What is Infatuation?
Infatuation is when you are unable to put yourself to sleep at night because you become obsessed with his warm, raspy voice or her smile that branded your soul when you walked past her. Having developed an infatuation with another person consists of a short-lived admiration for someone. The distinction between love and infatuation clearly shows how pretending to be in love could eventually take a toll on your emotional well-being as you finally come to terms with how you developed strong feelings for someone who hadn’t invested himself/herself fully in the relationship.
12 Signs to Check for Infatuation
1. You place them on a pedestal
One of the signs that determine that you are not in love with the person is when you hold them in high regard by turning a blind eye towards their weaknesses. When you are infatuated with another person, you are not able to see through the persona that they have created to hide behind in order to protect themselves from the horrors of the world. In contrast, love is when you move past the attraction phase and you are able to see past the façade that the other person created.
2. You think you know them but you don’t
You might feel like you know this person but instead what you know about them is not enough. Your infatuated self becomes also focused on making them like you or notice you. Another reason why you might feel like you know them is because you live off of your imagination where you will have created a perfect version of the other person.
3. You want a picture-perfect fairytale
Love is different from infatuation on many different levels as love enables the couple to surpass any hurdle that’s thrown their way. However, a clear sign that you are not in love with the other person is when you desire a picture-perfect relationship with no hindrances whatsoever. This reaches a point where you are so fixated on making sure that nothing ruins your relationship that you choose to ignore the reality of the situation.
4. You suddenly lose interest
Reality comes crashing down in short-term relationships as the illusion that either of the person made in their minds doesn’t turn out to be true at the end. When you tend to ignore what the other person is like, you become obsessed with the adulation that sends the nerves dancing in your spine. Having said that, when your partner begins to open up and portrays his/her real self so you suddenly lose interest as you realize that this person is not what you thought they would be like. In comparison to infatuation, when a couple is in love they show an interest and a sense of eagerness to know why the person behaves in a particular way as acknowledging the fact that each person’s character is carved by their experiences and upbringing is the first step that enables the couple to accept the flaws of the other person.
5. You feel disconnected and alone
At times, what one needs is someone who can support and understand them despite how absurd the situation may seem to them. Having a shoulder to cry on when you need it the most will give you the energy to trudge forward when you barely have the motivation to get out of bed in the morning. When you are infatuated with a person, you may feel stuck at a particular point because there’s no apparent connection that binds the relationship. This will further sever the ties between the two of you as feelings of being unloved may rise to the surface.
6. You always flirt
Day-to-day conversations may be filled by either of the person complimenting the other or making futile attempts to stroke the other person’s ego. Continuous flirtation will eventually push one person to fall out of character as they may then begin to lose interest in the relationship as a whole. As opposed to infatuation, love consists of finding the other person attractive regardless of the activity that they are doing which could be as simple as someone talking about laundry.
7. You become desperate
Infatuation is about wanting things from your partner and the relationship immediately. You have a sudden urge to move things forward as your relationship stands on the insecurity of things ending also soon.
8. You are not yourself
Relationships involve regularly spending time with your partner and pretending to be someone you are not can emotionally drain you at a sure point in time. The constant fear that one grips onto as one is afraid that their partner might find out who they truly are can be stressful. Laying the foundation of a relationship based on false assumptions can lead to fallacious expectations about the other person. These false presumptions will eventually lead to trust issues which can damage the relationship. Similarly, not believing that someone will like you for what you truly are as a person can foster insecurities in the long term which can lead to many problems. The sole difference between infatuation and love is that love requires the other person to accept who you are as a person rather than falling in love with an idea of a person who only exists inside your head.
9. Lust overpowers other emotions
One red flag that should not be ignored is the way that the two of you spend time with each other. If more time is dedicated to your sex life rather than getting to know each other, this might translate to you being more sexually attracted to that person rather than wanting to spend quality time with them.
10. You constantly feel tired
Constantly masking your personality and preferences while making an effort to be someone you are not sucking the energy out of you which might affect other aspects of your daily life. This might cause the person to leave their partner as they might feel they are stuck in a relationship where all their energy is drained.
11. You are also focused on what you want from your partner and the relationship
A healthy relationship requires both people to consider the things that not only make their partners happy but also something that makes them content with the relationship. The best-case scenario involves both people wishing for the same thing, however, if this is not the case then the couple needs to find a common ground through a simple strategy of communication and compromise. If the wishes of only one partner are taken into account then the other person might not consider prioritizing their own feelings as they might feel compelled to make the other person happy. This however could lead a never-ending loop of putting the other person’s happiness above your own, leaving the other person unsatisfied in the relationship. That partner might then feel neglected as they continue to distance themselves from the other person, harboring feelings of resentment over the years.
12. You do whatever they ask you to do
Listening to your partner and doing what they want you to do to make them happy is an essential part of a relationship; however, just like questioning everything your partner wants you to do is a bad thing, similarly blindly doing everything your partner wants you to do can also be a matter of concern. Your partner might eventually get used to everything being done their way which might make them feel entitled to sure things. This might also include completely disregarding the fact that sometimes the other person might not be comfortable doing sure stuff which will eventually push the other person away.
Tests to Check for Infatuation
The test of time
The test of focus
The test of security
The test of knowledge
Break Free from Infatuation
Get infatuation out of your system
Realigning yourself with reality and taking it upon yourself to seek closure in any future romantic endeavor is the key to leaving infatuation behind.
Getting back to reality by analyzing the other person’s faults.
Distracting yourself by keeping yourself busy in things that you previously enjoyed doing.
Getting a third person’s perspective will help you move on as they might point out how senseless the relationship was in the first place.
Understand their silence is a means of showing their lack of interest in you as a person. This will immediately put an end to any false hope that may still be left.
How to get your Family or Friends to Snap out of Infatuation
You need to sit them down and logically explain the reason behind the conversation while keeping in mind that the other person has turned a blind eye towards the risk that’s involved. Making sure that they know that you are doing this out of good intentions is also very essential as they might not listen to you otherwise.
Overall, there are sure signs that help you distinguish between love and infatuation which might save you the embarrassment of going after someone who barely shows any interest in your personal life. You should save yourself from the misery before it gets also dark and you’re in also deep by knowing and checking for these 12 signs every now and then!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé