There it is. The ugly truth in black and white. That elephant in the room I am trying to let go and forgive him daily. He cheated.
I am not just talking about a simple one night stand either, I am talking about several weeks long affairs of discussing me, intimacy, staying the night together, talking about custody of our child, and so much more.
We’d been having problems all year. My health was declining. Our income served in half. The kids were doing everything they could to test us. We even had a newborn baby and no sleep, and whatever could go wrong – seemed like it did. There are times he would be nitpicking every little thing happening with the kids and I would tell him to move out of my house. He would bash my kids about being lazy and I would scream at him “get the heck out, I can’t stand you anymore.” We were no longer considering others’ feelings. We were straight-up mean to each other honestly. He would tell people how I never let him do anything when I pushed him to go all the time and later he would come back and say its because he didn’t want to spend the money on himself or that he wanted to spend that time with me. The worst part of that is.. most of the people he discussed his hatred of me with were other women. I am not saying he is all at fault. I did my fair share of spiteful things as well, but experience has taught me one thing: Turning to anyone else of the opposite gender (especially during a rough time with your spouse) instead of communicating with them will end your relationship faster than anything else. I thought it was an unwritten rule that married men are off-limits!
Soon the grass looks greener on the other side because that person doesn’t have to deal with the reality. They can just tell you how one-sided everything is and how “you deserve so much better.” That person doesn’t know everything, though. All they know is your pity story about how horrible your significant other is. It makes things much easier for them to swoop in and make you believe it would be so much different from someone else and they give you all the attention you need because there is an energy that comes with talking to someone you know your spouse wouldn’t approve of.
So, why marry someone if the problems are this astronomical?
Simple, I love him. I believe in forgiveness (even though it’s hard). I did this before and I know I can’t change him, but I wanted to give this man an honest shot at a real relationship. I felt our love was a love worth fighting for and that the good outweighed the bad so much it was not something I was going to let pass. I wanted to have a relationship where we don’t just run because things got a bit ugly. One where we fight for it together. Too often in society, we just throw relationships out into the garbage for every little thing. It causes us to often pass up what could have been a great love because we are too busy trying to find perfect rather than building perfectly. After all, we’re all human.
So yes, he cheated on me. He has talked badly about me behind my back to other women. He has betrayed my trust. Remaining with him doesn’t make me weak.
It makes me a grown-up, who made a conscious decision to actually work on the relationship before just throwing in the towel and calling it quits. It makes me a woman who believes in forgiveness and closure. It makes me his wife.