It’s a well-known fact that people need people. Forming relationships is a primitive trait and no matter what, even if you’re an introvert, you’re bound to form at least one relationship throughout your life. No one is completely shut-off from the rest of the world.
There are some days when all we want is to be locked up in our rooms, all alone and just think about stuff, but you will have to come out sooner or later and talk about what you thought to someone. Now, if you think about it, a relationship is a fragile thing. Whether they’re your best friends or whether it’s your partner, there are sure things which you can’t say to them or there might be conflicts.
1- “You know I love you, right? But…”
But? But, what? Why is there even a ‘but’ at the end of that sentence? Honestly, if you disagree with something I said or if you disapprove of something, do not begin your statement in such a diplomatic way when you’re just going to bring me down later on.
Truth be told, it’s nice to hear that first part of the sentence and it’s also fine to hear the second part of the sentence because it’s alright to disagree with someone. However, hearing these two parts together in the form of one sentence might just not be the right thing to say.
When you want to disagree, don’t act diplomatic. Just say it like it is otherwise even if you’re saying something for someone’s betterment, it won’t be considered since you masked it in a way to show that you’d be fine with it.В *Continue reading on next page*
2- “They weren’t that good for you anyway”
When your friend or someone you know breaks up with their partner and you’re trying to console them, this might just be the last thing to say to them. Even if it’s the truth.
No matter how you saw their partner; honorable or a douche, they evidently held him or her in high regard since they did form a romantic relationship with that person. More often than not, when someone tells us they’ve broken up with their partner, they aren’t in a place to tell you the whole story or maybe they’re leaving parts out of it out. Whatever the case might be, we don’t know what happened and in our attempts to make them happy, we blurt this out.
The other person isn’t in a place to understand that or maybe later on they think that wasn’t the part they wanted to hear from you. Maybe it was their fault. Try to console them in another way. Disclose them to move on or that it isn’t healthy to constantly think about this and/or cry over them.
3-“That’s not my job”
You know what? You’re absolutely right! It isn’t your job to help me carry all these over there and it most surely isn’t your job to drive me over to the market, however, I’m not asking you for a kidney or your first-born.
Sometimes, even if you don’t want to do something for someone, you need to tell it to them in a way which wouldn’t sound so offensive. In fact, even saying that you’re too tired would be acceptable. Sure the other person would insist for some time but there would reach a point where they’d just realise that maybe you are tired.
If what they’re asking is as small as the examples given, maybe you should do it but then again it’s up to you and if you say no, it’s your choice. Just don’t be mean about it.
4-*mentions something from quite a while ago* “Remember that?”
Okay, look, I might remember that or I might not but why are you bringing that up right now? The only circumstance under which someone says this is to remind us of something embarrassing or to imply that they helped us back then.
I appreciate it, thank you. Is that all? Please don’t mention things that have happened before with no context to the situation at the moment. *Continue reading on next page*
5-“Thanks, I’ll just check with..”
You have literally just checked with me. Check with whoever else you want to because in no way am I saying that my word is the last word. However, at least don’t say that in front of me.
Some people, for instance your parents, would rather that you think of their word as final.
6-“Hey, you actually look nice”
This sentence is a clearly labeled in the “not under any circumstance” cabinet. However, sometimes and often unknowingly, we might say this to someone. If you know someone’s rude and probably said it to hurt you, it doesn’t hurt as bad since you sort of expected that from them but when your close friend, family member of your partner says that then it actually hurts.
You probably didn’t mean it or even realize that you’ve said it but nevertheless, it stays in the other persons head and it might bring about some insecurities.
Sometimes, we just need to keep sure things off-limits. This isn’t just so we won’t hurt their feelings, it’s so that your relationship wouldn’t be put into question.
Talk to me
What other such phrases have created some conflict in your relationship? Let me know in the comments down below!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé