Being friends after a break up, it’s all a lie. Truth is, you can never go from going out as lovers and coming out as friends. Let’s stay friends is just a term people say they’ll do out of respect or to save someone else’s feelings after a relationship is over. But then, there’s always that one person after the break up who hurts more than the other. People say that having a friendly relationship is much better than the real one. But they don’t realise that for the one who held more feelings than the other, it’s like breaking up all over again, but messier.
Fishing around his Facebook page? Searching for that chick he cheated on you with to find out… well, what?В Whether you just want to see his face again, see what he’s up to or you want some insight into why he dumped you, no reason is a good one. You’re only hurting yourself. You are better than this. Change your focus.
Deleting them out of your social network is a roller coaster ride altogether; sure it’s going to be hard and it’s emotional and tad bit over dramatic I feel, but from experience I can tell you, it frees you from their ties and bonds. You can no longer stalk them, and eventually you stop giving a darn about them and start focusing on your life. Because before that, you obsess over one another, trying you win the breakup, fight over who is happier, who gives less of a fuck, and who is having more fun; all in the virtual world. Once you click that unfriend button, or that unfollow button, you can literally feel better about yourself and your decision to cut them out; you feel like you’ve grown and you experience a sense of liberty.
1. That temptation to talk to them
Once you’ve successfully deleted your ex, you will no longer feel the need to talk to them. Since you cannot see their activities, it’s like that saying: out of sight, out of mind. You no longer have to deal with the drama that goes in your head when they post a picture with a new romantic interest, because he’s not there to cause that temptation to ask him what went wrong and why you two gave up on love. Even if you want to talk to him, you’ll have to search him up but then too, you will think twice about messaging him.
2. Thinking about them
Since they’re no longer popping up on your newsfeeds every time you check your Facebook, you eventually start forgetting about them. You will no longer publish photos, status updates, or instagrams with the back-of-the-mind hope that they will see what you’ve been up to and notice that you’ve been having fun without them.
You start focusing on yourself and having fun for yourself, instead of always trying to one-up each other in the battle of winning the breakup. After a breakup, we tend to remember all the good things about our exes and forget the bad things. This can keep us emotionally glued to them. Why not remember all the things that bugged you about him instead, like how he snored like a foghorn or made exotic animal sounds during sex? By remembering his annoying habits, it’ll be easier to let go.
3. Feeling good about yourself
The primary reason I hesitated to delete him was because I was holding onto the hope that he would one day become relevant, in any capacity, to my life again. So, even though we had broken up, I still refused to break up on the Internet.
After I deleted my ex, I no longer concentrated on why we broke up and what went wrong. I stopped missing him and was able to stop fixating on him. I felt better about myself because I started to see that I deserved better than him and what he gave me; I was happier and content.
4. Wondering if he cares
Once you stop obsessing over him, you will come to realize that you stop caring whether he cares about you or not. You are no longer a part of their life, and you will start to see that life is pretty good. You begin to understand the truth, that there’s nothing you could’ve done or said that would’ve kept him around. Even if you were the most perfect person in the whole world, he still would’ve found a reason to break up with you.
5. Moving on
Instead of being fixated over how much you still love him, how about turning that love within yourself? What do you love about yourself? Is it your humor, your intellect or your creativity? The more you love yourself, the less likely you’ll crave that love from your ex. Additionally, think about where you are in your life and what you want to accomplish.
Now’s the perfect opportunity, so get going on achieving those dreams! Meet new people, go travel, hang with your friends, do things you love; because life is too short to dwindle over why someone couldn’t see the best in you. Cease playing, “He loves me, he loves me not.” Play, “I love myself” instead. Use this experience to empower yourself to live better and love better.
Talk to me
Have you gone through the difficult process of removing your ex from your life, online and offline? Let me know how you got through it in the comments below.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé