Pleased couples are the ones who go through the hardest of times.
Sometimes, we find ourselves looking over at couples who seem to have it all; the perfect life, the perfect aura and the perfect relationship. I realise that the common notion is to not judge a book by its cover since you don’t know what lies in the pages. However, some people just have a genuinely amazing relationship.
Holding in mind that it is a relationship where two separate individuals come to live a life together, there are sure to be some problems and some nights when they go to bed angry or upset. However, sure things such as love and support overshadow all the negatives and they live a happy life we only thought Disney was capable of showing.
Obviously there are sure things which separate a happy couple from a struggling one. These things might seem relatively old to you and you’ll find yourself saying, ‘I already know this. Disclose me something new’, but maybe the fact that all you do is read and not implement them is why your relationship is struggling.
1. Being each other’s support:
Again, you’re probably thinking that this is basic relationship 101, but knowing that you should be their support and actually being their support are two different things. You vow to be there for your partner in ‘sickness or in health’ yet you find yourself getting frustrated sometimes. Don’t just think of a relationship where two people need to support each other as solely being applied to married couples. If you’re in a genuine relationship where you actually have strong feelings for the person and can’t see yourself without them, then it applies to you too.
People have good days, people have bad days. No one, no matter who they might be, can go through life smiling every day. The difference is that some people are more expressive than others and this might be the frustrating part. Hearing them reply with, ‘it’s okay’ or ‘I am fine, I promise’ and then just thinking that if they said it then it must be true.
Just think about it for a second, what led you to ask them whether they were alright or not. A change in behavior? Hearing whispers here and there? You evidently asked since you felt that something was off and when you did, your partner shrugged it off.
If your partner doesn’t want to tell you (yet), then don’t act like there isn’t anything wrong. I’m not saying be nosy or anything, but put in that extra bit of effort you wouldn’t on a normal day just to see them smile again. If they tell you then do things accordingly but if they don’t, don’t push them. Instead, try to show them that you’re there for them. Ultimately, they’ll either tell you what’s wrong or go back to how they were.
2. Quality time:
I’m one of the first people to stand with the statement that a relationship is between two people and not the world i.e. no one should interfere in your relationship. That being said, people will be there. This might sound contradictory to my original statement but I don’t mean people who interfere, I mean people in general. People are in the mix somehow.
If your partner is close to their family, then you should try being close to their family too and vice versa. See, people are there, but the only two people who need to think before they leap are you two. Your days go by like ordinary days: chores, kids, jobs etc. However, in the 24 hours you have, spent at least one with your partner.
Hold some time to focus on just the two of you. It isn’t selfish, it’s beautiful. In this way, you’ll always know what’s going on in your partner’s life. Sometimes it’ll be nothing and sometimes there’ll be something. Whatever it may be, your relationship will grow.
When you’re in a relationship, you aren’t just thinking of yourself anymore. You have a partner who (if the relationship is genuine) becomes an integral part of your life. Hence, you need to work accordingly.
This doesn’t mean that you should put yourself second and them on a pedestal, it means that you need to prioritize. For example; you two are married and you guys share a bank account. You want something but you two NEED something else. Place the need before the want.
Material things are just one example. There are other things as well such as feelings. Never in a million years make your partner feel like they aren’t worth it anymore. This seems so small but trust me, one wrong move and you’ll end up scarring your relationship. Consider twice. Consider carefully. Consider about them.
All in all, a relationship is complicated but if you two work it out, it can be the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to you. You started a relationship based on some factor: their sense of humour, their compassion, their confidence… the list goes on and it differs based on individual preferences.
Your preference caused you to develop romantic feelings towards your partner and if you love him/her, then don’t let petty fights or misunderstandings ruin what you two have. Hold this in mind and you’ll be walking hand in hand for the rest of your lives.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé