When I say, ‘The One’, I mean that he wasn’t the one I could have a future with. He was, however, the one guy who made me realise that sometimes we’re so blinded by our attraction towards someone because of how different they were before the start of the relationship that we don’t expect them to be the vile human beings they turn out to be as the relationship progresses.
Sure, there were many red flags throughout the course of the relationship but it wasn’t until after it ended that I finally got to think about them and begrudged disregarding them in the first place.
The signs proving that a guy isn’t the one are pretty universal, if any of these apply to your guy in particular way then I advise you to end it now or else you’ll have some sort of resentment.
1. Thought that cheating wasn’t a big deal
My ex always used to laugh his ass off whenever some of his friends told him of their cheating stories. I never found them to be funny at all, in fact, I thought of them as completely revolting as to how it’s even humane to take pride in deceiving someone because later on, those same friends would act all loving with their ‘main’ girlfriends. It made me sick, it annoyed me when my ex just laughed and told them that they were so very ‘clever’.
Initially, I shrugged it off as something he was probably doing to fit in so I’m like, “okay they might be jerks but he isn’t”. I was so wrong because the second I told him how disgusting it was, he told me that I could never ever ‘lighten up’. This was the first sign and I regret not thinking about it carefully and leaving him right then and there.
2. “I don’t even like her, I was just bored”
Obviously if he thought cheating was fine, he did actually cheat as well. When I found out about it and confronted him, he resorted to the most pathetic excuse of a lie there could ever exist. I don’t deny that he actually didn’t like her and that he wasn’t bored but the thing is that if she was just someone he wanted to pass the time with, then what was I? After that, he turned into the most innocent person on the planet who could never be wrong and I forgave him even though I shouldn’t have. There were times when I felt guilty. I thought maybe I was the one who wasn’t giving him enough time which might have swayed him away from me. How foolish of me, right?
3. Ignoring me
This doesn’t include him not talking to me after we had a fight or when I knew he was busy, this includes all the other times that he thought everything in the world is better to do than talk to me. These times included times when I needed someone to comfort me and to help me through a tough situation and he was never there. He even refused to feel bad about it later on and told me I was being ‘too needy’. I can tell the difference between being needy and just wanting to have a conversation sometimes.
4. Telling me there were things I didn’t need to know about
I admit that there are bound to be some things that your partner doesn’t need to know about but only things which don’t fall into the ‘something bad’ category. Whatever he thought I shouldn’t be aware of obviously fell into that category because at no point in the relationship was I ever given the opportunity to find out anything other than what I had already known about him.
I get that no one should snoop in someone else’s phone without their permission but he’d freak out if his phone was moved and he immediately accused me of not trusting him. His paranoia was what made it pretty evident for me that he was up to no good.
5. His Manipulative Personality
My naivety put me in a lot of trouble and I was completely blindfolded because I was madly in love with him. I condoned sure things and whenever he wanted some money to waste away on his useless activities, he just used alibis like, “I need them for a very urgent matter”. For me, money always had a price but no value. I thought I was just helping him out but his deceit was quite blatant to a neutral party.
I did ultimately leave him; however, looking back I just can’t help but laugh at how stupid I was for not realising that he was no good for me or for anyone from the absolute start. Maybe if I had thought about things more thoroughly rather than thinking of them as ‘not a big deal’, I wouldn’t even have had an article to write about.
So ask yourselves, “Is he the one for you?”
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé