The Frequency Of Healthy Married Sex
The little naughty at your room every now and then is what keeps the marriage spicy. Sex is often too underrated in its importance in marriages. What people don’t realize is, incoherence and dissatisfying sex life is the root problem that stems from a lot other issues in a troubled marriage. Happy sex life equates a happy married life.
There’s no equation and rule to how many times you need to have sex a week. As a general rule of thumb, you should be having sex at least once to twice a week to keep a healthy married relationship going. The frequency of sex life varies, depending on what stages you’re in.
For the first year, the “honeymoon” period, is always the most sexually active period for most couples, leading to possible, sex on a daily basis. Followed by a calm period in the following few years, the frequency may drop to twice a week only. Frequency is likely to rock back up to once every other day when you enter the “rekindled period”, usually around the fifth year of marriage, and after that, as you both age, and possibly due to other family stuff, such as taking care of the kids, frequency will likely to drop onwards, from twice a week, to once a week, and then to once every two weeks.
There’s no rule as to how many times it is good. While quality trumps over quantity, you should still look out for signs if you’re newly married but only having sex like twice a month, seriously, even a college kid is having sex more often than you.
Problems Faced In Married Sex
Quite frankly, just the problems face in married sex alone deserves its own book. The list is longer than you’d want to know. Just so you know you’re not alone. Married couples struggle a lot in a lot of ways.
Kids are always in the house busting into your rooms, who are you to lock your room when you’re telling your kids not to? Even when the kids aren’t home, you have so many chores to do. After the chores, closing your eyes and hit dreamland is literally the only idea on your mind. Even without kids, sex can seem repetitive and not so interesting anymore when you’ve been doing the same thing for the last five years, and the ending is always the same. Your partner even seems to be less attractive, after all these years.
Married couples fail to keep the flames going due to many reasons combined. Troubled sex life can only brew more problems in the future. Arguments arise and you can’t stand your partner anymore. Does it already sound like your life? Check out these tips to prevent your marriage from going to the point of no return.
Tips And Ideas To Keep Married Sex Alive
1. Kick the kids out
Well, not like forever, duh! Admittedly, kids have a detrimental effect on your sex life, especially infants and toddlers that require attention 24/7, leaving you with no Haba-haba time. The only way to distress is to send the source of all problems away for a weekend. Having some peace of mind already adds points to your sexual desire.
Ask a trusted friend (friends that will take care of your babies for a weekend are just angels on earth) or family members to take the kids away. Let you two enjoy the quiet time at home like how it was before those little evils came along.
2. Turn it into a game
If sex has already become a boring routine, turn it into a game. Dare your partner to try out something adventurous. Make it a game. Whoever loses has to give the other person a blow job. Things like these are probably what you would do 20 years back, you can still do it. It’s never too late to live young again. Remember how fun you were with your partner and anything can be a challenge? This can be how you save your married sex life now.
3. Try on costumes
Does Game of Thrones turn you on? Don’t be ashamed of your desires, however kinky you might think it is. Tell your partner about those wacky dreams of yours, being Harley Quinn. Time to make those dreams a reality, sort of.
Roleplay with your husband. Get a couple of costumes for yourself and your husband. Pretend to be your favorite characters and write a little script for the scenarios you picture the two of you to be in. The world is your oyster and when in bed, you have full control to create all sorts of troubles you want.
From the lost medieval prince to the modern Tesla billionaire, you could literally be whoever you want. This changes the fact that sex is always monotonous, or at least you picture it to be different in your head.
4. Have an open discussion
It sounds like a cliche but it’s always good to sit down and talk things out. Well, maybe, in this case, it doesn’t have to be courtroom-serious. Casually bring up this conversation before bed, ask your partner what does he like and dislike the most over the years, sex-wise, and if there are any particular tricks that he likes or hates it when you do it.
An open discussion generates flows of positive energy in a marriage. By no means, this is a criticism. On the contrary, it’s a learning process for both of you, to rediscover what pleases the other person. You may be surprised by how much your partner’s preference has changed over time.
Humans are always changing. What arouses you five years ago may only seem silly to you. Update your sex skills just like you would update your Macbook, learning is a life-long job.
5 Use sex toys
This cannot be emphasized enough in every article on taking your sex life to the next level. Sex toys are fantastic tools to step up your sex game, especially when it’s getting boring. A sex toy hits your sensitive area 99% better than a dick (truth hurts). It allows you to understand your body’s mechanism, where your sensitive spots are located and how you would be aroused.
Besides, shopping for sex toys together should be an activity for every couple every now and then. At least get some lube to start with. Start with someone easy and work your way to the next level.
6. Try out new locations
A major phenomenon in most married sex life is that they stick to their routines, hard. Unwilling to be adventurous in new locations is one major reason for the decreasing sex life quality. Take your partner and go camping in the woods. Do it in the wilderness, in the garden or in an abandoned home. Sometimes, a bit of going over the rules can make things a lot more exciting.
7. Prepare for a special night
Make that one-night special by fully giving what the other person wants. Ask your partner to lay out a bed of roses for you while you cook the perfect meal for him. Take the time to enjoy a three-course meal at home. Set the mood right with a romantic movie, with candle lights and silky bedsheets covered with roses.
Not much talking is needed, just stare into each other’s eyes to feel the love and desire. Having a special night like this, where you both do things the other person appreciates rekindles the forgotten passion and lust lost to life and time. It takes you back to when you first fell in love. Never forget that.
8. Pretend to be total strangers
Talk about the things you would talk about when you first met each other. Sometimes, when you have been long enough with someone, you don’t realize you should re-introduce yourself from time to time. To your surprise, you may have missed the fact that your partner used to be on the swim team in high school or that he made his best friend in pre-school by fighting over a toy first.
The past tends to stay forgotten. You don’t really think about sharing your past in intimate moments because you think you know each other so well. Maybe you don’t. Pretend to be the perfect strangers and talk about lives and dreams as if you’re picking up someone from the bar. This little act will help greatly in reconnecting couples that are having trouble with their sex life, as oftentimes, it’s more of a mental issue than a physical one.
Amazed by all these simples, yet super useful ideas in restoring your healthy married sex life? Sex is a crucial part of all married couples. The quality of your sex life shouldn’t decrease as you’ve been married for long. It should still stay as fun and as exciting. Most of the time it’s the mind that’s tricking you. You can have a perfectly happy sex life if you want. But then if it’s something physical, do check with your doctors for further examination to ensure nothing will stand in your way to achieving some sweet, intimate moment with your loved one.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé