What is apeirophobia ( Fear Of Eternity)?
Apeirophobia ( Fear Of Eternity) is the excessive and irrational fear of understanding the concept of infinity and eternity. This fear causes a great physical discomfort and can manifest itself at any time of day or night. An intrusive thought about infinity can cause a serious anxiety attack.
I recently just realized in my live that I have apeirophobia. Which is fear of eternity and things lasting forever? had it years before, but didn’t begin to recognize it as a problem just a few weeks ago maybe.
I wish I could stop it, but it seems impossible. It ruins my life. I wasn’t to enjoy my life, but it always gets in the
way and steals me of happiness. Whenever I think about it I just want to commit suicide. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?
I also believe in life after death, but I fear that eventually throughout eternity I will eventually reach a point where i have experienced everything, learned everything, done everything met everyone, and eventually i am gonna be stuck being bored with being in existence but I’m gonna have no way out no matter how much I want
it to be so.
And even though that would take a very very long time to reach, my reasoning is, eventually it will happen, and all that time in the midst of eternity coming up to that point will seem like a blink of an eye, because time is no more than a perception and measurement, an idea that we give to days and so on. This is partly just hypothetically speaking though because of course, no one knows what EXACTLY is after death.
No offense to anyone who is reading this and might have religious views, but no one who is living at this era has died and come back, although I am aware of that fact that there are people who claim that, but I’m very skeptical of what type of person he/she was or is.
Over the years I’ve had minor irrational phobias that naturally I just got over, like fear of asteroids falling on earth. Now when I think of that I laugh. But this one phobia i just can NOT get over. It’s torture, hell on earth i would call it. I wish I could enjoy my life to the fullest; I’m young, attractive, have a great loving partner, and have big plans in life, and physically i have no problems, I’m very healthy. And, i have a loving family. But it doesn’t matter how great you have it in life around you, even if you were a millionaire, the intensity of anxiety creates
a smokescreen that covers everything up with its muk and makes nothing enjoyable, and i feel so selfish for feeling this way.
There are people in third world countries who are lucky to even get one meal a day, and here i am sulking, but it seems like I’m trapped in some kind of cold and insensitive mental whirlpool that will never show you any bit of mercy.
I also have another minor phobia, it’s very slight though, and that is the fear of seafood. Now this one kind of makes sense, because according to my mom i had an allergic reaction to fish when little, and it was very bad, but ever since then she has drilled it into my head about how i should lookout for it, yes i know it’s a life and death situation, but i fear of seafood being in my food and having an allergic reaction even when i KNOW there
is no seafood in it what so ever. And whenever i have this thought i find it hard to breath (which i due to my body thinking that i am eating something that i am allergic to when i am not.
I am a very analytical person. I love to analyze things and think deeply on certain issues and topics, and study how people think, what their true intentions are, and what lies beneath them personally that most people don’t see, I’m also good at reading people when there saying something but intending the other. Like when my mother was sending a subliminal message to my cousin about a girl he liked, that she is thinking of leaving her fiance and dating him, he just sat there with no clue so finally, I blurted it out loud what my mom was saying through her beat-around-the-bush style of chatting and he responded “i never would have guessed your mom was getting at that.” Unfortunately, i think sometimes my analytical mind leads me to places i shouldn’t wonder, but at the same time, i feel as though eternity isn’t something that i necessarily should be able to comprehend( because no one can) but instead something that i should be able to think about without it freaking me out, because i feel as though if i don’t face this fear now, even though I can go months without it crossing my mind, I have an eternity
to go through in which it will cross my mind endlessly.
I have been able to kind of get away with putting it in the back of my mind, especially during busy semesters in college, but recently it is clinging like a giant tick.
I wanted to share this with others who possibly think that they might be the only one suffering from this anxiety, because your not. Temporarily it helps to vent, but in the long run, i don’t know what I’m gonna do.
Sometimes I just want to end it all, but i couldn’t bare doing that because there are too many people that i love that would break their hearts, it would be too much of a selfish thing to do.
I always try to find those words, or phrases, that provide solace and content. Like when a mother tells her child the reality of the situation when he/she is in fear of something irrational, just a sentence of good reasoning that brings that mind to peace. but none of what my limited mind has come up with and explored has seemed to work.
Hopefully, i will meet someone in person someday who has overcome this.
In the meantime, it’s beginning to get in the way of things…