Okay, so before I get to the questions, let me just say that I have never believed in anything as simple as just falling in love with someone with 36 questions. I’m pretty sure that a lot of people would say that the idea is absurd. However, baffling as it may be, people actually fell in love by asking each other these 36 questions.
Nearly twenty years ago, a psychologist by the name of Arthur Aron compiled a list of 36 questions he thought were guaranteed to make any two people fall in love. In order for the experiment to work, he divided the questions into 3 parts and said that the questions have to be answered as honestly as possible and an interval of 4 minutes has to be taken at the end of each part where the two people have to look into each other’s eyes. He based the questions on something he thought was necessary for anyone to fall in love with someone; being vulnerable.
Again, it might sound absurd because vulnerability is the last thing you’d expect to be chemical X, however, for the two people who volunteered for Arthur’s experiment, it worked. They married six months later. In more recent years, Mandy Len Carton shared her experience with the Modern Love Column of The Novel York times. She recalled that she felt intrigued and decided to try it out with her friend from university whom she didn’t have any romantic feelings for of any sort and surely enough, she also fell in love.
Regarding the success of his 36 questions, Arthur Aron says, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure”.
After assessing the questions myself, I personally think that it isn’t magic like you won’t just fall for someone in an hour. It’s effective because of the emotions that are displayed after the questions; some will make you laugh, some will make you cry. This coupled with the 4-minute stare just makes a person feel different than what they’ve ever felt.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? *Continue to the next page*
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?В *Continue to the next page*
25. Design three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be essential for him or her to know.
28. Disclose your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Disclose your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Share your results
So did you fall in love yet? Share your results in the comments below!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé