No matter how emotionally intelligent you are or how experienced you are when it comes to dating, toxic relationships can still happen.
However, sometimes they can be hard to identify when they’re happening to you.
If you’re in a relationship like this, you’ll be able to tell because you’ll go through these exhausting, damaging stages. Here’s a list of them below:
1. They get mad when you talk to your family
They don’t understand why you need to call your mom so much. If your partner has a bad relationship with their own family, they may end up resenting you for getting along with yours. In truth, your partner may be trying to weaken connections. They want your full attention and don’t want your parents to talk you out of the relationship if they happen to see any red flags.
2. They’re also bitter when you make plans with friends
Everyone deserves to have friends outside of a relationship. It’s healthy and natural. While it may seem somewhat common to favor hanging out with your partner at the beginning of your relationship, a toxic boyfriend or girlfriend will actually give you a guilt trip if you want to dedicate your time to anyone else well after the honeymoon period is over. Don’t allow yourself to weaken any of your already-strong connections. You may need to depend on these people for their support when you finally realize it’s time to call it quits.
3. You feel like you’re always to blame
It’s always for small stuff too. If you accidentally left the freezer door open, you’re led to believe it’s your fault. If you forgot to water a plant, you’re completely held responsible. Even if you live together, it seems like anything that goes wrong is pinned on you. That’s simply not fair, and a surefire way to lower your self-confidence.
4. Everything seems to be a crisis
Going back to those examples, stop and think — did you get yelled at for forgetting to close the freezer or water the plant? Did your partner make you cry while shifting this blame? Life is short, and accidents happen. People make mistakes sometimes, especially this year with more on our plates. Unless it’s a life or death situation, you should examine your partner’s response to such a nonessential mistake like this.
5. You keep making excuses for your partner’s behaviour
It’s easy to say something like, “oh, he’s just moody since the coronavirus has made him depressed,” or “he just had a hard day at work.” It’s very kind to be understanding and empathetic, but if you’re thinking up a new excuse every day, you’re giving your partner too much credit. People should be held responsible for their actions even if they occur due to their mood change. You shouldn’t be getting sassed at since he forgot about a webinar he forgot to attend for work. That’s on him, not you.
6. They act like hanging out with you is an obligation
Why waste time with someone who doesn’t want to sit and watch a movie with you? You deserve some of your partner’s time, no matter what. If your boyfriend or girlfriend keeps canceling on you or turning down activities you mention, you’re not being fulfilled in your relationship. A decent partner will say yes. This is because not only do they treasure the time together but they want you to be happy too.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé