Here is an important piece of relationship advice – Don’t lie! Trust is extremely fragile. The problem with secrets and lies is that they jeopardize trust and can seriously damage both parties within a relationship — sometimes irreparably. We all tell white lies once in a while. We say things like, I’m fine when we’re really not, compliment unwanted gifts, or even fib that The check is in the mail. I’ve done it in my own life and even if you won’t admit to it, I’m sure you have as well. But in an intimate relationship, emotional honesty includes allowing our partner to know who we are. It only makes sense that in order for two parties to completely love one another they need the ability to be open and honest with each other at all times.
Honesty is more than simply not lying. Deception includes making ambiguous or vague statements, telling half-truths, manipulating information through emphasis, exaggeration, or minimization, and withholding feelings or information that is important to someone who has a right to know, because it affects the relationship and deprives that person of freedom of choice and informed action. If you really want your relationship to succeed, you need to accept that your partner deserves complete honesty one hundred percent of the time. Although we may consider ourselves honest, few of us reveal all our negative thoughts and feelings about the people we are close to. It requires great courage to be vulnerable and authentic. Listed below are four different ways in which lying can be poisonous to any type of relationship you might have.
- Lies Erode Trust – Perhaps the most obvious impact that lying has on a relationship is the erosion of trust one person has in the other. Lies and trust cannot easily coexist; eventually the former will destroy the latter. Whether it’s a storm that causes a landslide, or rain that slowly eats away at rock, lies can utterly change the landscape of a relationship and make it uninhabitable for one or both parties. Trust is so essential for a strong and successful relationship that when it is lost, the chances of total collapse are very high.
- Lying Demonstrates Selfishness – When someone lies, they are essentially putting their own self interest before those of others. This is especially harmful in romantic relationships because both parties are suppose to be equals. Their unwillingness to make a sacrifice for the greater, long term good of a relationship is another indicator that they do not place a high value on it. Lies can also be an indication of more widespread selfishness and disregard for the other party, which can make them feel unloved and unwanted.
- The Liar Is Conning Themselves Too – An often overlooked consequence of lying is that the perpetrator is also being untruthful to themselves. One early sign that your partner will only break your heart is tolerating bad behavior, which I consider lying to fall under. If someone is conning themselves by lying they are not mature enough to be dating anyone because they likely need to get their own life straightened out before involving someone else. In attempting to conceal the truth from other people, liars are refusing to reveal their genuine wants and desires to the world. In essence, they are denying their true identity and seeking to be someone that they are not. Any relationship is bound to feel the strain of this disingenuous approach to life.
- Lies Make A Relationship Unbalanced – For a relationship to stand the test of time and endure the trials of everyday life, both parties must give equal commitment and energy to it. This balance creates the feeling of partnership that binds two people together and allows them to bring the best out in each other. Lying disrupts this natural equilibrium and causes the scales to tip to one side. For the person who was lied to, it can feel as though they have put their heart and soul on the line, only for the liar to hold back theirs. When you recognize this reluctance on their part to fully commit, it is natural to doubt their desire to make the relationship work. This is true of all kinds of relationships, but especially romantic ones.