chance that your relationship might come to an end sooner or later.
В 13. You’d never switch places with anyone, at any cost:
You wish your life would be as easy as your friend’s. They’ve always had what they wanted. Everything comes easy to them. But is that true? What of the family they never talk about? The on-again, off-again relationship they have? Would you want to be in their place? I think not. We all want the luxuries that other people enjoy; no one ever wants the baggage that is part of the package. Sadly life doesn’t work that way and we prefer settling for what we have. At least it’s better than having nothing at all.
В 14. Other relationships aren’t any of your concern:
Its human nature to be curious; but it’s in your hands to keep that curiosity from turning into obsession. If someone is having trouble with their relationship; it isn’t your responsibility to rescue them unless of course they ask for your help. Similarly, if someone is exceptionally happy with their partner presently; it isn’t any of your business. You don’t need to know what keeps them together happily; there’s a pretty good chance that it might not work out so well for you. So spare yourself the disaster.
В 15. No two relationships can be the same:
If people aren’t the same; how can the relationships that they have be the same either. Different people have different temperaments. And there’s no standard rule for dealing with people or relationships. You need to learn yourself first; then your partner and then what helps your relationship with them. you can’t just adopt something from another couple and expect it to give you the same results they have achieved. It doesn’t work like that. If you want your relationship to work; you’re going to find a way to make it last, without any help from other people.
This should be convincing enough. Cease comparing relationships! It almost never turns out well. Nothing good ever comes out of it. You worry yourself over things that don’t even matter. And you end up creating more problems rather than making things better.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé