I have this really weird habit of just trying to sabotage my relationships fairly early into them. Just when things are starting to get really good and it feels like the relationship could turn into something real, there’s just a little voice in my head that tells me to distance myself away from that individual. I convince myself that this is somehow a test for them to see if they’re going to bridge that gap or just let go of me entirely.
But this wasn’t something that I was doing consciously. It was almost innate. It was a natural reaction to things getting serious in a relationship. And it took me the longest time to figure out what I was doing and what the motivations behind them were. I then realized that it was just the lingering trust issues that I have had for quite a while now.
I have always wanted to make sure that the people I’m with genuinely care about me. I always wanted to make sure that the people I got into relationships with were truly committed to being with me.
I wasn’t always like that though. It was a form of self-protection and self-preservation that was forced upon myself. I had to learn it as a result of the experiences that I went through in my life. I have been betrayed so many times over by people I thought I loved. I have been used, abused, and manipulated by people who were really close to my heart.
It was truly a heartbreaking ordeal but I still managed to survive and make it through the entire experience. However, I didn’t overcome these experiences unscathed. I have a lot of emotional and psychological scars that have impacted me in a very deep and profound manner as a result of these experiences. After being hurt in such a way so many times, I found it difficult not just to trust those around me, but also to trust myself.
I lost my sense of confidence and I was traumatized to a very grave extent. But then I realized that I wasn’t the only one who was experiencing this. I couldn’t have been. And so I decided to do a little more digging into the matter so that I could get myself out of the hole that had been dug for me.
“When we internalize what someone else says and take it on as our truth, that can impact how we make decisions in relationships moving forward if we’re not solid on what we believe,” says Diana Dorell, a dating coach, and author.
These traumatic experiences can indeed impact the way people move into their future relationships, affirms Dr. Gary Brown, a famed relationship therapist, an expert. “Words have meaning and when a former lover said things that were truly hurtful whether true or not — their words can damage our ability to trust in the next relationship,” he goes on to say.
If a lot of the things actually listed on here strike a chord with you, then it’s likely that you are someone who is dealing with a lot of trust issues in your own life right now. Are you wondering whether your ex has actually played a role in contributing to the trust issues that you have?
Well, experts say that if your ex has said some of the following things that are listed on here, it’s very much likely that you have trust issues because of them.
1. “You can trust me.”
And you did end up trusting this individual. You really relied on them to take care of you and protect you. You trusted them to always have your best interests in mind. But they ended up falling short.
2. “You are so emotionally screwed up.”
Whether you are emotionally damaged or not isn’t the point. It’s the mere fact that you BELIEVE that you are emotionally damaged which gives you a lot of reason to just doubt yourself. You lose the trust that you have for yourself to have legitimate and valid emotional reactions to things.
3. “You’re terrible in bed.”
It can really damage a person’s self-esteem and overall confidence whenever they are made to feel like they aren’t good enough in bed. That’s why it can be truly damaging to your willingness to trust another person in the bedroom when you don’t even trust yourself to be able to fulfill their needs.
4. “This is all your fault…”
And of course, it’s always very damaging to a person’s sense of self-trust whenever they are made to believe that they are always in the wrong. You don’t have any confidence in your abilities to make the right decision anymore.
5. Saying nothing at all.
Yes, words can hurt. But the one thing that hurts more than any words that might be said is just completely vanishing without saying anything at all.