Nobody likes someone who is always available. Where’s the fun in that? No matter how much you want to spend time with your partner, being also available can have its downfalls.
If you are also available, you may seem needy, like you don’t have a life of your own—which may put you at risk for being taken for granted. The old strategy of “playing hard to get” comes into effect a little bit when it comes to availability; less is usually more.
The chase is part of human nature. Everybody loves the act of trying to “get” someone. If they know they’ve already got you and can have you whenever they please, the interest goes away fairly quickly.
Usually, this isn’t very hard to discover, because there are a lot of signs that you’re way also available. Here are some of the signs you should take note of:
1 “Yes” frequents your vocabulary
If you’re constantly saying yes to everything your new squeeze asks or wants to do, then you’re also available. Don’t you have your own plans? Don’t you just want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie, instead of going to some lame car show?
2 You immediately reply to any call or text
Umm…you’re in the shower. You should not be texting back if you’re in the shower. This is a big sign that you’re also available. It’s okay to reply right away if you’re not busy with anything, but if you’re in the middle of getting your teeth cleaned at the dentist and have to spit on your hygienist in order to communicate, you’ve got issues.
3 You apologize for missing texts/calls
The second you see a missed call because you were in a meeting or even just taking a quick nap, do you call back and immediately start apologizing and explaining yourself? Honestly, this sounds more desperate than you being nice. Instead, say a quick, “Oh sorry, what did you need?” It makes you much more mysterious and actually makes it seem like you have a life outside of your significant other.
4 You initiate most of the conversations
Texting him multiple times a day and chatting about his day seems not only also available, but slightly desperate as well. If you’re busy with your own life—as you should be—then you shouldn’t have time to text 50 times a day.
5 You accept last minute dates
It’s Friday night at 4 PM, and he calls *which you pick up on the first ring, of course* and asks if you want to do dinner at 6. Even though you already threw in a pizza and had prepared to lie on the couch *in PJs, stuffing your face* you excitedly say, “Of course,” turn off the oven, and head straight to the shower. This is surely a sign that you’re way also available.
6 You let them reschedule last minute
On the other hand, perhaps it’s 6 PM and you’re freshly showered but get a text saying something “came up.” Now you’re left to change BACK into your PJs and try to down a half-cooked pizza.
Yeah, it’s no fun, but you graciously reply back *immediately, I may add*, “No biggie!” and get on with your boring night. Letting your significant other reschedule things at the last minute without fuss doesn’t mean you’re “understanding.” It means you’re also available and don’t mind the random shift in plans. Let him know his canceled plans are off-putting; you are not a doormat.
7 You cancel plans with your friends when they want to do something
I’m extremely guilty of this one, but it’s inexcusable. When you cancel plans you’ve made with your friends just because your partner wants to do lunch, it’s a sure sign you’re also available. Telling them no every once in a while is okay. In fact, it’s a good thing!
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé