Disagreements don’t cause disunity, a lack of forgiveness does’
В Loren Cunningham
The only way to not argue with someone is to keep away from the difficult conversations. But, difficult as they may be, they are equally essential. You might not like what you both have to say about it, and furthermore, might be on a completely different page than each other. The thing to understand is that you don’t have to agree with each other, but you have to accept each other’s opinions at all costs. Don’t ruin a good thing over disagreements. Even if you’re not so good at dealing with them delicately, here are a few things that could help you;
They’re both accountable
Don’t be placing blames on each other for everything that ever goes wrong. It takes two to make things work, but at the same time, it also takes two to ruin them. Whatever it is, you’re both in it together and you’re both responsible for it. Only when you take responsibility for your relationship, you’ll be able to rise above any differences you have and try working things out.
They both want to work it out, in the best possible way
So there are a couple of ways you could do this. Firstly, you could act oblivious to the whole thing and never talk about it, and if your partner brings it up, you talk yourself out of it. Secondly, hold them responsible for the mess you’re both in and act the victim. Finally, work through it, maturely.
The first one would lead to repressed emotions, frustration and anger, which would inevitably erupt like a volcano at the worst possible time. The second one again is going to do more bad than good. That leaves the third one, which is in fact the best available option. If you want to make it last, you’re both going to have to make a few sacrifices. Talk it out. Be as patient and understanding as you can be of each other. Your choice of words and even the tone of your voice can make a tremendous difference.
They focus on the argument, and not on each other’s flaws
It’s very easy to lose focus and trail off in a completely different direction during an argument. You might start with the intention of talking about the problem itself, but you may shift to accusing each other in no time. As hard as it may be, don’t attack each other. The argument is the problem, not the two of you. And if you attack each other, the argument won’t be settled, rather, you’d have more of them. So, your priority should be fixing the problem, not fixing each other!
They use words (a lot of them) to communicate
No, they’re not capable of reading your mind, so stop expecting them to do so. And you can’t do it either for that matter. Don’t try to read into what they say, when there is no deep, hidden meaning. If there’s something you’d like them to know, say it. If it’s something they might not particularly want to hear, say it differently, but do tell them. Bottled up emotions, feelings or thoughts always surface at some point or another. So make it a point to talk to each other, without any distractions and with an open mind and heart. Also, be an attentive listener. And you’re not always expected to respond; sometimes all they want from you is to listen.
They do not hurt each other’s self-esteem
Your partner may already be aware of the fact that they’re on the wrong. Don’t rub it in their face. You’re not going to feel better by insulting them or making them think also little of themselves. We all make mistakes right? Would you like to pay for them with your dignity? No one would. Even during arguments, you’re still a couple, and you’re supposed to protect each other’s dignity as well. If they’ve done something wrong, out of a foul mood, or tiredness or any other reason, allow them to phase out of it first. You won’t even need to point out what they’ve done wrong then. They might even talk to you about it, apologize and make up for it. But don’t shame them into doing any of this.
They know that true love requires sacrifice
Nothing worth having ever comes easy. It’s especially true for relationships. Things aren’t always going to be the way you want them. But you have to work through them to enjoy the good parts. You’re going to have to make a LOT of, often difficult, sacrifices. It may not be also easy at the beginning, but if their happiness matters to you, you’ll willingly do it. Placing the person you love, above your own needs, is something very special. If you’re willing to do it, there’s no better way of showing love.
They agree to disagree
Loving someone means accepting them for who they’re and never trying to change them in any way. It does sound good in theory, but it’s not so easy to live by. Disagreements show just how difficult it is for two people to accept their differences. But happy couples realize that these differences do not trump the one thing they have in common, their feelings towards each other. For the sake of this love, they’re willing to accept these differences and even appreciate them.
An argument never ends a relationship, unless you choose otherwise. It depends on how you deal with it. So make the right choices and the disagreements will prove to make your relationship even better. When you provide each other enough comfort to be yourself completely, even with all your differences, your relationship is never going to be threatened by any disagreements then. You’d simply accept them for what they’re.
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How do you deal with disagreements in your relationship? How have they affected your relationship? Let us know!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé