Men often accuse women of dating jerks who treat them badly and they still have a soft spot for them. Every person has a dark side for which they want to be loved for. There are flaws in every human that he or she wants to be accepted for.
As it turns out, this dark side always makes people afraid to plunge into relationships or commitment. They fear that they will not be accepted for these flaws by a sane person. We forget that ever person has patches of insanity inscribed in their personality.
At the end of the day, when we see the same shortcomings in another person, we try to fix them and give them acceptance. It’s true;
We accept the love we think we deserve.
Here are some reasons women always go for people who turn out to be terrible boyfriends.
1. Distant, Emotionally-Unavailable Men arouse subjective curiosityВ
It’s human nature to figure people out and distant men always have a story to tell. They are reserved and distant for a reason and women get attracted to that. It arouses this curiosity in them and they want to figure them out without thinking of the aftermath.
Sometimes, this endeavour earns them a person who is worth fighting for and worth their time but sometimes, some men are just not meant for relationships and no matter what you do for them, they will never fall in love with you. They have their own inner being to tend to that will always hurt you.
They will hurt you and no matter how close you get to them, they will always push you away and this leads to a very troubling situation, a situation where you start to blame yourself for their behavior. You start to say that maybe you are not capable to make another person happy and this only leaves you with a tainted past.
As long as you are in a relationship with such a person, you are beguiling yourself into thinking that maybe you are fixing your partner but all you are doing is damaging yourself.
Women feel secure before dating Emotionally Unavailable men
Some women are quite okay with dating emotionally unavailable men and they feel secure around them because they are hesitant in opening up to someone, and distant guys never force you into expressing your feelings. Feelings make them cringe.
Women feel that people who are not distant will always force them into revealing their dark side and they are not okay with someone controlling them. However, sometimes, it so happens that sometimes women fall in love with such emotionally unavailable men and as they’ve opened up to this person or spent time with him, they think that the guy will also reciprocate their love and that isn’t always something that happens.
Ultimately what happens is that they are stuck in a relationship where the love is only one-sided. What started as just a fling turns out to be a depressing commitment. We always see this in the movies how two eccentric people fall in love and everything out pans well in the end, well that doesn’t always happen and then all you are left with is disappointment.
2. Past experiences play a role
We all have a past in which we have been treated badly. I have met people who have had to face atrocities of the highest pedigree at a very small age and the people who have been dubbed as nice in this society have rejected to help them at times like these. They have had no one but themselves to suffer.
This develops a lack of trust in women and they make decisions that don’t turn out well for them because of these trust issues. Whenever they find someone with a scarred past, they can relate to them and think that this person will understand them and that is something that doesn’t always happen.
Women need to understand that everyone has a different personality despite the similarities in their past. Broken people are very hard to be in a relationship because they don’t even trust themselves.
This is one of the most essential points of this article. Self-hatred is something that is taken all so lightly in times like these. It is something that has the power to destroy someone. It is because of this self-hatred; people seclude themselves from the society and wander off to uncharted territories where they think they do not deserve love.
This self-hatred makes people think that they do not deserve someone better because they will never be able to relate to them or that person will never accept them for who they are because no one else does. They underestimate the power of love and let their fear rule over their heads.
What happens is that they always get attracted to men who are social pariahs or have been rejected by this society because somehow they believe that a nice, caring guy can’t see through their thick, coarse outer exterior. He does not have it in him to love the color of your skin or the scars in your past. He is not the antidote and they shouldn’t give a chance to such a person.
We harbor a lot of self-hatred in ourselves and we should always eradicate it from our lives. It is one thing that can destroy our future and make our present a living hell. You cannot expect love from someone when you hate yourself.
You cannot expect someone to love you for who you are when you cannot stare at the person in the mirror and appreciate something beautiful in her. Lastly, you cannot expect to have better people in life that will not hurt your self-esteem and bring down your self-worth when you hate yourself.
4. Women Confuse Originality for rudeness
There is a thin line that separates originality and rudeness. Most people are raw, they will abuse you to your face but they feel bad about it and will apologize to you or make it up to you somehow in their own way. They are blunt and straightforward when it comes to expressing their feelings. These people are termed as original because they speak their mind but they respect the other person enough to say sorry if their words have hurt him or her.
However, there is another type. These people will make you feel bad about yourself by being totally blunt and will pass racist comments and deprecating words and they will not even bother to apologize to you.
Some women get attracted to these kinds of men because they think that they are extremely raw and original. They do not show any signs of banality. However, they are not ready to face the consequences of their choice when the same thing comes on to them.
When a man abuses someone in public or is rude to someone, it might seem somewhat attractive to women but when the same thing happens to them, they will feel like a victim. It’s better to make a wise choice at the start than to feel sorry for yourself during a relationship because at that point you can’t do much to fix things.
5. Some men are just good at fooling women
Some men have these perfectly crafted masquerades. They will act all fake to impress the other gender and they will be totally different people around women just to sleep with them to quench their sexual thirst. This will dupe women into thinking that they harbor some sort of love for them but the truth is quite contrary to that. They are just making fools out of women and they are not even sorry for what they are doing. Sometimes women who are guarded and have strong crenelations built around them can fall to their traps because they have planned for every women out there.
Sometimes, it’s not the woman’s fault at all. It’s just how some men are. They are conniving and cunning and it’s hard to get a safe passage from them. Such men always have a bad reputation in the indigenous area but somehow they will always coax you into thinking that they will somehow get better when you are with them. They will make you believe that you have the power to heal them but it’s just their mind games and nothing else.
6. Women feel pressured from the talks of society
Some women have had relationships with men of the opposite type compared with the ones that are a subject of this article.
They might have been too sensitive or too caring; too clingy or too impulsive when it came to making long-lasting decisions concerning the relationships. Too much of anything, , is unhealthy to a person on an individualistic as well as a committed state.
Being in a relationship with a man like scares the woman away. And not only that, but they both end up wanting different things. He might want to get married soon and settle in some faraway place and start a family together, while she would want to take things slow.
He might want to make her meet his family a week into the relationship while she just wants to know him more first. All such factors accumulate to women shying away from men of such a disposition.
And so, society tells them they need to be with someone who is the entire opposite of these sort of men; someone who is not so much sensitive, is careless about most things that matter and so forth. Due to the pressure from family and friends, women decide to give it a shot dating a guy who seems careless, way too insensitive and does not care what the woman wants вЂ“ neither for short or long-term in the relationship.
Being with someone like this does not work out for women either. You cannot be with someone who cares so much that they worry, or someone who doesn’t care at all. That is when women realize that they ought to be with a man who’s unlike both these extremes, and what society says doesn’t matter because only women know how they truly feel. They should therefore go for a man who follows the middle path.
7. Depraved is the new cool
Today being bad is viewed as the new вЂcool’ and some women think dating a guy who’s otherwise not so good вЂ“ drinks, cheats and is not a good partner to his woman at all. Droping for such stereotypical men turns out to be disadvantageous for women and they realize dating someone like that is just not good for them.
Talk to me
What are your own thoughts on the matter? Let me know in the comments down below!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé