What Do People Usually Do When They Find Out Their Partner Is Cheating?
Betrayals always hurt the most in a relationship. Finding out your partner cheating on you is the hardest thing to accept because you are always wondering why they would cheat on you. You have to make peace with the fact that it’s not always about you. Cheaters will cheat. Maybe it’s because of who they were at the time. Everyone is capable of change, as hard as it may seem.
Dealing with a cheater is hard. Obviously there’s still love, but you are not sure how to go on anymore. For most people, the best thing to do is to leave after finding out their partner has cheated. For them, once the trust is broken, it’s hard to make amends. You will go around thinking your partner is going to cheat on you again so the most civilized way is just to part ways.
For others, a long trip abroad helps. Being in a different environment helps put things into perspective and it’s easier to move on. And of course, talking to friends and family help tremendously. They will always be here for you no matter what and it’s going to be good for your mental health to be around people you feel safe with.
How Do I Process This Heavy Fact That My Partner Cheated On Me?
Remember, always put your well-being first. Your partner didn’t cheat because you did something wrong. He cheated because he cheated, period. You shouldn’t delve into the rabbit hole of how you made this happen. Rather, focus on how to deal and how to add value to yourself.
Then, think logically if you want to give him a second chance. If you still love him and if you can still treat him like nothing happened. The evaluation process is gradual and you can’t force yourself.
Do People Actually Get Back Together?
Yes. A lot of people do get back together after one partner cheated on the other. Some went through the breakup phase and decided to give it another chance while some others never broke up over it. As sad as it may sound, many choose to get back together due to realistic factors rather than love. Some because they have kids together so, for the children, they want to give it another chance. For some others, they feel they have been together for so long, they would rather give this another try than to go back into the pool.
For some others, the time spent apart solidified their love and made them realize how much they love each other. There’s nothing love can’t conquer. That’s why they decided to get back together. It’s very sweet when that happens. It takes a lot to forgive a cheater and many only see this after being separated from one.
7 Signs I Should Give Our Relationship A Second Shot
1. He is guilt-ridden with what he did
There’s no excuse for cheating, there’s none. However, one can still feel remorse and guilt-ridden over their decisions. If they do, it means they played with the fire and deeply regrets it. What you need to do is to tell if they are just sorry they got caught or if they are sorry for what they did.
The easiest way to tell is to see if he is only upset when there’s a crowd. If he is only upset when someone’s watching, it’s very likely he is putting on a show because he feels stupid he got caught. He is not sorry for what he did.
On the other hand, if there’s a dark cloud above him. He isn’t socializing with friends and barely eating and sleeping well. You can tell he knows how much he screwed up. He is very regretful and realized what a stupid mistake he made. There’s always a chance to fix things if he is truly sorry for what happened.
2. He is very apologetic and doesn’t blame you
What’s worse than having your partner cheat on you is have them say it’s your fault. “Oh, I cheated because you weren’t giving me enough attention” or “you stopped trying to look attractive so naturally I couldn’t resist”. If anyone ever blames you for their mistake, it’s a solid cue that it’s your exit time. Don’t even waste one more breath on them.
On the other hand, he can be very apologetic and takes full blame, as he should. After all, he was the one that cheated. He’s apologizing and doesn’t shift the blame onto you tells you he understands how much he has hurt you and he takes full responsibility for it. That could be a good sign because he takes full responsibility and usually that means he will do his very best to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
3. He puts in an effort to win you back
You can see him putting in the effort he normally wouldn’t. He is texting you every day to see how you are doing. Bringing your flowers and taking you to nice places. He is giving you everything you want. The effort he is putting in shows how much he is willing to change for you and that he doesn’t want to lose you. Cheating is a horrible thing to do but if he is putting in the effort. You can tell that he wants you and this time, maybe he will do everything to keep you here.
4. He keeps everything at home after you left
Not changing anything means he is hoping that you would come back and show other ladies that he is with someone still. This territorial mark could mean significantly because he doesn’t want to move on without you and leaving your things there show he is willing to reject other girls for you.
5. He still puts on his wedding ring
If you’re married and he doesn’t take off his wedding ring after you left, he is trying to win you back. He is showing other girls he is taken and he wants to keep you around. A wedding ring is a big deal. He is not eagerly trying to take it off and meet the next hot chick. He is waiting for you to come back and you might think about that because if he is waiting long enough, he is determined.
6. He buys you an expensive gift
Money isn’t the benchmark of things but if he is willing to buy you something expensive, it shows how sorry he is in a sense. No one will invest in a beach house under your name if they aren’t trying to tell you they are sorry. You can decide if you can feel how sincere he is and how much you want to give it another try. Sometimes, an expensive gift can tell you how much you mean to him.
7. He listens to you and cuts out all the girls he flirted with
Some cheaters even after they get caught, they would still be talking to their partner and mistresses at the same time to keep their options open. Amidst the unsurety of whether you will take him back, him cutting all others off shows you his determination to have just you in his life. That’s a bold move and shows a lot of character and that he is willing to change. You evidently mean the most to him.
How Does It Change For Couples Who Got Back Together After Someone Cheated?
Like a rose with thorn, there’s always going to be that sting. Getting cheated on is not something you’d forget. That’s why for many couples, they hit roadblocks because every time they fight, someone pulls out the cheater card and pretty much leaves the other person nothing.
In that case, it’s unhealthy because of the vindictive nature. If you choose to forgive, you forgive and not bring it up every time. If you do, chances are, this time your partner is going to leave you because you evidently haven’t forgiven him.
For those that can forgive, their relationship becomes stronger than ever because of the shit storm you have sailed through. It will only make your relationship more unbreakable.
Whatever Happens, It’s Still Your Choice, And It’s Okay Either Way
Remember, you are not obligated to forgive anyone under any circumstances. One can apologise but it doesn’t warrant automatic forgiveness. So, if you feel it’s not time to forgive, don’t. Take some time off and spend some time apart until you can figure yourself out. With time, it will be easier to see if you want to be with him or not. Granting forgiveness on such an issues is difficult. You are in no rush to decide.
Figure out yourself and undersand what you want. Put your happiness first. Never feel pressured to forgive him because of things he does for you. Think for yourself if it’s a good idea to be back with him. Do it for yourself and not for him.
Getting cheated on is many people’s worst nightmare. No one wants to go through this but if it does happen. Evaluate yourself and see what options are there for you. Don’t be ashamed to discuss it with your trusted friends. People are capable of change and he can indeed change. But in the end, that doesn’t mean you need to be back with him. It’s your decision and you should be comfortable with whatever you decide.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé