Today, while sitting on the coffee table, I looked out the window and thanked fate for bringing true love into my life, just like that. It made me think of how my life would have been if I hadn’t found her and would still be with the kind of jerks I was with, before.
Just the thought of it threw me in to a time warp of all the heart breaks I have had which eventually got me thinking of all the heartbreaks I have seen happen. It is all an inevitable cycle.
You know what was common in all of them?В Words!В The way I have seen words poison relationships around me, I honestly think they are the most dangerous tools in the world. Words give you the deepest scars. They have the ability to scar you so deeply that simply the thought of those words or even hearing the words can trigger emotions and battles you had thought were long over with. Emotional scars are so much harder to heal than physical ones.
If only we could choose our words carefully, if only we could think before we spoke in anger, if only we could realize the consequences of the venom we were about to spit out we would be careful. Simple words that you think mean nothing can fuel fires and cause so much damage, it’s like stimulating forest fires.
If everyone thought before opening their mouths, it would be almost a perfect world. No pain due to words that you think were meant from the bottom of their heart but in reality were simply mislead thoughts and mistakes spoken out loud due to the heat of the moment. No need for apologies and painstakingly long dragged out break ups and make ups.
So here is to all those who have had their hearts broken, it’s all right! You are not alone and you are greater than those words. You are greater than all of those things that they thought would pull you down and if one of these things have been said to you, read along and trust me, you won’t care about them after you are done reading this article. And even if you do, it will be the first step for you to get over them.
Maybe you already are over them and these words will only make you recall the strength and determination you had that made you get over them in the first place.
You are strong and worthy and once you realize that you are basically unstoppable.
When they said:
1. You don’t deserve to be loved, the way I love you’
Well, guess what, if you did love me, you wouldn’t be saying this at the first place and now that we have established the fact that this isn’t true love, how about you pack your stuff and take your unmatchable love somewhere else?
Why would they love you if you don’t deserve it? If they say something like this they are probably the least selfless people are around you. Trust me; their obviously selfish personalities are afraid of you leaving them, not the other way around.
Words like these are often spoken in emotionally abusing relationships. The idea is to make your partner feel so worthless that they begin to believe that they don’t deserve any better. Once a person begins feeling this way, it doesn’t matter if they are treated like crap. They program themselves to believe that a relationship with said abuser is so highly unlikely for someone at their level that they cling onto the abuser regardless of how bad they treat them.
Don’t let yourself feel bad about this a single bit, no one who truly loves you will ever tell you that you are not worthy of it. You are worthy of love. Every decent human being is. No mistake of the past describes you. Don’t let hookups of the past or accidents of the past let your man or woman tell you that you don’t deserve love? Yes you do not deserve their love. You deserve better.
2. You are an embarrassment’
There are ways to tell your partner if they are doing something wrong but this is certainly not the way. Couples embarrass each other a lot of times on small things but they let it go by joking about it.
You speaking loudly n public, joking, making puns or simply having a good time not being conservative isn’t something you should be afraid of. You’re not an object. You have a life and if the way you act is something they decide they want to change let them know, it’s not something you get to decide. – Continue reading on next page
If they care about image so much, if they care about looking cool’ and classy and chic’ so much that they’re willing to sacrifice your enjoyment as well as butcher your feeling telling you to basically stop being yourself, they don’t deserve you and you don’t want to hang out with them. They’re a bunch of image loving prudes and you have so much better stuff to do.Yet, if they say these words to you too often and this rudely, know that you are better off without them. Telling your partner, they are an embarrassment is an embarrassment in itself. Don’t do that. Just don’t.
3. I don’t love you anymore’
Just these words to breakup are a huge burden over the shoulders of the person whom they are being said to. They will always blame themselves for things they thought would have caused the breakup. Don’t leave someone in the dark by just telling them you can not love them anymore. Give them reasons so maybe, just maybe, they can work on themselves and become better. It’s better than breaking their hearts, forever.
Don’t just tell someone who it will not simply work out. And don’t say it is not you it’s me’. As human beings we strive to find our own imperfections and we strive to find reasons to make ourselves better. But if you don’t even give a relevant reason before breaking up with someone it’s like asking them to search for their own flaws. It is asking them to look into themselves and find flaws in things that are perfect as they are. Don’t ask them to do that. Disclose them what was wrong. Let them improve. Let them fix if they decide to.В – Continue reading on next page
4. I love someone else’
Cheating has no excuse, man up and say you want out before you go on to find an alternate branch to hold on to, before you leave the one in hand.В It doesn’t make the person, whom it’s being said to, the weaker one or the one at a loss. It just makes the one saying it, a coward.В So don’t let these words drive all your future relationships. Rise above them and find what you deserve.
Loyalty is pretty much the foundation of a relationship. You can’t ruin the entire aspect of a relationship for a person. It’s not something humane. Cheating on someone is as low as you can go.
It is okay to fall in love with someone else. However acting on it while you are still pretending to be faithful to your partner is just hideous. Don’t destroy your partner’s heart and definitely don’t destroy another person’s life. It’s like turning someone into a home wrecker and asking them to go on and continue the relationship, while facing the wrath of an ex as well as the wrath of her potential in-laws to be.
If you do find yourself in a situation where you can’t help but feel a sure way about someone else. It does not matter how much you still love your partner, if you prefer someone else over them. Do not lead them on. Don’t think you are breaking their heart by telling them you don’t love them. The quicker you tell them the truth. The quicker they will recover and the easier it will be for them to move on. It’s like ripping off a band-aid. Just think twice before you rip this one off. You could potentially be losing a great person from your life.В – Continue reading on next page
5. I don’t think you can do it’
The person one expects support from is their partner. No matter how small the thing might seem to others but if it matters to you, it should matter to your partner as well. Losing your partner’s support takes away half of the drive you had to do something. It breaks your heart to see the only person you expect support from doesn’t have that much faith in you.
Have faith and be with the ones who have faith in you.
If you want to go ahead and aim for your dream, you want your partner’s approval. It’s not something that should affect your decision because you are your own person however you always will feel more happy knowing you have full support from your partner. Now if you want to follow your dreams, go ahead. It’s understandable however that someone will be a little more wary if you want to pursue your dreams of growing wings, but if it’s humanly possible, then don’t let anyone bring you down and definitely don’t take anyone down just because they have dreams you think can not be achieved by people simply because you underestimate them.
Sometimes, you don’t have the qualification to do something, in cases like those, your partner should encourage you to actually gain the qualification, or they should encourage you to pursue it in the future. Don’t be self-absorbed either if you have been together for a long time, you probably trust them for all the right reasons. Maybe it’s just not the right time. Scrutinize forward to the future and be a bit more understanding.В – Continue reading on next page
6. I am not physically attracted to you anymore’
That is the worst kind of insult and personality crushing comment you can give to anyone.В Women take this very seriously, why do you think they put so much effort in maintaining themselves?В Whether it is their hair, makeup, general hygiene because it kills them to see their partners finding someone more attractive than them and telling them they are not good enough to satisfy you in bed takes a toll on their self-esteem and personality.
Hygiene is vital. You need to get a grip o it there is no excuse regarding hygiene. However if your partner has a problem with anything else that isn’t a risk to health, make sure you voice your opinions. If you gain some weight, don’t take anything but positively put advice.
Don’t tell someone they’re ugly, or that they don’t suit your personal style. It’s okay to not be attracted to someone, but it is not okay to be a douche about it.
And don’t give people random advice about their weight or their style. Again you re their partner not their life coach¦ not that they need one.
But on a completely different note, I would recommend not letting yourself go either. I mean, be attractive for your partner, and don’t give them the chance to think of you as unattractive. This doesn’t mean losing 200 pounds, it means being confident, being flirty, being you, notВ ashamed and just wooing them if I may say so. Hold physically fit, have a physical relationship and laugh it out with your partner.В – Continue reading on next page
7. It is personal, none of your business!’
Within a second, you have thrown someone out of your life like that. The person you have said this to will never feel like they have the right to help you in your problems, show support or even try to be concerned. They are only asking out of care. If they’re dating you, it is not for gossip blogging or being the talk of the town, it’s because they love you and they want to share your burdens and help you keep your head above water. If you are in a committed relationship, although personal space is a thing, not talking to your partner and being vocally intimate with them can be potential relationship suicide. In a split second, you have made them feel like a complete stranger. Do them a favor and let yourself, personally, out of this relationship.
There are billions things we say from day-to-day that might cause our partners so much pain, like:
Hold quiet, you don’t know anything about this’
Whoa! What have you done to your face?’
You smell bad’
I could have found anyone but I chose to be with you’
You look better in that other dress’
You don’t look good in red’
Whoa! Why are you being so loud?’
All of these, you see, how different, simple and complicated these sentences can be. While you say things like they don’t matter to you, they could cause the other one heart wrenching pain. Choose your words wisely and for those who have been on the receiving side, aren’t you glad you are past them?
Don’t hold ridiculously high standards and definitely don’t push your feelings, your choices, your tastes and your sense of class and etiquette onto your partner. Do not tell them to convert for you
You’d be the perfect wife, if only you were Christian’
Nope. That is not okay my friend and we all know it. Your religion is great and so is your partners. Don’t enter a relationship if she doesn’t meet your make or break standards before you even start dating.
You are your own person and your choices and tastes definitely matter so don’t let anyone bring you down. This is again just another form of emotional abuse. You are definitely better off without it. And if you are the kind to actually go ahead and treat people like that, just reevaluate your life.
For those on the receiving end Let these heartbreaks go and prepare yourself for the one who will truly value you. They’re definitely out there. Do not just settle’. Do not just deal with it’ for the rest of your life. Settle for no less than what you truly deserve.
Talk to me
Scrutinize, we all go through heartbreak and there’s many interesting stories out there. I know some of you are going through it right now will hate me calling your pain just a story but trust me, you will look back at it a few years later and you’ll laugh at it and be okay with it and probably call yourself an idiot for crying over it for so long. Don’t worry whatever it is that you are going through, you will get through it. It might take a year or even two but it will just be a potential path for you to grow, for you to evolve.
We’ve all gone through our fair share of pain and heartbreaks. What was yours like? Share your sorrows with me in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé