We have always been told that there are always two sides to every coin; that is, everything has a good side and a bad side. So why would relationships be any different? Positivity can be derived from even the horrible of life experiences and tragediesso why would breakups and being cheated on in a relationship be any different?
Mostly when we hear the phrase he cheated on me,’ what comes to mind is all negative: sleepless nights spent crying on the kitchen floor for him, heartbreak, disappointment and the list goes on. But when you come to think of it, there are quite a few, if not many, things you get to learn about yourself, love and relationships in general after you are cheated on and have to suffer through a bad breakup.
The impending doom overtakes the best of you, making you unconscious of the good that can come out from such an experience. Simply put, positivity can be seen in every aspect of life if only you look close enough.
So here are a couple of essential things you would not have learned, had your partner not cheated on you.
If such a thing as soul mates exist, they are your friends
We are made to believe that a soul mate is someone who loves us unconditionally, or something of the likes; viewpoints tend to differ after all. But it’s more than that. Rather, soul mates are those angels born without wings in your life that transform your heart the most even at a time when you have less of a heart and more of a ripped bag of emotions in its place.
Your friends have that effect more than anyone else. When you’re cheated on or your partner breaks up with you, who takes you out for a fun night, or comes over and cooks you your favorite meal, or does a whole bunch of other unusual stuff just to cheer you up, stuff they don’t normally do in their everyday life? Your friends. So when he/she cheats on you, look around you.
All is not lost; all is never lost. It’s just that, when one door closes, we look so longingly at it hence missing the other doors that open for us in its place. They have smiling faces and open arms welcoming you at all times. No matter how harsh the cheating and the breakup goes, never forget the worth of your friends over some guy/girl. The latter will leave you but not your friendsnot true friends anyway.
The only person who understands your feelings is you
You will get to hears loads of comforting words from friends and family after your partner cheats on you. They will be at your side 24/7, giving you heavy pep talks and assuring you that everything will be alright. Despite all the support, nobody will be able to nor can predict how you actually feel now, do they?
No one but yourself. Human emotions change like the sky’s color. Just because you have feelings now does not mean you will not wake up tomorrow and feel the same, what if you don’t? Point is, nothing is given. And that is how you will come to learn that alongside the loss, your future is unpredictable, but that’s okay. The fear of the unknown will be replaced with curiosity and excitement to know that unknown.
Just because the love didn’t last, didn’t make it any less real
Sometimes, when people grow, they grow apartthis is as true as it gets. You have to realize that just because you and your ex had a lot of love going on between you two, and just because you might have thought they were the one that does not mean they were the one for all of eternity; as long as you’re alive. Sure, you might have loved them a lot, but it was a moment in time.
Not all of time. So because the love did not last forever, it does not mean the times you did have with them were unreal. Not everything that has to be long-lasting in order for it to be real and meaningful.
When they stop making a difference in your life, leaving is the right choice
Most of our stay in another’s life is very temporary. It should be headed towards making a difference in that life. So when someone stops to make that difference in your life; serving their true purpose in your life or not realizing what that purpose is to begin with they should and will leave. It will be ugly to deal with, no doubt. But in the long run of things, it will be better. Otherwise, their presence in your life is going to be nothing but a burden. Coming to such a realization is best done after something like being cheated on happens to you. Once you learn to look past the pain and disappointment, you will come to know that indeed, your special someone had stopped making that unique difference in life and them moving out of your life will work out for the best anyway.
You have your own baggage to carry, so why carry theirs when they don’t stay loyal to you?
Regret is a useless emotion
There was never any use crying over spilt milk, nor is there ever going to be. Knowing that you have been lied to and cheated on, it is only natural that you will feel resentment over your ex as well as the other person with whom they cheated on you.
You will regret a lot of things: happy moments spent with your ex; presents you got for them; sacrifices you made to keep them satisfied; all that you have to give up and change about yourself just for their sake and so on. You will look on in envy at the one your partner cheated on you with. But none of that will help you feel any better, now will it?
Therefore, what you will come to learn is that there is no use regretting over the past. Rather, you should look at all those memories and smile you got a chance to make them in the first place something is always better than nothing after all. To regret memories is trying to delete a happy time in your life. So just because it ended badly does not mean everything you had with your ex was bad. Be happy it happened more than sad that it ended.
Not every person you lose is a loss
When you hear the term loss, most of us associate something negative with it, don’t we? But why be so quick to judge? There is always more than meets the eye. That more’ of everything mostly lies beneath the thick surface, where only a few are willing to venture.
The truth which you will come to learn from those depths is that, not everyone you lose in life is a loss. The whole drama and sadness from the experience itself clouds our judgement to see beyond the loss, heartbreak and everything in between. We fail to realize that losing someone can be a blessing or a lesson. What if staying with your ex meant worse things for you? In that case, you will realize that it is a lesson learned to lose a person like that. A lesson which will teach you a whole lot more about love, relationships and life in general.
Expectations are more toxic than you officially realize
So you gave your all to your ex. It was only natural that you started to develop some expectations from them in return. After all, when you do so much for someone, you would want them to do something in return for you as wellexcept in the case when you are a very selfless saint. Even then, you cannot completely stop the seeds of expectations from growing inside you.
You will truly understand the significance of expectations from someone when they are not met, when someone breaks your heart by cheating on you. Such an experience will make you see that doing good for someone no matter how much you love them does not imply that they are entitled to do the same for you. In the heat of the moment, this simple fact might not stay in your mind, which is totally understandable. But after all has been said and done, you cannot help but feel a tiny flicker of expectation from your partner. When they cheat on you, this is the lesson you will learn: never develop any expectations from someone you know you can lose.
They are allowed mistakes, because they are just as human as you are. Therefore, it is best to be good and do good, spread love and receive it well without asking for anything in return when you very well know the other person has the power to disappoint you.
Talk to me
Acquire you been cheated on? I know I have, and it hurt more than anything else. How long did you take to recover and how did it feel? Let me know in the comments below!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé