How Important is Sexual Intimacy in a Relationship?
Marriage could be a great experience if both you and your husband want the same things. It can also turn very difficult especially if you’re having trouble because there’s no more sexual intimacy between you two. Do you have questioned this? How essential is sexual intimacy in your relationship? Do you think this is the root of your marital problems? Before we answer this question, you need to know that there’s a difference between intimacy and sex. In a relationship, you can be intimate without being sexual, however, you can have great sex with your husband without being intimate. Does this make sense to you?
Intimacy goes beyond having great sex with your husband, it’s about being open and comfortable with him, it’s about being vulnerable, Some couples love each other very much but their intimacy level is not on the same level, and for things to work out in the long run, you need this closeness. Sex in marriage is essential, of course, but it needs that intimate component because that’s what creates a bond between you and your husband.
Here are some reasons why sexual intimacy is essential.
It brings you closer together
You’re not just having sex with your husband, you’re making love. This means that after all the fireworks, you’re going to feel physically and emotionally satisfied. It connects you on a different level and it brings you closer.
It builds trust
Letting yourself be vulnerable during your time together lets your husband know that you trust him enough to show yourself just as you are and gives him the confidence to do the same for you.
It helps you work as a team
There are three components of a good marriage. You’ll need cooperation, communication, and compromise. Sexual intimacy allows you to achieve all three because you’re both on a mission to enjoy and pleasure each other, and for this to happen you need to communicate openly and be kind to each other.
8 Reasons Your Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You Anymore
Are you experiencing marital problems? Is one of them that your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore? Are you feeling frustrated and hurt because your husband seems to have lost interest in sex? The first thing you can do is not take it personally, there could be many reasons why he doesn’t want sex as much or at all. Don’t jump to the worst possible conclusion, like you’re not attractive to him anymore or that he’s having an affair. Society has made us think that if a man doesn’t want to have sex anymore something is truly wrong, this is a misconception.
The truth is sexual intimacy can change over the course of any long-term relationship and that’s totally normal. There are many reasons for this to happen, here are 8 possible ones. Don’t be a victim here, learn about them so you can do something to reignite things with your husband.
1. His priorities have changed
Marriage life can get hectic, what with all that goes on. Work, kids, social life… the result of this could be that sex hit the backburner. Once he gets home from work, he may not be in the mood to initiate sex with you, he may only want to get some sleep. The fact is that once you’re married, sex is no longer a novelty. His focus shift as well as his priorities. You may be having some sex, but his focus now is more on work because now he has a family to support.
2. Low levels of testosterone
Testosterone levels decline with age after the age of 30 (as rapidly as 04. to 2% annually), according to a recent review published by Urology. Plus, 13% of the male population in the U.S has hypogonadism (a failure to produce enough testosterone). Low libido is just one symptom of low testosterone, other symptoms include decreased energy, low mood, fatigue, and even erectile dysfunction.
3. Your marriage has become platonic
You’ve been married for 30, 20, or even 5 years so things have become familiar. You two have a routine now and your marriage and dynamic as a couple has become comfortable. Don’t get us wrong, this is great but, for some men, that’s not conducive to great sex life. All this familiarity makes for a platonic marriage where he’s not feeling aroused.
4. He’s experiencing male menopause
Yes, this happens to men also. Medically, male menopause is referred to as andropause and is described as the age-related decrease of testosterone levels in men. The changes in his body are not as sudden or as intense as what a woman faces during menopause, though. But he may now not notice if you’re wearing a new skirt while before he couldn’t wait to tear off your clothes. This is a physical condition, not a psychological one.
5. He’s stressed
It’s inevitable and naive to think that during the course of marriage you won’t have difficult and stressful situations. There are two possible stress sources: money and job security. If he was fired, romance is the last thing on his mind. All the little arguments you’ve been having about money or job security, are common but they also could add up over time and are now affecting sexual intimacy and desire on his part.
6. He’s not comfortable now initiating sex
Some men are not that sexual, believe it or not. You may be the one always initiating sex so it hurts when he’s not taking the initiative but it has nothing to do with you. He’s just uncomfortable initiating sex now that you’re married, he may have done it when you started dating or early in the marriage (because of the social norm) but now, not so much. It’s just not him.
7. He may have a health condition
His lack of desire to have sex with you may be due to a health condition such as diabetes, prostate cancer, or heart disease. Diabetes can actually accelerate the sexual decline in men because blood vessels and nerves can be damaged by the effects of high blood glucose or blood sugar.
8. He’s doing fine on his own
This is something you don’t want to hear but it could be happening. Your husband is spending a lot of time with himself masturbating than sharing that pleasure with you. This happens because he doesn’t want to “negotiate” sex with you so he’s taking matters into his own hands (literally).
What Can I Do to Reinvigorate Our Sexual Intimacy?
As stated before, if your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore don’t take it personally. The reasons for him not wanting sexual intimacy with you may have nothing to do with you. However, it doesn’t mean that you can’t try to get to the bottom of it so you can reinvigorate your sexual intimacy. Here are some suggestions.
Schedule your sexy encounters
Life has gotten hectic with the kids and his work, so sex is not even on his agenda right now. Spontaneity is out the door for now so it’s up to you to get him in the mood and start planning sex into your week. This may sound weird at first but if you’re planning everything else in your life why not plan when you’re having sex also? Set a date with you hubby for Saturday night and stick to it.
Encourage him to see a physician
If you suspect that his low libido could be related to some medical condition you should encourage him to see a physician. It may turn out a condition that has a simple solution so you can slowly reinvigorate your sexual intimacy. It may turn out to be something serious like a heart condition and it could be diagnosed on time. Either way, you’ll be looking out for him.
Make him feel safe and cherished
He’s navigating some stressful times at work so you need to find a place and a time to talk to your husband so he can unburden and tell you what’s happening. You need to make him feel safe and cherished so he can work out whatever is stressing him. Once he feels your support the burden will lessen and bit by bit his desire will come back.
Create an erotic space
When things start to stagnate in your marriage and your relationship has become platonic, creating an erotic space can help you reinvigorate sexual intimacy. Save a day with no electronic devices, where you can get into your bodies. Go for walks together, dance together, go on a date.
What Can Me and My Husband do to Reinvigorate our Sexual Intimacy?
There are things that you and husband can do to reinvigorate your sexual intimacy.
You both need to tell each other what is it you want. Tell each other about what sexual experiences you enjoy and what fantasies you’d like to fulfill. Once each of you has stated what you want and like, experiment together. Shaking things up in the sexual repertoire can help to reinvigorate your sexual intimacy.
Focus on other kinds of physical intimacy
Instead of having intercourse each time you’re together, focus on other kinds of physical intimacy like having a bath or shower together. You can also try massaging each other or just cuddling on the couch.
Indulge in the six-second kiss
Try to be more present while kissing, so don’t go just for the peck on lips when saying hello or goodbye. Try the six-second kiss, kissing for longer can boost feelings and could make you feel more connected. You can achieve a lot during that time, so get creative.
What Not to Do While Trying to Reinvigorate Sexual Intimacy?
Trying to reinvigorate sexual intimacy between you and your husband may be frustrating at times but if you love each other it can be done. Just remember a couple of things you shouldn’t do while trying to rekindle sexual intimacy in your marriage.
Avoid being the victim
You’re part of a couple so any lack of sexual intimacy in your marriage it’s not only on you it’s a couple’s related issue.
Don’t stay quite
Communication is key in any relationship, especially in a marriage. So if something’s not working out or you feel him shy away from sex regularly, acknowledge it and find the space to talk about it.
There are many reasons why your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore but there are also many things you can do to bring sexual intimacy back into your marriage. Follow the suggestions and be patient, you’ll get there.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé