We wonder what went wrong every time something goes wrong, we revisit the events in our memories looking for flaws, counting the number of times we must have said something or done something wrong that brought us where we are, and we do it for days after something goes wrong. These moments of reminiscing come attached to pain, regret and hopeless sadness because that is how human hearts work.
Our attachment to a being, when broken or pulled away by the other end of the cord, comes with great gusts of heartache and wonderment. Especially when our heart is immersed in love; love for their existence, their presence and everything that has to do with them; tearing it free of the emotions gets as difficult as pulling dust from cotton. While revisiting the events and identifying the past potential mistakes, we associate most of them with ourselves.
We play the blame game but only competing with ourselves; all the little fights and all the moody days seem to be the result of our own wrongdoings, our bad decisions.
Were You Really At Fault?
It takes days for us to extrapolate the events in order to comfort or trouble ourselves even more. Considering about what happened does bring pain but it has to be done to answer all the questions our heart asks, for the explanation it needs.
The guy who left, the guy who seemed to be in love as much as you were, was he done with you because you had the annoying habit of walking with his hand in yours? Or was it the way you hugged him after work? Or, it could have been your constant I LOVE YOUs that annoyed him, those daily morning texts.
Before you ask yourself all those questions while revisiting, stop for a moment. If not before then after you are done playing the blame game with yourself, stop and think if it was his lack of love that brought you where you are, think if it was your fault or not at all.
Try replacing me’ with him’ in your questions. Was it him who did not like being seen walking with his hand in yours? Was it him who never actually liked you hugging him? Was it his lack of love for you that he often forgot to say his I LOVE YOU TOOs? And, is it exactly why he barely ever texted you in the morning? Inquire yourself, were you at fault? – Continue reading on next page
When you ask yourself all those questions, replacing me’ with him’, you only get stuck on one last question: Why, possibly? and your mind jumps here and there not being able find an answer. You just cannot imagine why would he be the one at fault, the one to say he loved you, the one who lied? All the lies that sounded so beautiful, the ones you fell for, the ones that made you give yourself away to him, all those lies come back to haunt you without any answer to Why, possibly?
The answer is not impossible to find because it is right there. The answer lies within the most basic lies he told you, the ones like I love you just as much as you do.
He did not love you as much as you did; he was not in love as deep as you were. He left without turning around even once because he did not care about what he was leaving you to, where your life would be when he is gone. Like makes us imagine the impossible, so should pain. Pain and heartache must be catalysts in making us realize that it was not us who made mistakes and ruined the relationship, but it was he, who left without making efforts to handle what was going wrong, if anything ever was.В – Continue reading on next page
It should not take us long to stop blaming ourselves for doing just the right things and start realizing that their love was never as true as they said it was. People leave because they see very little or no reasons to stay, and if they see no reason to stay and to try to make things better, they are evidently not into it.
Smile Now That He’s gone
About the guy who was not in love as deep as you were: he never considered you precious and never thought about giving you all the love in the world, which is exactly what you deserve, so smile now that he is gone. Smile because you discovered the lie, smile because he did not stay long enough to damage you completely, smile because he left early enough to make you realize that he was not in love.
Your life may stop for some time when he is gone and you may cry day and night, but once you realize that it was the liar who was at fault and not you, do not let your life stop and stop crying, for once and for all. He could not have done you any better than to keep you in the dark for longer, making you fall deeper in love and then leaving you dry and alone. Because it ended on time, smile.
Forget, if not forgive; burn all the ships and walk away from the wreckage as if you never knew anything on the shore existed in the first place. Walk away, and never think about the guy who was not in love as deep as you were.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé