When we got married, I couldn’t have been happier with my life. I had married this strong and independent woman; she was everything a man could want. The way she loved life and was always able to take her decisions made me feel very proud of her. She had the most intense blue eyes; her gaze would often send me in a trance-like state. She loved to party hard and she always knew how to get her way with me.
All my happiness went out the window when I realized, that this relationship was consuming me, my freedom, my money, and my sanity. It was just a matter of time when I fell in love with one of my female friends, love/attraction I don’t exactly know what to call it because I absolutely love her company! Just the other day, I decided to make a list of things that made me cheat on her, here you go!
1. She takes all the decisions and never lets me have my say, just the other day she went on and bought makeup worth around 250 dollars instead of getting the groceries, there was nothing to eat so, after a long day of work I had to go and buy the groceries.
2. She never cooks or cleans; well occasionally, she does make dinner or does the laundry. I have gone over it with her thousands of times that chores are not a one time job, but she never listens! I am always left with extra work!
3. She always takes up more space in the bed and almost pushes me over the edge. It has started to get extremely annoying now, plus she snores like a pig.
4. I once overheard her discussing our private life with one of her friends, yes I have been a little off lately but that doesn’t mean she can go about discussing our private matters with people!
5. She is this whole another person when she is with her family, it’s like I don’t matter or exist! She is just not the same person.
6. She wears the sexiest outfits she has when she goes out with her friends, I mean I am her husband, who does she want to show it off to?
7. She always hangs out with her male friends; whenever I make an issue out of it she snubs me off and tells me that I am a psychopath!
8. She literally never lets me hang out with any of her friends as if she is ashamed of me or something.
9. She never talks about how she feels; living with her is like living with a robot, everything goes great when you are out having dinner or shopping but there is no emotional intimacy between us.
10. She decided to go out of the city for a whole month, without even telling me. I wouldn’t have stopped her or anything but I have the right to know if my wife is going to be away from me for one freaking month.
11. She always makes an issue when I go through her phone, for the love of God, I don’t have trust issues but sometimes, I am just curious.
12. Just a few days before I started cheating on her, she shouted at me in front of all my friends. It was the most gut-wrenching feeling ever. I didn’t feel humiliated, I felt abandoned.
3. She never lets me watch the TV when her favorite shows are on, no matter how essential it might be for me, she simply refuses to hand over the remote.
14. She always puts her needs before mine, she just doesn’t care.
15. She never notices or appreciates when I do something special for her.
16. Could you believe she forgot my birthday?
17. She is verbally abusive; she went off at me for not getting the salad dressing of her choice.
18. She once dropped me off in the middle of the road because of an argument over wall paint. Our house was more than two miles away, I had to walk home.
19. Whenever she goes out with her friends she doesn’t pick my call up all night long, I used to get worried sick! Now I am just used to it.
20. She said she doesn’t want to have kids when I asked her before the wedding she said she is considering it but now she plain refuses. I always wanted to be a father.
21. She often breaks my things in fits of anger during our arguments.
22. The only time she is into me is when she wants to get physical, as soon as that’s over with she is a whole different person.
23. She never hugs me or shows affection; except occasionally, when she feels like it.
24. I feel rejected and insignificant.
25. She has driven away most of my friends because she doesn’t feel they are appropriate.
26. She sometimes pushes me or scratches my arm when I don’t listen.
27. She has dual standards; rules that apply to me don’t apply to her.
28. She often tries to bring me down by implying that she earns more money than I do, even though I spend more on our house than her.
29. She has tried to slap me many times, but I somehow manage to dodge the attempt.
30. She manipulates the love that I have for her and has threatened to leave me many times.
31. She cheated on me once, I am sure she still does.
I felt very satisfied after I was done with all these points, so I decided to go through them one more time. This time I felt appalled and disgusted at myself. How could I have had stooped so low? This is not the kind of man I aspired to be. No matter how petty a person is, no matter how much trauma they put you through, cheating on them is not the answer to anything. Like is not a war, cheating is downright vile and disrespectful. Any person, who cheats, should be ashamed of themselves because they lost every ounce of dignity they ever had, the moment they decide to cheat. No reason is big enough for you to commit such a loathsome act.
I feel awful, I am repulsed and ashamed of my own existence. This is exactly the kind of relationship (In most cases, worse) men all over the world, force millions of women to live, and they do, though hurt and broken but with every ounce of faithfulness, a human could possibly conjure. Instead of cheating on my wife, I should have ended the relationship, because I couldn’t see a future with her.
I am going to tell her the truth today and see if we can sort our differences out. I am already a cheater, better honest than a liar. THE ONLY REASON I CHEATED ON MY WIFE WAS BECAUSE I WASN’T MAN ENOUGH TO FACE THE TRUTH AND ACCEPT IT!
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The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé