An emotional abuser is co-dependent on their partner to make them feel good about themselves and make up for all their feelings of childhood rejection and emotional abuse they’ve endured.
It is when you do not fulfill their unmet needs that you suffer punishment. You can end up being punished for the pain caused from the abuser’s past, and being expected to make up for it.
An emotionally manipulative person knows how to provoke you in a way to get you to respond to their needs and control you, even if it means putting you down, hurting you, or causing fear, as a way to emotionally control you so you will not leave them.
The truth is that the emotionally manipulative person puts their own self-doubt and insecurities onto you. Deep down, they fear you will leave them because they do not feel good enough.
Protecting themselves from feeling rejected or alone. They will find ways to control you, so you end up feeling worthless about yourself.
Here are 9 emotional abuse that are easy to misinterpret as acts of love:
1. They’re extremely jealous and insecure
Is your partner jealous and insecure about you talking to anyone? Do they control who you are with? Do they monitor what you do?
They might accuse you of things you haven’t done. Say you cheated or want someone else, even when the accusations are disproportionate to the real situation.
They make you feel guilty so you won’t go out with your friends, and want you there exclusively for them.
2. They’re controlling
They control you to avoid feelings of insecurity or rejection. They treat you better when they have you all to themselves, but abuse you for going out with others.
If you do the things that make you happy, they punish you or make you feel bad, as if you’re rejecting them.
They find ways to hook you into staying in the relationship, and even make you feel guilty through suicide threats or being told you will lose your children.
3. They throw tantrums
Your partner who gets upset when you do not comply to their every need and respond by sulking so that you drop everything for them, or otherwise you get mistreated in some way.
They have abusive tantrums if you do not comply, or threaten you so that they get their way.
4. They blame you for everything
They misconstrue what you say, so you become the bad person, who has to pay for it, or you’re wrongly accused for saying things that you haven’t said.
5. They force you to comply
You feel like you’re losing yourself by accommodating them, to the point that you are becoming withdrawn or depressed. The more you please them, the more you reinforce the emotional abuse.
6. They ignore your needs
They make the relationship all about serving their needs and your opinions or feelings don’t matter to them.
7. They expect you to “behave”
You’re expected to do what they want and always meet their needs. You’re abused for not complying.
8. They take away your wants
It feels as though you have no rights as a partner, since asserting yourself leads to abusive treatment, so it’s easier to avoid conflict by giving up yourself to avoid being emotionally abused.
9. They make you doubt yourself
When you express yourself, they suggest you’re mistreating them so that you back down. They belittle and confuse you, so you lose your sense of self.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé