Breakups are bad, breakups are brutal, breakups are tough. Don’t get me wrong, there is no such thing as a “good breakup” even when people say they’re fine and they’re still friends, breakups hurt regardless. But there’s always a right way to do things, no matter how strange the thing is. There’s no need to have any animosity in the breakup, every breakup can be made easier, both people can still walk away with their respect and dignity intact, if they just try to be calm and listen to reason. I’ve made a list of ways, ways to exit a relationship without losing any dignity or respect, let’s begin.
10. Make your reasons heard, loud and clear
Make sure to talk to each other about the reasons, reasons why it has to end. It hurts a lot when a person doesn’t have closure in life, everyone needs closure or they’re stuck in a very negative state of mind for a long time, looking for answers. Make sure that you talk it out, in a non-aggressive manner. You won’t be with each other anymore, but you can certainly make sure your memories don’t get damaged along with the breakup, you need to make sure that you don’t accidentally fall into each other’s bad books in the long run. You two will always be able to walk by each other smiling, without having to hide from one another or feel guilty about it.
9. Make sure it’s in person
I’ve seen a lot of people break up over text messages and it’s just horrible. My ex broke up with me over a text, and I was just shocked and stunned for a good hour. I kept scratching my head thinking about it. About how someone could just write a few lines of text and end things forever? How can someone just forget about everything we shared and not even give me the courtesy of saying goodbye in person? It’s very immature and pretty painful, have the guts to talk about it in person, don’t let them feel used, don’t let them think less of themselves. Trust me, text breakups are the worst kind!
8. Speak truthfully
It’s always better to say the truth now rather than living a lie and letting that lie get exposed later. I know what it feels like to be lied to, it’s not pretty, it’s horrible beyond measure. Honesty should always be one of the main factors of any relationship, and you need to be honest till the end, even if it means you’ll end up losing your relationship, it’s still much better than lying to the person you love, doesn’t matter how big or small the lie is, it’s still a lie and you’re still keeping it from them. Always speak truthfully and from the heart, those who know the importance of honesty will never leave you. Those who care more about themselves will probably walk away, but that’s for your own good.
7. Don’t disappear
One of the worst ways of breaking up with someone is by disappearing on them, by slowly fading away, don’t do that. You’ll give unwanted torture to someone by being selfish and scared. If you can’t make it work, either talk about fixing it or talk about a mutual breakup, running away is NOT an option. If you respect each other enough, give each other the courtesy of being open and honest about how the relationship is going and where it’s headed. Disappearing from the relationship isn’t going to solve anything, it’s only going to make it harder for both of you.
6. Don’t let anger take control
90% of breakups turn ugly because of anger, because one of the two people start letting anger take over them and just give in and lose control, don’t let that happen to you. While it’s pretty natural and expected to be angry at a situation like this, it’s highly unhealthy for both of you. I’ve seen a lot of people who talk things out without being angry, anger just ruins the entire point of trying to talk things out, it just wastes every effort and leaves people more angry and upset. Be calm and be gentle and kind with your words, you don’t want to have any negativity and you don’t want to have any regrets later. Trust me, you’ll hate yourself after a few months if you’re the one who got angry at the breakup. It’s a different and peaceful feeling when you know you didn’t lash out and you kept your cool, trust me.
5. Don’t involve a third person
If you’re thinking of bringing that one best friend and making them a part of this conversation, don’t, just don’t, it’s only going to end horribly for all of you. Keep in mind that it’s your relationship, it involves you and your partner and no one else, you’ve shared intimacy together, you’ve made memories together, you’ve cried and laughed with each other, do NOT ruin all of those things by bringing a third person in the middle, either to make your point heard or to try and fix the situation.
If it’s meant to be fixed, the two of you can very easily do it on your own without the need of a third person playing counsellor.
4. Don’t have mixed feelings, decide
One of the worst things people do to each other is drag the relationship out, to avoid the stress and pain of a breakup, don’t do that. Do not be in a dragged relationship because of emotions, come out of it because you want to be a much better person in life and you know that the relationship you’re in is only having negative effects on the two of you. Don’t have mixed feelings during the breakup, make up your mind once and for all and go with that decision. If you decide to break up, make up your mind about it and do it. If you decide to sort things out, do whatever is necessary to sort things out. Just don’t have mixed feelings about someone.
3. Don’t announce it, it’s your privacy
Don’t be that person who puts up a Facebook status as soon as their relationship ends, respect your privacy. Of course, you can talk to your close friends about it because you obviously need to share the pain and sorrow with someone, but just don’t announce it to the world. I’m pointing at you – *person who changes their Facebook Relationship Status every two months*. This is especially bad when the two of you suddenly decide to be together again, the number of questions and explanations you have to give everyone is going to be a pain and people will only make fun of you then. Avoid the pain, keep it to yourselves.
2. Don’t bring up the past
One of the worst things to do during a breakup is to bring up issues from the past, issues that had long been resolved and don’t even exist anymore, it’s painful. When you bring up even the smallest of issues, it’s going to create a new list of problems and it’s going to make you angry, which is going to lead to a pretty painful breakup with a lot of animosity and hate. Keep it simple, be very precise about how you feel and avoid the past AT ALL COSTS!
1. Expect it to be unpleasant
Like I said before, breakups are bad, even the word has pain in it, so expect them to be unpleasant. There is no such thing as a “happy breakup”, if you believe in a happy breakup then it means you’ve seen too many movies. Breakups are always going to be sad, even if they’re mutual and the two of you know that you tried your best, there’s still going to be a lot of grief and pain involved.
Describe your most recent breakup below:
How was your most recent breakup? Was it bad? Was it painful? Or did you end things peacefully? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
“The human body has been designed to resist an infinite number of changes and attacks brought about by its environment. The secret of good health lies in successful adjustment to changing stresses on the body.” – Harry J. Johnson